Barefoot in Texas
by planetblue
Summary: I watch her jumping, prancing, her hands empty but taking pictures. Her feet bare on the hot Texas earth. Everything in my life that was planned to a T just whirled away in a ruffled skirt.
1. Chapter 1

**Barefoot in Texas**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

**Prologue**

I sit in the open doorway of the camper, just watching her. Always watching her. The fading sunlight catches the glitter she threw in her hair and creates a halo effect; no one is more worthy of being an angel than her.

Her hands reach up to the sky and she's laughing, twirling in her mini skirt with those ruffle things, threads hanging off the ends from such beloved wear. The cowboy boots she had on are cast off to the side, sitting lonely, waiting for her to reclaim them. But they don't know what I know, that she'll never claim them, she'll never claim anything.

Her laugh rides the breeze over to me, and the vision of her so carefree is one I will have to hold close because I know I might never be this close again.

She's my Bella. And in four hours, she'll be gone.

**Chapter 1**

"_**Life usually starts out as a plan. Two people decide to have a baby and there you are." - Anonymous**_

The first time I saw her, I found her peculiar.

She was popping out from behind the trees, taking pictures with a camera that wasn't there. She even said 'click' when she pressed the imaginary shutter release. People were posing, going along with her; no one seemed to find it strange. At one point she flung her arm around someone and held her arm away, they laughed at the imaginary camera and took a picture. She didn't say 'click' that time. It unsettled me and I was relieved she didn't approach me.

I watch as insects flit around the party lights, set up on makeshift poles and powered by a car generator you could still hear over the music. People dancing, seemingly trying to get a line dance going but unable, successful only in stirring the stifling Texas air. Drunkenness causing a more lazy stumble than any sort of symmetry.

"Last day of the spring semester man, feels so good!" Emmett's southern drawl rings out as he launches himself up on the bed of the truck, holding two beers. "This summer is gonna be awesome, I'm tellin' ya. Last summer before we have to become responsible! This is it E, our last hurrah. It's time for nameless fucks and behaving like the immature pricks I know we can be!" He jerks my shoulder and hands me my drink.

"Dude, you may be off for the summer but I have my internship with Judge Black starting 8am Monday. I can't be puking in bars and finding new ways to get laid, I have to nail this." Pulling the label off my beer, I sigh. "You know I need his recommendation to get into a good firm."

"No, your daddy is the reason you'll get into a good firm." Emmett belches and rubs his stomach. "Come on Ed, you haven't been in a relationship since you kicked Vickie to the curb, you've been acting like you're still all celibate and shit. It was a long time ago."

"I didn't 'kick her to the curb', it was a mutual decision between two adults."

"Yeah right. Pappa Cullen had nothing to say about it." Emmett lets that hang in the air before continuing. "Lord knows we can't have the future Governor of Texas married to the daughter of a stripper."

"Fuck you Emmett. The reason for the break up was incompatibility." And the fact that the future Governor of Texas couldn't marry the daughter of a stripper. I wasn't proud, but it was reality.

"Simmer down Lassie, all I'm saying is…NOW YOU ARE FREE TO GET SOME FRESH PUSSY!"

Laughing and slightly mortified, I stare as Emmett has made a point of standing on the bed of the truck to get that last part out as loudly as possible. Thankfully, this is normal behavior for my friend and no one seems to pay much attention.

Taking a quick glance around, I lower my voice. "Yeah well, any pussy I get will be one night stands if I can find the time."

Jumping down, he's laughing as he walks away. "Cullen, you've got so many chicks waiting in line for your Johnson, you'll have no problem. Hell, they're dying to perfect their walk of shame coming from your place." Crushing his can in his beefy hand, he turns to me. "Gettin' another, you want?"

"Yeah, alright." I admire his effortlessness as he goes, high-fiving and wrapping his arms around girls' shoulders as he makes his way to the coolers. It must be nice not to have to worry about how others perceive you.

The dancers seem to have given up and are basically just jumping while they hoot and holler, everyone relieved to be done for the year. I see who I think is the shutterbug in the mix, the headlights behind her causing her features to be blacked out by the backlight. The image is soothing, just a faceless, non-descript shape moving to the music, and I have the feeling she has no care in the world.

I'm hit with a sudden unnerving pang I can't identify.

* * *

The party is winding down, due to lack of beer and lack of consciousness. The music is softer, slower. The dirt of the dance floor trampled respectably.

Emmett's chosen not to bring someone home tonight, nor has he accepted any offers of lodging at theirs. He is quiet, for the first time all night, nursing his last warm beer.

"I miss Rosalie." He finally says.

"You do? I thought you were looking forward to a summer of immaturity and nameless fucks." I throw my empty into the garbage can across the way, watching as the can hits others and bounces off the pile to the ground.

"I was. I _am_. I just wonder what she's doing sometimes. We had a nice thing for a while." Emmett seems to be letting the beer blues get to him. If he starts crying, I'm out.

"Four months is pretty long for you." Someone else throws a can and misses completely. I go over to pick up the strays, my boots kicking up dust from the trodden dance floor.

"Fuck you Cullen. I can do the monogamous thing."

"No you can't." Wiping my hands on my jeans, I pull the keys out of my pocket, ready to go.

At that moment, an extremely drunk girl decides to fall at my feet. I bend down to help her up; her breath hits me, reeking of cigarettes and sour wine. She holds onto me and slurs "Heeyy you come into my coffee store to buy coffee (_hiccup)_ from me."

I smile at her, helping her regain her footing while trying to get her arms from around my neck. "Yes I do, Patty, right?"

"Thaas right. You're fuckhot. My roommate's not home _(hiccup)_ we could have some coffee" the next part comes out as a very loud whisper "and maybe something else."

"Aw thanks darlin', I appreciate the offer but I'm spending time with my friend tonight. Who did you come here with?" I look around to see if anyone wants to claim her.

A girl comes rushing up, apologizing, and takes her friend from me. After I assure myself that she's okay to get her friend home, I bid them both goodnight and hear Emmett behind me.

"What's that chick doing?"

I turn to see what Emmett is looking at, and it's her.

She's jumping and prancing. Catching fireflies barefoot in the muck and mud of earth and beer. Seemingly unaware of the spectacle she creates.

The pang. The pang is a weird sense of jealousy. Which makes no sense at all, since I still found her peculiar.

**_Follow me on twitter: planetbluefic_**

**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

**Starry Eyed Inside by Rochelle Allison**

High School Fictional. No one sends Bella into a tailspin quite like Edward Cullen... but can she make him hers? The ups and downs and all arounds.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." – John Lennon**_

The next time I saw her, I was surprised.

My first week with Judge Black was grueling; the man was not known to be kind-hearted. There was a reason he was once the top prosecutor in Houston. There were no inheritance disputes or petty divorce trials coming across his bench. There were murderers and rapists. Watching the process to conclude innocent or guilty was satisfying, but double edged. Being the reason for families wailing and screaming as their loved ones are taken away from them is hard to hear, even if it's the right thing to do.

I'm expected at my parent's house for dinner; they are planning on setting me up with the niece of my Dad's colleague. I don't know much about her, except that she is also pre-law, a member of Kappa Delta Phi, and most importantly, acceptable. I wonder if her pearls will be on her ears or around her neck.

Contemplating loosening my tie but thinking better of it, I make my way down the courthouse steps toward the parking garage filled with the symbols of those people in power in the building above. The Mercedes, BMW's and Volvo's are all lined up, shiny and privileged like their owners. The irony doesn't escape me that the one I'm climbing into fits with this clique. I'm fucking one of them.

The highway department has decided that Friday at rush hour is the perfect time to set up a detour on the main road. As I follow the orange signs directing me in a roundabout way, I find myself in the neighborhood I spent my freshman year in. More bohemian in nature, the West End section of town was the farthest out you could go while still being considered part of the campus. It was here that I had my first taste of independence, albeit controlled.

I had wanted to stay in the dorms but my parents weren't keen on the idea of communal living. God forbid there might be underage drinking or unseemly sexual activities that might mar my future plans. So we compromised, and I was set up in a two-bedroom apartment with fellow law student, Emmett McCarty, of the Dallas McCartys. Acceptable.

Living with Emmett didn't quite turn out the way my parents had planned. The man liked his women, his beer, and his pot. I credit him for giving me a taste of the college life I craved vs. the college life my parents expected.

Studying happened, sure. Emmett was not dumb. And I of course, couldn't imagine anything less than a 4.0. But I was able to kick back a bit too, he was the one that picked me up off the bathroom floor the first time I got drunk, and he was the one that made sure I got up and made my mid-term the day after. He also taught me that using my southern boy smirk to get women out of their panties didn't make me an asshole. Just efficient.

I glance at the dashboard clock and saw I still had plenty of time to get to the ranch, and want to travel down memory lane for a bit longer. I decide to stop for a drink at one of our old haunts, so I pull over, feed the meter, and open the old barn wood door.

Disturbing the darkness with the bright Texas sun, the smells of stale beer and peanuts wash over me, and the calmness that comes with that is surprising, as I hadn't realized I was tense. Nothing had changed at The Library. Old band flyers paper the walls, their corners coming unglued and fluttering in the breeze from the dusty ceiling fans overhead. Johnny Cash still sings about prison.

Pulling out the cracked vinyl stool, I look around for the bartender, but it seemed the bar is unattended for the moment. The stock room door is ajar, so I swivel, checking out the TV, waiting for the barkeeps return.

A few moments later, a female voice rings out behind me, an easy but strong voice, rising above the din of the baseball game. "What can I get you?"

"Budweiser on tap please." I say as I turn my attention back to the bar. "Hey I know you."

"Do you?" She says with a smirk.

"I mean, I saw you the other night, at the field. Party for the end of semester."

She cocks her head to the side "Yeah, I was there, I didn't see you."

"You were kind of busy taking pictures with your hand." I gulp my beer, mainly for something to do. I feel awkward, that's new.

"Hmm, I developed that roll, you definitely weren't in there." I say nothing back, I don't know her, I have no clue what her grasp on reality might be. Her straight face breaks into a smile "I'm messing with you."

"I knew that."

"No, you didn't." She laughs and turns around, grabbing a bag of peanuts to refill the bowl in front of me.

Searching for something to say, I finish my beer. She grabs my glass and refills it, spilling some of the foam onto my cardboard coaster. "Was it just the end of semester for you or did you graduate this year?"

"Oh I don't go here."

"Oh?"

Shutterbug is staring at me, I'm not sure what she's waiting for, as most people would then give an explanation. It's the way conversation works.

"Do you know someone that goes here?"

"Sure! I met a ton of people the other night that go here." She seems distracted, looking over to the back of the bar where the wobbly tables sit. "Hey Alice! I have to go, but thanks for letting me play bartender!"

Alice, I assume, comes from the stock room wiping her hands on her dingy bar apron. "Oh sure! Anytime, I like the company." Shutterbug ignores my tip on the bar and throws herself at the short brunette in an exuberant hug. Yelling goodbye to the other patrons at the bar, she waves her arms and claps.

She's about to walk behind me but doubles back, bouncing on one foot and then the other as she takes her flip flops off. "Thanks for the loan Alice, wouldn't want you to get a health code violation!" With that, she prances out the door, the sudden brightness of day illuminating her as I watch until the door closes behind her.

I turn back around and we all seem to be quietly feeling her exit. It feels like the air has suddenly been sucked out of The Library, which makes no sense at all.

* * *

Leaving the dim bar and into the bright sun, I shield my eyes and pause, letting them adjust to the light. Making my way to where I parked my car, I notice a dilapidated purple camper, much like I imagine Woodstock was full of, with a barefoot girl standing on the bumper looking under the hood. I take a moment to appreciate the way the movement of her arms and upper body are making her ass wiggle.

I could walk by, she wasn't the most polite, but she looks to be having an issue, and I'm nothing if not a gentleman.

As I get nearer, a string of profanity reaches me and I find myself smiling.

"Do you need some help?" I say as I peer into the engine next to her.

"This stupid thing won't start again. Lord knows I paid enough for this thing back in Ohio, the guy assured me it'd run for a while." She jumps down off the bumper, her ruffled skirt puffing up and then landing on her thighs, dangerously close to showing me too much, not enough. "If I don't get going I'm going to be late picking up Jasper."

"I can take a look if you want." I know nothing about cars and their machinery.

"Nah, it's ok. I'll walk." She closes the hood and starts heading down the street, her hair, twisted to look like dreadlocks, being pulled into a haphazard ponytail. She turns suddenly. "Walk with me?"

I should offer her a ride, she has no shoes. "I have somewhere to be."

"So do I." She's standing, waiting.

Right. Someone named Jasper she's going to be late for. "You don't have any shoes on." I forget about my car and walk mindlessly towards her.

"Shoes aren't important." She waves her hand in a dismissive gesture.

My eyes widen. "Yes they are!"

"No, they're really not." She looks down, lifting one dirty foot, then the other trying to determine why she should have them on. Looking at them doesn't change her mind, and she shrugs. "Are you coming?"

Inexplicably, I start moving, catching up to her as she turns the corner. She hooks her arm through mine, and I ask her name.

"What's _your_ name?" She's looking up at me, excitement and mischief behind her smile. Her gaze hits me somewhere deep in my chest.

"Edward." I answer. I like the way she's got her left hand clasped with her right, tight around my arm. I also like the way her right breast is rubbing against my elbow.

"Well that's a solid name, isn't it?"

"It's an old family name. And yours is…?" I kind of don't want to know, I like thinking of her as Shutterbug.

"Depends. What's your favorite name?"

I'm confused. "My favorite name? A girl's name? I have no idea."

"Well I mean, everyone has names they like and don't like. Would you ever name your kid Bertha? Hell no! So right there, you know you don't like that name. Oh! You're not married to a Bertha or something are you? I tend to give my opinion without thinking sometimes." She's stopped our gait, looking up at me.

"I'm not married." Relief that I'm able to tell her that, confuses me.

She starts walking again, pulling me with her. "Oh phew, I hate to insult people I don't know."

"But you insult people you do know?" I chuckle and find my hand making it's way to lay on top of hers. We're walking like some 1920's promenade.

"Well I try not to but sometimes people need to hear the hard stuff. You know?"

No, I have no idea, this whole conversation has my head spinning. I'm jarred from my thoughts when she makes an abrupt stop and pulls me over to a street vendor selling what appears to be second hand clothes. The macramé sweaters and tie dyed shirts make the back of my neck itch.

"What do you think of those?" She's pointing at a pretty ratty looking pair of black cowboy boots, more gray with age than anything. "They just scream of life, don't they? I mean, who wore them? Where did they go? You don't get that worn out just walking around on carpet all day! They've lived!" She's gotten herself all worked up about a pair of someone else's hand me down shoes.

To my horror, she prances over and proceeds to put them on her feet. "You're not seriously going to put those on, are you?" I think barefoot on the sidewalk is safer at this point.

"Sure, why not?" The movement of her skirt as she twirls on the sidewalk momentarily distracts me and I realize she's given the vendor a hug and is handing him a five-dollar bill. Entirely too much in my opinion, he should pay her to take them off his hands.

We're on the move again and she's happily looking at her feet as she walks, the boots being maybe a size too big, causing them to make a shuffle plop sound as she steps.

We stop at an apartment building just down the street, where a blond guy is looking at Shutterbug as if he has been waiting on her. This must be Jasper.

"Hey, sorry I'm late! I decided to try my hand at bartending and then Edward here decided I should buy some shoes." She moves to him and they kiss on both cheeks.

"I really didn't decide that." I say to no one in particular under their conversation while they greet each other. Jasper turns to look at me, blatantly checking me out, and extends his hand. He introduces himself as Steve, we shake.

"No worries on the latesies, Jasper here just finished up his doody! Get it? Doody? Duty?" I look down and see a white dog staring at me, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth, pink and a bit drooly. "Derek is waiting at the car, we're all loaded up and we'll be back Sunday, we appreciate this soooo much!"

They exchange a hug that includes a bit of jumping, and her friend goes on his merry way. "You're dog sitting?"

"Sure! Free place to stay for a weekend and I get to spend time with this doggie woggie cutie patootie!" Her face is smashed into Jaspers fur, he doesn't seem to mind.

Looking at my watch, I realize I'm about to be very late. Unacceptable. "I have to go." I kind of don't want to.

Shutterbug gets up, looks at me, and steps closer. She's going to hug me.

"Thanks for walking with me and buying shoes with me Edward." Her voice softens as she moves forward, her arms circling my neck and squeezing gently. She hugs with her whole being.

Her pseudo dreadlocked hair is under my chin, and I'm surprised it's softer than it appears to be. I find my arms moving around her bare shoulders, and I like how she fits.

I mean, she doesn't fit. At all. But here in my arms, she seems to. I pull away first, not sure how long a hug between strangers should be, and she looks up at me. Fuck me, she's beautiful.

She's staring at my hair, then my eyes, then my mouth. Normally I'd let my smirk fly, but I just can't with her. She reaches up to loosen my tie, and smiling brightly, she asks where I'm off to. I explain about going to my parents, and for some reason I hesitate, but tell her about the girl I'm supposed to meet.

"Tanya. Taaaaanya. Now that right there's an awful name." Shutterbug pauses, and taps her finger to her chin. "I wonder what color her pearls will be?"

I realize once I'm back at my car, she never did reveal her name.

**_Follow me on twitter: planetbluefic_**

**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******The Best I Ever Had by WhatsMyNomDePlume ****  
**

Sex between friends complicates everything. Bella knows this. But she has no idea how much more Edward is going to complicate things.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all of the attention this story is getting, i'm overwhelmed and honored. I'm posting chapter 3 early as a thank you to everyone for all the kind words!**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential." ― Winston Churchill**_

The next time I saw her, she was singing.

I arrive at my parent's ranch, my brain a bit rattled and unsettled. I fix the tie she played with, my thoughts crazy, and walk into the sprawling estate that wasn't my childhood home. That had been sold around the time the good senator won his seat. This is a place for showcasing, puffing out your chest and making handshake deals.

The two men are gathered in the wood paneled study, Mr. Prescott sitting in one of the wingback chairs, crystal glass of scotch in hand. I straighten up, mentally and physically, and make my entrance.

"Edward! Glad you could make it." My father stays seated while Judge Prescott rises to greet me.

"Yes, sorry. I ran late at the courthouse." I extend my hand in greeting. "Judge Prescott, very nice to see you again sir."

"Oh please Edward, call me William, no need to be formal in your own home." This was never my home.

"Very well William, can I refresh your drink?" I ask, walking over to the neatly aligned decanter and highball glass set situated on the mahogany bar.

"No, no I'm fine. Can't have too many of these tonight, not with Trudy and Tanya here to watch my every move." He guffaws, his barrel chest making the buttons of his vest strain.

"And where are your lovely wife and niece?" I raise the glass to my lips, hating the taste but going through with the show.

"They're in the kitchen, being fussed over by Esme, girl talk and all that. How Trudy and Esme can have lunch and dinner in the same day and not run out of anything to talk about I'll never know."

My father has grabbed the decanter and pours two fingers worth of scotch into William's glass, he does not protest again. "Yes well, sometimes it's best not to know." They laugh together and William turns to me.

"So Edward, Carlisle tells me you're about to finish your last year of law school. What are your plans beyond that?" The leather squeaks and groans as the man replaces himself back in the chair.

Sitting opposite on the matching loveseat, I choose my words carefully. "Well I'd like to join a practice that specializes in environmental law or public-"

"Edward has plans to follow me into the Senate, and then onto Governor in 16 years or so, and then who knows? The start of the road to the White House?" My father interrupts, narrowing his eyes at me. Challenging.

"Well the republicans could certainly use another Cullen in politics." William raises a glass to my father, then to me.

"Yes sir." I choke down some more scotch.

At the perfect moment, Eloise enters the study to announce dinner is served.

"Eloise!" I grin as I saunter over to her and bow, taking off a pretend hat. "Ma'am, how can you possibly be getting more beautiful every time I see you?" I have the urge to hug her, a flash in my mind of an unexpected girl hugging me with her whole being. If I were to hug anyone with my whole being, it would be Eloise.

Eloise blushes. "Why thank you Mister Edward, I don't know about beautiful, I certainly get older every day, but I don't feel it!" She gives me a warm smile before remembering her task, and turns to my father. "May I refresh the gentleman's drinks before you make your way to the dining room?"

"No thank you Eloise, please tell Esme we're on our way." My father dismisses her with a wave. She backs out of the room and out of sight.

He downs what's remaining of his scotch and gestures for William to lead them out. I hang back, watching the two men go. Finally following them, I place my hands in my pockets and gain a small bit of satisfaction as I covertly extend my two middle fingers at their retreating backs.

* * *

Tanya has pearls on both ears and around her neck. She sits beside me, listening to my mother and Trudy discuss who did what and who said what at the club that day. Something is scandalous, but I'm not paying any attention.

"So Edward, Tanya here is also working for a judge this summer, Judge Baylor." My father's voice has caused the ladies to stop talking and turn their attention to me.

"Yes, Edward," my mother chimes in, "wouldn't it be lovely if you were able to show Tanya around a bit, perhaps take her to lunch." She winks at me and turns to her husband. "Wouldn't that be wonderful Carlisle?"

Fuck. It starts. "Yes well, Judge Black keeps me pretty busy-"

"Nonsense. I'm sure if Jacob knew that Tanya here was William's niece he'd encourage it. I'll call him."

"You don't need to call him. I'll work it out." I say sharply. My father turns to me and for once stays quiet. He must like Tanya; he doesn't feel the need to entirely emasculate me.

Beside me, Tanya clears her throat. "If Edward is busy, it's fine. I understand how important these internships are. To both of us. I'm pretty busy myself most days."

Honestly, I'm a little surprised. I've become used to the women my parents force on me being more than agreeable. Just the hint of my parent's approval and these Stepford wives in training can't get into my pants fast enough.

My father waves Eloise over and points at William's glass. She comes to refill it and walks quietly back to the corner. "Nonsense. You two should get to know each other. Tanya hasn't seen much of Houston since she arrived in May." William sips from his fresh scotch.

Neither Tanya nor I argue the point further, and as dinner is being cleared away the talk of dessert in the game room commences. I take the opportunity to excuse myself for a moment and make my way to the kitchen. There I find my ex-nanny, cleaning off plates into the garbage.

Opening the refrigerator door, I pull out a beer. "Don't let your father smell that beer on your breath." She says to me as I rummage in the drawer looking for the opener.

I smile as I take a huge gulp and burp. "Fuck him. If beer is unacceptable, then why does he keep it in the house, Eloise?"

"Well, you have to keep it on hand, you never know who's going to come by of course."

"Of course." I walk over to the dessert tray Chef has assembled and start to take a swipe at the side of what looks like a tiny cupcake. Eloise stops me with a swat on my hand and shoos me away, but not before I plant a wet kiss on her cheek, making her giggle like a schoolgirl.

I walk out the side door and onto the patio. The buzz of summer is just starting, and you can feel it in the lazy chirping of crickets, coating the evening in a blanket of soft sound. I wish for a cigarette, and remember I gave them up. Along with Vickie.

"Mind if I join you?"

I turn and shake my head no at Tanya, and she walks over to where I'm standing.

We're both quiet for a few moments, I think she realizes I want to be alone, but she gives in and breaks the silence anyway.

"It's lovely out here." She says, rubbing her arms slightly. I nod in agreement. "Your parents are very nice, Esme has made me feel very welcome." I nod again.

She's quiet for a moment and I can tell she's searching for something to say. "I wanted to work with Judge Black this summer, he was my first choice. How do you like working for him?" Before I can give my stock answer that it's such an honor to work with him, I feel her looking at me slyly. "I hear he can be an real ass."

I laugh, looking over at her. "He is a real ass." She's actually quite pretty in a gubernatorial spouse sort of way. "Don't tell my father, or your uncle for that matter, that I just said that." I say, tipping my beer at her.

"No problem. They won't hear that from me, or that Judge Baylor is screwing his secretary."

I go to take the last swallow of my beer and nearly choke, surprised. "No shit?"

She chuckles "Oh yeah, every Tuesday and Thursday at 3pm sharp."

Silence between us descends again, and I think she's about to turn and go inside when I hear her inhale.

"I know my aunt and uncle are forcing me on you, Edward."

I don't know what to say, she seems nice enough and was at the same uncomfortable dinner as me. But before I can think of a response, she turns and stands in front of me, suddenly on a mission.

"But if you were to think about it, we would be perfect together. We're both good looking; we both come from money, and have the proper name and status. I could help you achieve everything you're striving for." I see intent clear in her eyes.

She takes her hand and puts it on my arm, her nails sliding down and under my suit jacket sleeve. "I'd be the perfect date, the perfect wife. The perfect wife of a candidate when the time comes. Every powerful man needs what I have to offer standing behind him, pushing him towards everything he's capable of."

Her hand slides down my wrist and finds it's way to the front of my pants. I'm still trying to catch up from the meek to cunning personality change when I feel her palm caressing my cock through the zipper. "And I think you'd find me quite satisfactory in other ways too." With her other hand she takes the beer I've basically forgotten I was holding, and brings it to her lips. The amber liquid runs down inside the neck of the bottle, and I watch as she swallows what's left. I feel my cock stir, it's been a while since anyone but me has been down there. She removes the bottle from her mouth, and looking up at me, I know she wants me to kiss her.

So I do.

I startle when I hear Eloise clearing her throat through the kitchen window.

Removing her hand from my crotch, I step away. "I should probably buy you dinner first, no?"

"Yes, you should." She pauses. "We can take it slow Edward. But we should get to know each other better, and see where it goes."

The only reason I consider this at all is because she showed a bit of personality with the comment about Judge Black. Perhaps she's not like the rest, even though her goal seems to be. And as I watch her walk towards the door, I notice the view from here isn't half bad. She turns back to me. "Are you coming?"

I look at the hand she's holding out to me, but instead of mine reaching for hers to follow I raise both my hands to my face, looking at her, and say, "click".

"What is that you're doing?" She wrinkles her nose.

"I have no idea."

* * *

She's sitting on the front stoop of the building Jasper and his owners reside in, and my breath catches in my throat.

I have no idea what I'm doing here, the evening was over an hour ago after the families agreed on where I should take Tanya for dinner tomorrow night, but I couldn't stand the thought of going home to my empty place.

I sit, a bit stalkerish I admit, and watch as she appears to be singing with an elderly woman also sitting with a dog. She's not wearing her boots, and I follow the movement her bare legs make, back and forth back and forth, heels hitting the concrete every other swing.

I open the window, wanting to hear the sweet melody and my entire body shakes with laughter when I hear what sounds like a raunchy sea shanty.

I want to join in, I want to curse and take my shoes off and play with her dog.

I drive away.

* * *

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_**

**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******Out of My Head, I Sang by Little Miss Tightly Wound ****  
**

What can you learn about yourself in one night? A college student and her best friends follow their favorite rock band during their Summer break, then one night she and the lead singer learn something about themselves and each other.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**If you have no idea where you want to go, it makes little difference how fast you travel." ― Italian Proverb**_

The next time I saw her, she didn't see me.

I pick up Tanya on Saturday night; we have reservations for the new "it" place in the center of Houston's business district. It's no surprise we find ourselves dining amongst lawyers, judges, and various political figureheads.

The date starts out nice enough, if not predictably. I have on a navy suit with red tie; she has on a blue dress with sensible heels. I hold her chair out for her; she waits for me to do so. I order the steak, she has the salmon salad.

The night progresses, waving and saying hello to people we know at the surrounding tables. Talk of judgments and politics in the air. When the time comes to actually speak to each other, I'm pleasantly surprised to find we have similar taste in music and films, and that Tanya has a devilish streak to her. She's full of sarcasm and humor when she isn't trying so hard to fit the mold. I find I like her well enough; she certainly isn't the worst date I'd ever been set up with.

I like her even more when instead of the requisite cappuccino and chocolate soufflé, she suggests we get out of there and go get a drink.

The Library enters my thoughts. It's not lost on me that I hope to catch a glimpse of Shutterbug again. But then I think better of it, not wanting to sully the nakedness of the place with the orchestration of this date. I'm willing when Tanya suggests a dimly lit bar, not too far from the restaurant.

"I find this place very relaxing, don't you? Some of the other interns and I have been coming here on Friday's for a few weeks now." I look around after taking my seat at the bar, and shrug my agreement. Frank Sinatra is singing over a din of conversation, individual lamps atop each table. The sign outside should read "martinis only".

The bartender comes to take our order and I can't help notice that Tanya appears to be stealthily looking for something down the long bar. She seems a bit deflated but shakes her head and perks up when we order the obligatory martinis, dirty for me, apple for her. As we're sipping, an older couple gets up to dance, making a dance floor of their own between the tables. Tanya turns to watch them.

"That's so romantic. I wonder how long they've been together?" Tanya asks almost wistfully, "They move as if they're the same person. It must be wonderful to connect with someone in such a way." She's tilting her head and stroking her gold shamrock necklace.

"It's possible he just picked her up, and is trying to get her drunk so he can get lucky." I take the olive pick from my drink and am about to eat it when she turns her entire body towards me suddenly and grabs my hand, pulling my olive pick towards her mouth.

"Well that's not very romantic. Two people don't dance like that without knowing each other. Intimately. Have you ever known anyone as intimately as that Edward?" Her tongue comes out of her mouth and wraps itself around one of my olives, sucking it inside.

The wistful romantic has been replaced by Stepford Tanya again, her fluctuating personality rivals Sybil. And while I'm still lamenting the loss of my olives, someone comes up behind her and interrupts us.

"Tanya, unusual to see you here on a Saturday, how are you?" A guy in a bar apron greets her.

"Oh Riley! I didn't know you were working tonight, what a coincidence!" She takes my hand she's still holding and places it on her crossed knee. "Riley, this is Edward, we just had dinner at Mon Marche, that fabulous new French restaurant down the street. It's impossible to get in but Edward here was able to work some magic. Have you been yet?"

I can tell he's a bit irritated by her attitude, and possibly uncomfortable as he glances at my right hand on her knee and extends his, knowing I'll have to reciprocate. "No, haven't found the time. Nice to meet you Edward." He glances at Tanya. "Well you two have a good night, next rounds on me."

Riley walks away and goes behind the bar at the other end from where we are and starts to wipe it down. Tanya watches after him a moment then turns back to me slowly. Tight smile in place, fingers moving nervously over her necklace again.

"I had no idea he was working tonight, it was so nice to see him. Riley usually bartends on Fridays when the girls and I come. He's a bit of a flirt but the girls seem to enjoy him. I personally would never date a bartender, but he makes a great Buttery Nipple."

I chew my remaining olive and swallow, watching her edgy display. "I bet he does."

* * *

As I drive Tanya home to her uncle's house, we speak of seeing each other again, but make no specific plans. I know she's hoping for a lockdown of a second date, but I put it off, what with her using me to make the bartender jealous and all. I can tell she's out of sorts but she's playing it off well. I round the car to open her door and take her hand, helping her out. At the front door, she leans in, hoping for me to give her a goodnight kiss.

So I do.

A little while later, I pull into the parking garage at my building and ride the elevator up to my loft.

I had bought the apartment in the artsy town of Montrose after my grandfather's unexpected passing left me a small fortune and my trust matured. My parents of course, were opposed, wanting me to buy a respectable townhouse in an upscale West Houston neighborhood. I think they've visited my home once.

Not bothering to turn on the lights, I pull my tie off and throw it on the sofa, my suit jacket immediately following. Turning to grab a beer out of the fridge, I purposely ignore the guitar in the corner, where it sits in the moonlight, gathering dust against the exposed brick wall and mocking me in its cruel way.

I move to one of the oversized factory style windows, and turn the crank handle. It opens with a creak, letting in the sounds of the street below.

I'm not tired, more antsy than anything, and I think of pulling out some of the notes I need to prepare for court on Monday. The evening's sweetly scented breeze wafts over me and on impulse I put my beer down on the sill, put my jacket back on and find myself roaming the streets of my neighborhood.

I think of calling Emmett, to see if he wants some company, but think better of it. He'd want to know how the date with Tanya went, and then he'd give me shit for agreeing to yet another set up by my parents. Having no pressure of expectations from his family, he will never be able to understand mine. He sympathizes, he thinks he knows, but he doesn't. Emmett's goal in life is to get out of Texas, open up a strip mall law office in Hawaii and spend his free time learning to surf. The man wears puka shells and floral shirts with his Stetson.

Walking around the edge of a park, I realize I'm approaching The Library and stop my momentum. I contemplate going in and reconsider calling Emmett. He had mentioned wanting to join me the next time I got nostalgic.

As I'm trying to make up my mind about what I want to do, a white ball of fur scurries past me, leash dragging on the ground. I instinctively step on the leash to stop the errant dog in its tracks.

From behind me, I hear "Jasper! You naughty dog! Making me run after you like that!"

Jasper? My head snaps up to see Shutterbug running towards us, eyes only on the dog and not seeing who had stopped him.

She squats and scratches behind Jaspers ears. "Don't you do that again! Your daddies will be so mad at me if you run away! What did you see to make you run off like that, hmm? A squirrel? A pretty little doggie?" Finally realizing that someone had stopped the dog, she starts to look up at me. "Thank you so so so much! I can't even – Hey!" Her smile is huge, "Edward! Wow thank god you were there huh? I'd say it was fate!"

Jasper jumps up and starts trying to lick her face, which causes her to fall back on her ass. She's giggling and trying to get Jasper to stop, and I'm just standing there wearing what I'm sure is a dopey expression, as I can't help but zero in on the tiny plaid shorts barely covering said ass.

I shake my head to gather my senses and help her get Jasper off. I hold out my hand to help her up and instead of letting go once she's on her feet, which are bare again, she holds on tight and intertwines her fingers with mine.

"Are you alright?" Is all I can seem to get out. I think her shorts have made me stupid.

"Yeah I'm fine! Jasper here just slipped right away from me. Good thing we're not in a busy area, oh my god, could you imagine?"

"Maybe if you had some shoes -" I'm happy when she laughs. It's an unpretentious sound.

"Maybe." She's still holding my hand, the other holding Jasper's leash. "So what brings you over here this time of night Edward?"

"Apparently helping damsels in distress." I'm feeling cocky and smile at her. She starts bouncing on her toes, an excited gleam in her eye.

"Hey what are you doing now?"

"Um, I was contemplating going to the bar over there to get drunk actually." I point towards The Library.

"Come with us instead! There's a midnight showing of "The Way We Were" over behind the library. It's free!" She's pulling on my arm, making my body shake.

"I can't." I smirk at the hint of disappointment that has graced her upturned face. "My parents always taught me not to take off with strangers." She looks at me warily. "You've never told me your name." I laugh as she punches me in the arm, the hand holding hers reflexively pulling them both into my chest.

"It's Bella."

"Now that there is my favorite name of all time."

* * *

All around us, people sit on blankets, drink wine, and watch the story of Hubbell and Katie unfold on the big white screen attached to the wall of the library. I'm sitting in my eight hundred dollar suit on a patch of grass and dirt. Jasper has taken up residence in Bella's lap, her hand stroking his fur in a lazy pattern.

Bella had rummaged around in her huge fuzzy bag and came up with some animal crackers and was now holding every third one to my mouth. I take these opportunities to look at her in the flickering reflection of the movie on her face; her eyes bright and wide while she watches, a small smile playing on across her features. A few times during the movie, she whispers little things, her comments sweet observances of those around us. When she whispers her last comment, she leaves her head resting against my shoulder.

At one point I think she has maybe dozed off when I suddenly feel her breath brush my ear. "My mother loved this movie. I've seen it maybe fifty times. More probably!" She whispers so close to me, the action making our conversation oddly intimate.

I notice the use of past tense, and hesitate. "Where is your mother now?"

"She died."

Bella raises her head and reaches into the box, grabbing another animal. She shout-whispers "Monkey! That's the best one!" She holds it out to me even though it's not my turn. I want to ask her what happened to her mother, but I don't. It's obvious she's said all she wants to.

I open my mouth and she places the monkey on my tongue. I act on impulse and close my mouth over her fingers, and she giggles as she realizes she's trapped. "No fair! You can't have the monkey and my fingers too! What will I use to feed you any more?"

I grin and let her fingers slip out but she doesn't pull them away. Instead, she brushes her slightly wet fingertips over my cheek. "You're very handsome." She says it so quietly; I almost don't hear it over the murmur of the movie. She stares up in to my eyes for a moment, and I can't help but get a hint of melancholy from them. "I like you wild." She scratches her fingernails over my five o'clock shadow, which is now a one am shadow, and I feel a twinge in my chest.

The air around us is suddenly so energized I can't help but think that everyone around can feel it too, and my breath threatens to stop. The familiar music of the scene where Hubbell asks Katie to dance starts, and without putting too much thought into it, I take her hand. "Dance with me." I whisper to her, and as she gently lifts Jasper off her lap, I pull her up slowly. She doesn't say a word as I circle her waist with my right arm, my hand brushing against the bare skin the gap in her clothes make. She slips her right hand into my left, and I start moving us in our own little circle.

Our hands are joined once more against my chest, and this time, I can't ignore the feeling inside. I've danced with women hundreds of times, yet nothing has ever felt so personal. I don't know what it is about this odd girl; she's certainly not like anyone I've ever come across in my world. But this one moment dancing with her in this tiny space we've created is far more stimulating than anything I've done lately.

Unfortunately, the spell is broken when Jasper gets up and gives a yawn and a shake, rattling his tags. It hasn't even dawned on me that we might've been blocking the people behind us, but when I look back slightly self-conscious, an older couple just smiles at me.

Bella is the first of us to sit down, pulling Jasper back onto her lap. She's using both hands to stroke his fur now, and I wonder if she's trying to find something to do with them so I won't touch her again, when she lays her head on my shoulder and sighs in what can only be contentment.

Fuck me. I'm fucked.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******Strange Days by jandco (find it on A Different Forest)**

Bella Swan is coming of age in 1967. Small town rumors and her mothers absence shape the summer of 67 for Bella. ExB. rated R.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**Everybody's got plans... until they get hit." - **__**Mike Tyson  
**__**  
**_

The next time I saw her, I was still with her.

After the movie, people start clearing out, but Bella and I remain seated. I'm reluctant for the night to end, even though it's now two o'clock in the morning. I watch as Bella runs her hands up and down her legs, the pale flesh goose bumped from the chill of the late hour.

"So that was fun, huh? I guess-"

"You can't leave me now, I always follow a movie with a piece of pie. And I wouldn't be a gentleman if I didn't buy a pretty lady a slice." I interrupt, slightly panicked, cutting off what I thought were going to be her parting words.

"A lady never says no to pie! When I see one, I'll make sure to tell her you're feeling generous."

"Very funny." I put on my best downhome southern boy drawl, "Ma'am, would you be so kind as to accompany me to a crappy all night diner where I can buy you some of the best southern pie you've ever had?" I stand, extending my hand to help her up.

She grabs it, and again, doesn't let go once she gets up. "I would love to get pie with you cowboy." We make our way out of the park, her fingers hooked around mine and as she gently swings them back and forth.

We make a detour to her friend's apartment so she can run upstairs, drop Jasper off, and thankfully put on those damn street bought boots. We then make our way to the best greasy spoon in all of Houston. The broken bell above the door signals our entrance, and the waitress behind the long counter signals for us to sit anywhere.

There are only maybe seven tables in the whole joint, and Bella leads me to the corner, sliding inside the cracked vinyl booth with a squeak of her bare thighs against the old material. I slide in across from her and she grabs a menu from behind the well-used salt and peppershakers.

As she's looking over the menu, the waitress arrives with coffee pot in hand. Years of standing on her feet waiting on people mark what was once probably a kind face, but now just shows impatience and boredom. "Coffee?"

We both say yes, so she pours hastily, a bit of the liquid sloshing into the saucers, and asks what we'd like to order.

"Two pieces of pecan pie, please." I answer, then look to Bella, "It's the best kept secret in all of Texas." She nods in excitement.

"With vanilla ice cream too!" After looking at her nametag, Bella adds a friendly "Thanks Marge!" and Marge's tough exterior seems to crack as she smiles back at Bella before turning to get our pie.

"So…" I trail off, unsure of what to do now.

"So!" she says, enthusiastically but unhelpfully as she reaches for the sugar and pours what has to be a third of the container into her coffee.

"Ah yeah, the old college 'all-nighter' trick of eating too much sugar when you run out of Red Bull."

"Hmmm I never went to college, but I'll take your word for it." She puts her chin in her hand, watching me as she stirs.

"No?" There's that fucking brilliance again.

"No. But I've stayed up all night before. Once, celebrating summer solstice in an ancient Slavic ritual." I blink, not knowing what to say so I take a sip of my coffee, immediately choking when she continues, "I didn't need sugar, it entailed skinny dipping into a frigid lake filled with flowers and herbs." The image of Bella naked flashes through my mind and I shift under the table.

"Um, where did you do this?"

"I believe we were in New Hampshire at the time. No! We were in Vermont. I'm a bit fuzzy on the whole thing, I was fifteen." I now feel a bit pervy thinking about a fifteen year old naked Bella.

I have about a hundred questions, but ask the obvious. "How old are you now?"

_Please say at least twenty, please say at least twenty._

"Today is my twenty-first birthday." As she says this, Marge delivers our pie, and Bella gives her a sunny smile and another exuberant thank you.

"No kidding. Today? Well happy birthday then." I say to her, waiting for her to take a bite. Before she can get the fork into the pie, Marge comes back to the table, sticks a candle in the top of the dessert and lights the wick.

"Well, it's actually at five thirteen this morning. Are you gonna sing happy birthday to me Edward?" She asks lips poised over the candle ready to make a wish.

I feel my throat tighten. "I can't sing."

"Aw who cares if you can't carry a tune? It's my birthday! You have to sing to someone on their birthday!" Bella touches her fork to mine in a gesture of cheers.

Fighting the urge to expose too much of myself to this girl who's practically a stranger, I stare at the forks. They're mismatched, their difference more remarkable to me than if they were part of a set. It almost feels more comfortable that way, if they were the same, it would somehow be wrong here.

I cop out. "Um, I choose not to. Now why don't you make a wish before the wax gets all over your birthday pie." I shake my head, clearing it of heavy thought, and give her my smirk.

She eyes me a moment, like she's contemplating pushing. Instead, she lowers her head and I watch as she closes her eyes tightly, releasing a puff of air, extinguishing the flame.

"What did you wish for?"

"I wished that someday you would choose to sing."

I stare at her, not commenting, and Bella tucks into her pie, oohing and aahing the whole time. Her satisfaction in my pie choice lightens my mood.

"So Edward, tell me. How does a guy in a fancy suit know about this place?"

"What, people in fancy suits can't eat pie?" I scoff.

"Well, honestly, you don't look like you'd be coming here for Sunday dinner every week."

"And what is it that I do look like?"

Bella puts her fork down and sits back, surveying me. Putting her arms on either side of the backrest, she takes her time, even going as far as to look under the table at my shoes.

"You look like a guy that went out in a suit, probably on a date, but ended up sitting in the dirt with a girl named Bella." Her gaze is intense.

I swallow. "Why do you assume it was a date?"

"You're a hot guy, and you're wearing a pretty mouthwatering cologne that I don't think you were wearing for any male friends or colleagues. Oh, and you've had some red lipstick on the corner of your mouth all night." Flustered, I grab a napkin and wipe at my mouth. "So, what color were Taaanya's pearls anyway?"

I sigh. "White."

* * *

It's four o'clock in the morning by the time we leave the diner; Bella spent half an hour talking to Marge about life as a midnight to six am waitress. I really have to get home and get some sleep, I still have those files to go over for Monday and I had wanted to get together with Emmett in the afternoon to watch the baseball game.

Despite this, I find myself agreeing when she tells me she wants to show me something and leads me to the door of the building she's staying in. Entering the foyer, she walks past the elevators that I assume lead to the apartment floors, and takes me down a small hallway in back. There, she presses the button for what seems to be a freight elevator, and the painted green doors open wide.

We step in and she presses the button for the very top floor.

"Are you kidnapping me?" I joke, kind of.

"Mmm something like that." As soon as the ding signals we've reached our destination and the doors open, Bella grabs my hand and pulls me over to a steep staircase leading to a door. "Go on up!"

"I'm assuming this leads to the roof and not some weird kill room draped in plastic, right?"

"Well you'll never know unless you go up." When I don't move, Bella shoves me out of the way. "Fine you big baby, I'll go."

"Hey I was just being a gentleman, you know, in case you fall I can catch you."

"Yeah right. Scaredy cat." Bella starts climbing the wrought iron staircase, and I follow. I realize as I'm behind her that I now have a perfect view of the top of her thighs, right at the place hidden by her shorts where they become her ass. I don't try too hard to look away.

I feel the evening air whoosh around me as Bella opens the door and steps outside. I follow, only to stop a moment later.

In front of me, is a garden the likes of which I've never seen. A wooden path leads away into tropical plants and flowers, blocking the city view. Somewhere in the distance I can hear the faint trickle of water, almost blocking out the city sounds as well.

I step slowly down the path, following the direction Bella went, and see grass and river rock sprawling under the wooden boards that have become a little footbridge, arching over into another series of planks. The winding trail leads me to a hole in the foliage, where I duck under some mossy trees and I find Bella. She's sitting on the floor, on a series of brightly colored pillows, twinkling lights hanging from branches and wooden eves above her. There's a table in the middle of the seating area and she lights a small candle in the center. The smell of flowers and incense hang heavy in the still air of the alcove.

"Wow." I feel the need to whisper here.

"I know, isn't it amazing?" It really is. I sit next to her, the pillows giving in to the shape of my body.

I look around and see the source of the trickling fountain, a Buddha statue off in the opposite side of the path from us. Water is flowing on either side of him over rocks and I think it might be the most peaceful, if not a bit bizarre, place I've ever seen.

I'm pulled away from my meditation when Bella starts untying my shoes. I watch her as she pulls off one, then the other, followed by both of my socks. She grins up at me as she lightly tickles my bare foot. "Told you shoes were overrated."

I smile at her "I still argue that on concrete, they are a necessity."

"I guess we'll have to agree to disagree." Bella pulls her legs up and props her chin on her knee. In this light, her eyes sparkle and her hair falls down her face in shiny waves. She is breathtaking in the glow of the candle and the tiny lights above us.

We talk unhurriedly, about nothing of importance, just funny little things to make each other laugh. I notice that over the course of our conversation, we'd inched closer, her legs now brushing mine. Our bodies sitting opposite but aligned all at once. Time in this alcove seems non-existent, until Bella grabs my wrist to look at my watch, and declares it's officially her birthday.

I don't think, I don't ask, I don't do the gentlemanly thing. What I do, is raise my hand to her hair, my fingers sifting through the soft locks, and pull her head to mine. I kiss her lips, hard and unapologetic. My mouth moves over hers and I'm fucking electrified when I feel her kiss me back with as much enthusiasm.

At some point I break away, panting while Bella seems slightly dazed. "Happy Birthday Shutterbug."

She looks at me quizzically, but I just shake my head and kiss her again.

* * *

I'm laying in my bed, looking at the crisscross patterns the noon sunlight makes on the floor, the dust caught in it's beams shimmering.

I had left Bella shortly after what was maybe the most incredible kiss I'd ever had. She had stretched out on the pillows and claimed she was sleepy, wanting to nap. I didn't ask to see her again and she didn't ask if I would. I feel shitty about it now, but at the time, I didn't know what else to do. The need to get my head together spurred on by what I could only call her ambivalence to my imminent departure compelled me to go.

I was thrown. In such a short time, with a girl unlike no other, I had what I could only claim as an out of body experience. The whole evening I felt like I was watching someone else interact with her, like I wasn't there at all. And that kiss, fuck me, that kiss. Just thinking about the amount of natural passion inside her was making me hard.

The sheet around my waist is rising, and I move it to uncover my cock. Thinking about Bella is causing it to strain even more. It's been a while since I've taken matters into my own hand, pun intended, but there's no way I'm not taking care of this. I'm hornier than a motherfucker.

So I palm my dick and rub my thumb over the head, picturing Bella's hand, remembering all the little silver rings on her fingers. Grasping a little tighter, I start to move up and down the shaft slowly, my hips just starting to grind, setting a rhythm. Up and down, my hand moves while my ass slides against the soft sheets. I feel Bella next to me, can almost feel her breath on my cock, because if she were here, I'd make her watch.

I swipe two fingers over the tip, gathering the wetness and sliding back down, shifting over the veins, thumb and forefinger pinching and pulling all at once. My hips move faster, my breathing irregular, and my back arches as my hand pumps my cock hard and without mercy.

My orgasm rocks me suddenly, my throat closing and letting out a groan all at the same time, making my voice catch. Hot spurts of come land on my hand, my stomach, my sheets.

I lay still, coming to my senses. I shouldn't bother finding her again, it can't go anywhere.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******Paper CutOuts by twistedcoincidence**

Bella prefers the virtual to the actual, but feels herself being tugged from the safety of her online realm into the world of a rough edged Edward. This time she'll write her own story. Collab with astilbe13

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	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." - **__**Woody Allen **__**  
**_

The next time I saw her, she handed me some balls.

When I touched base with Emmett about getting together to watch the game, he suggested watching it at The Library. I hesitated, not sure I wanted to run into Shutterbug. I had no idea of course if she'd be there again, but it was the neighborhood she was staying in so chances might be good. Especially if she were out walking Jasper.

I wondered if some of my hesitancy was embarrassment, that if we did see her, I'd have to explain to Emmett how I had gotten to know her, a strange girl that wore no shoes. But Emmett was a lot more open minded than most of our peers, so it probably wouldn't faze him. I think my reluctance was weirdly due to wanting to keep last night exactly what it was. A secret that I'd be able to keep locked away in my memory, just mine. I was not going to share her.

I end up agreeing, not really being able to come up with a good excuse not to. I surreptitiously look for the purple camper, but it's not around. She must've taken it to a garage or gotten it fixed.

After Alice serves us a bowl of peanuts and we down two beers, I finally admit to feeling a certain amount of disappointment that she isn't here. I thought maybe she would have a shift on a Sunday, what with the bar being busy and full of sports fans. But it was another girl that was working alongside Alice, a girl named Jane that Alice seemed to be pretty fond of. If the touching and making out were any indication.

Emmett's making conversation about the game and about a girl he fucked two nights ago, so I don't feel the need to add much. He does ask me about the date with Tanya though, which is another topic I had hoped to avoid.

I sip my beer and give in. "It was fine, nice, you know." If not ridiculous and a bit insulting.

"Fine and nice don't sound like a fun night to me."

"We had dinner, went for a drink, she's ok. Not bad looking."

"Get any?" Emmett slams his hand down on the bar, protesting an umps bad call.

I wait for him to finish arguing with the TV. "No, it wasn't that kind of date."

Emmett turns to look at me like I'm stupid. "Not that kind of a date? What the fuck is wrong with you! Every date is that kind of a date." Sighing, I finish my beer and put it on the edge of the bar, signaling for a new one. "Seriously bro, the least she can do is blow you if you buy her dinner."

"Emmett, between your fashion sense and your outlook on women, it's amazing to me that you're still single."

"I know, right?" Emmett grins at me, looking down and pulling his hideous shirt covered in parrots away from his body. "So what do Mommy and Daddy Cullen have planned for your next outing?"

"You're an asshole."

"I might be an asshole but at least I know how to get a girl to blow me." Emmett turns back to the TV, discussing another bad call with the guy next to him.

I hadn't had much time to think about the date with Tanya. Besides the fact that she was using me to make the bartender jealous, which probably should bother me more than it does, she had made me laugh a few times. I wondered if she'd be different in a new setting. Not the basic dinner and a drink date. I try to picture her sitting on the ground watching a movie. I can't. But I figured I'd call her tomorrow, not too soon after the date but not too long to be considered rude. I'd have to remember to call my mother and tell her I planned on seeing Tanya again as I'm sure is expected. Me calling first would get her off my back for a while.

I believe my parents want me to have a good, happy life, but their idea of happy and mine can sometimes differ. Did I want a wife? Sure, one of my choosing preferably. Did I want kids? Absolutely. Did I want to become Governor and all that comes with it? I hadn't really been given the opportunity to think about anything else. A life in politics was what I was groomed for, and I guess at this point I didn't care enough to argue it. I had tried doing things my way once. With Vickie. I dated her knowing she wasn't "acceptable" but someone that I was actually attracted to. What ensued was a mess. I didn't care to relive that time, so I stopped fighting and dated the Tanyas and the Tiffanys. They were usually pretty and intelligent, and maybe it was enough.

We continued watching the game, had a shot or two, and talked some shit. Around the end of the eighth inning, Emmett's phone starts buzzing and vibrating on the bar.

"Dude, you gonna get that?" I ask him, watching him just stare at the screen. "It says its Rosalie."

"I know what it says."

"Isn't that a good thing? You were just mooning over her the other night."

"Yeah I know, but what the fuck? What does she want after two months of not speaking to me?"

"Only one way to find out. Maybe she wants your sorry ass back." I go to grab the phone and Emmett snatches it up.

"I'm not you, I don't need anyone interfering in my love life." Emmett gives me the finger while opening the phone, says 'hello' and walks to the other side of the bar.

I'm left sitting alone, observing people, but mostly glancing at Alice. I'm in denial that I've been waiting for an opportunity to ask where Bella might be. She finally looks over to me and snaps.

"What? You've been staring at me all day."

I look around to see who she might be yelling at and realize it's me. "I have not!"

"Yes, you have. Is there something on my face?"

I stammer, "What? No! I just wanted to ask you if Bella's around today!" I end up shouting back at her, a bit startled at our weird confrontation, enough to have spit out what I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Who's Bella?" She asks me back.

"Bella. The girl who was behind the bar on Friday night."

"I don't know anyone named Bella. Do you mean Consuela?"

"Consuela? No, she's not Spanish."

"You don't have to be Spanish to be named Consuela." She answers. I'm a bit dumbfounded by this whole conversation and getting a headache.

I calm myself, and begin again. "There was a girl here, Friday night," I pause, looking over to see if Emmett is still occupied, "she had twisty hair things and a miniskirt on. Oh! And she borrowed some flip flops."

"That's what I said. Consuela." Alice shrugs. "She doesn't work here. I just met her that day. She wanted to know what it was like to be a bartender, so I let her watch the place while I was in the back. Did she rip you off?"

"What? No! I was just wondering where she might be."

"Oh well I have no idea. She was nice though, if you see her tell her to come back and visit." With that, Alice goes back to waiting on the other patrons.

_Okaay_. I guess I don't have to worry about running into her here anymore. I tell myself this is a good thing.

Emmett comes back and pulls out his stool with force.

"Everything ok?" I ask.

"That bitch wants to see me. She wants me to drop everything and get over there tonight. Like I have nothing better to do."

"You don't have anything better to do."

"I'm hangin' with you! Isn't that good enough?" Emmett throws back the rest of his beer.

"So you're saying you don't want to see her?" I keep my hand on the bar, waiting for Alice to pass me before I signal for another round from Jane.

"Hell no! She can take her blonde, magnificent body and wait for me. I decide when I'm ready to go see her." Emmett slams a fist down.

"Uh huh. Last round?"

Emmett sighs, and gives up the façade. "Fuck. I should go soon."

By the time we leave, after Emmett declares he's not whipped and has another shot, it's dark out and I still haven't gone over the briefs I need for tomorrow. I'm a little drunk and I'm thankful I walked here. We part ways, exchanging vague ideas for meeting up later in the week. He's still pissed I'm working this summer, claiming I'm ruining all his plans, which include taking an indoor surf lesson at the Y downtown.

I have my hands in the pockets of my jeans, slightly weaving as I watch Emmett get in the taxi he called, and drive away.

I know why I'm hesitating. I know why I'm not walking home. I feel the pull of the opposite direction, the direction I know she's in. I fight it for a few minutes, I really give it a valiant effort, but I find myself walking down that street and around that corner I've walked with her twice before.

I stand staring at the tall gray building. I think I'm willing her to either come down or stick her head out the window. After five minutes of serious stalling, I take a deep breath and find the list of tenant names next to the buzzer by the ornate glass door.

I trail the list with my finger, not really know what I'm looking for, trying to get my eyes to focus. All I have is two first names that may or may not appear on the list. I luck out when I find an 'S. Herman' and a 'D. Drake'. I'm assuming this is Steve and Derek, the occupants of the apartment and Jasper's owners.

I hesitate, but end up ringing the bell. I'm surprised when a male voice answers, and a video phone flashes to life beside the intercom. "Hello? Can I help you?"

"Um hi, sorry to bother you, I was looking for Bella? Is she still here?"

"Who are you?" The intercom crackles at me, accusing.

"I'm Edward, it's Steve, right? We met when she came to dog sit? Outside? You were just about to leave?" The fact that they're home means she's gone, and I'm distracted now.

"She's not here, we came home today so…"

"Right. Do you know where I might be able to find her?"

"Stick your face up to the monitor better."

"What?"

"I want to see you better, see if you are who you say you are."

I'm slightly offended but do as he asks.

"Oh right! Mr. Fuckable! She was talking about you today."

Warmth spreads through me. "Do you know where she might be now?"

"No, Bella isn't one to put down roots, you know? She probably met someone else that needed her help and is staying with them."

"Wait, she doesn't live in an apartment or a house or something?"

"Not that I know of. Did you see her camper anywhere?"

"No." I run my hands through my hair, frustrated and slightly panicked.

"Well, she'll turn up, she always does. If I see her I'll tell her you came calling. Bye Mr. Fuckable!"

And with that, the monitor goes dead and the intercom gives one last crackle.

* * *

To say I wasn't a little floored by the revelation that Bella didn't live anywhere would be an understatement. Besides the fact that it wasn't safe and just plain _wrong_, it was upsetting to me that I might not see her again. I know I had decided it was for the best, but the reality was I wanted to.

I found myself looking for her camper everywhere over the next two days. It might be the only way I'd catch a glimpse of her again. Driving to work, driving across town to a meeting, even driving home on the same roads I'd seen her on before.

I knew deep down that it wouldn't matter if I did find her, honestly, what would I do? Nothing could ever happen.

Monday, I spend the night in my apartment, antsy and agitated. I walk from end to end of the loft, picking up stray items, straightening magazines, generally trying to find something to do. I have no desire to work, I have no desire to read any of the preliminary test questions for the Bar exam.

I move over to the corner and really look at my guitar for the first time in I don't know how long. I feel remorse for the condition I've left it in, open to dust and the elements. The shiny wood grain front is no longer shiny, a cobweb trailing from corner to neck advertising its uselessness. Instead of cleaning it off as I know I should, I end up taking a blanket from the back of the leather couch and throwing it over the whole thing and go to bed.

I end up not calling Tanya until Tuesday morning, and she of course accepts my offer of another date later in the week. It's a good thing and a letdown all at the same time.

Tuesday night is much the same as Monday.

On Wednesday afternoon, driving to drop papers off at Judge Black's office, I finally see it. I almost think it's a figment of my imagination, but no, there it is, parked on the side of the street at a park, near a bunch of food trucks. How many purple campers could possibly be in Houston? I pull over quickly, garnering the anger of the guy behind me who isn't too shy to show that anger with his horn. I duck down in my seat as I've gathered unwanted attention from the people outside. I'm not sure what I'm going to do and I don't know that I want her to see me.

I watch for a while, files forgotten on the passenger seat. There's no Bella, just hungry lunchtime customers. I start to think that there is, impossibly, another purple monstrosity in Houston and am about to pull away when I see her. She's exited one of the trucks, wearing an apron stained with food, the ruffled skirt from the first day I met her, and the boots. She's fanning herself with a stack of napkins and I watch as she pulls her hair away from her neck and then takes a drink from a can of soda.

In my mind, I'm watching her in slow motion. She could be the hot girl in a beer ad, slowly arching her back and taking a long cool drink, staring at the camera enticing all the men in the world to buy their beer with the promise that you'll get to have a girl like her if you drink their product.

The shirt she has on under the apron is indecent, white and short and stuck to her skin in the heat. I see a hint of a tattoo along her ribcage, but mostly I see other men on the street appreciating the view and I get pissed. It's irrational and I can recognize that, but it doesn't make it any less so. There will be no sharing. I slam my hand down on the steering wheel and look down.

"Shit!" I realize I've still got these papers to deliver, so I take it as a sign that it's in my best interest to leave Bella well enough alone and pull away from the curb. As I pass her, I look in the rearview mirror and I swear she's recognized me as she watches me drive away.

After 3 hours at Judge Baylor's office, thankfully avoiding Tanya as she's in court, I get back in my car and take off my tie, no intention of getting back to Judge Blacks today, given the late hour. It's his card night so I know he won't be looking for these papers until tomorrow.

I know I'm going to drive by the food trucks, so I don't even fight it and just go. Her camper is still there and I circle the block twice before I finally pull over a second time in a day.

The heat radiating off the food trucks is fierce, the smells intense. It's getting to be that not quite dark, not quite light time of the evening and I realize I haven't eaten at all so I look to see what fare is being offered. I may or may not decide on which truck to eat at depending on where Bella might be.

I'm strolling past a Korean BBQ truck, looking at the menu when I hear her shout my name.

"Edward! Hey Edward!" I pretend to look surprised to see her leaning out of the serving window; sure I'm pulling it off until she adds "So why'd you leave in such a hurry this afternoon?"

"Uh, I was on my way…dropping off papers." Brilliance is not my friend.

"Are you hungry? We have great rice balls! Would you like some balls Edward?"

I laugh, shocked, "You did not just say that to me."

"Sure did! Really, they're excellent. You have to have some. You look hungry." Bella turns to the back of the truck and starts plating something into a little box. Instead of handing it to me through the pass, she comes out the side door and bounces over to me. "Here, on the house!"

I take a bite of a rice ball while looking at her eyes; they're sparkling in anticipation.

"Good right?" She's pulling on my sleeve and I answer around a mouthful of food.

"They're really good. What's in them?"

"Oh some diced carrots, mushrooms, bacon, sesame seeds, kimchee, you know the usual."

"Did you make these?" I say, taking a huge bite of the second rice ball. Sue me, I'm starving.

"I did. I learned the recipe from an old woman in a village outside of Seoul called Icheon."

"Wow. You've gotten around, huh?" I mentally slap my forehead. "I didn't mean that the way it sounds." I smirk. "On second thought, maybe I did."

"That's ok, I have gotten around." She winks at me and lets go of my sleeve.

I finish my food and throw the container in the wastebasket. "Are you working much longer?" Shit.

"No! Want to do something?"

I don't. _I can't_. I should go home, read some legal briefs, maybe watch Fox news and jerk off before bed making myself think about Tanya. If I'm feeling feisty I'll watch The Daily Show after.

"Yes. Yes I do."

"Great! Let me just say goodbye." She skips over to the door of the food truck and proceeds to hug all three of the guys working there. She takes off the apron, hangs it up and comes back over to me. Without the apron, the shirt is even worse and it's apparent she has no bra on. I groan.

She leads me to her camper thing and opens the door. The stairs creak and groan with our weight, the springs protesting. Once inside, I shut the door behind me and turn around.

Silver and blue Christmas lights hang around the ceiling of the main room, the only light besides the dim bulb above the one burner stove. It's clean, but clothes cover most of the surfaces. Including the drivers seat. Not just clothes, but sweaters. Sweaters that appear to be unraveling. There are colorful scarves hanging across any window openings, the streetlight outside casting various hues of color around the space. The sparkly things on the cloth shine and dance across the floor.

"God do I need a shower. I smell like Koreatown. Brings back good memories though!" She laughs and makes her way to the back of the camper. She opens a brown accordion type door and motions for me to follow.

I pass through the tiny kitchen containing a dorm room type fridge, and on the other side of the passageway I see a tiny bathroom with a shower, sink, and toilet no human could possibly sit on comfortably. This leads to what can only be the bedroom, as the bed takes up the entire space. Bella has to climb on top of it to get to the other side of the room to grab a towel and turn on a small light. She's kneeling on the bed and motions for me to sit, because she can't pass by me if I'm standing in the hallway, it's that small a space.

She takes my place in the doorway and grabs her shirt hem, lifting it with both arms over her head, her hair falling through the neck opening. She tosses the shirt into a basket on the other side of the bed and I'm staring. Her breasts are right there in front of me, and fuck it, I'm looking.

She then goes to shimmy out of her ruffle skirt thing and I finally turn away. She laughs at me. "Shy Edward? It's just a body." Yeah, a body that also wasn't wearing any underwear either and is now completely naked next to me. From the side, I can see she's got her hands on her hips, challenging.

So I turn back. Fuck me, I have a new respect for those boots, as they're all she's wearing besides the ivy tattoo swirling around her side. My eyes must be bugging out of my head or something because she goes to move the towel to cover herself.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I was raised that the body is something that should be admired and revered, not covered up and made shameful. I guess I forget sometimes that other people think of it differently."

"No." I stop her from covering up, my eyes meeting hers in a determined stare. "Your body should be painted by great artists."

She lowers the hand holding the towel and cocks her head, smiling at me. "That was a beautiful compliment."

"It's true." She bends down and brings her lips to mine, barely pressing them together.

She whispers into my mouth. "I'll be right back." With that, she turns and enters the tiny bathroom.

I flop down backwards on the bed as I hear the shower turn on. Wishing I was that tattoo snaked around her body.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******High Anxiety by EdwardsBloodType**

Cute, trendy Bella returns home to escape the heartache of her past. She immediately befriends neighbors Jasper and Edward, bonding with them in the treehouse out back. Bella and Edward discover they have more in common than they ever dreamed of.

**_I would love to know what you're thinking, please take a moment to review! _**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**I never like to make plans. It's nice to just hang." – Tom **__**Hiddleston**__**  
**_

The next time I saw her, her words lay naked before me.

Once Bella's shower was done, she came out of the bathroom wearing only two braids in her hair. Unfortunately, she then put on a pair of cutoff jeans, the edges frayed, and a checkered shirt that reminded me of a picnic. I guess she was going full on Minnie Pearl tonight.

She offered me something to drink and went to look in the mini fridge, but came up empty. "Sorry, I can offer you some ginseng tea or a Mountain Dew. That's about it." She laughed. "Now that I'm twenty one, I should stock some booze, huh?"

"It's fine." I can't imagine sitting in this camper all night anyway, so I tell her I have some wine at my place if she'd like to go there. As I say it, I realize this will be the first time I've had a girl other than my mother or Eloise at my apartment. I don't usually share my living space with the women I date.

Bella grabs her bag, shoves some of the unraveled sweater into it for some reason, and salutes me. "Let's go!"

"Will your camper be ok here overnight?"

"Sure, I'm working at the food truck again tomorrow, I'm paying off Lee for fixing this thing up when it died the other day."

"So he's not paying you?" I ask, confused.

"No. I needed a favor, and so did he. It worked out." She steps out and locks the door behind me when I exit.

"So what do you do for money?"

"I don't worry about money."

I think I stop in the middle of the street to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," she says, pulling me towards my parked car, "that it isn't important enough to worry about."

"But…if you work for favors and volunteer to work behind bars how do you make any money? Alice says 'hi' by the way _Consuela_."

Bella giggles. "Oh I was in a mood that day." She looks at me as I open her door. "How do you know about that? Did you go there to find me?" She's giving me a smile like she's found out my deepest secret.

"I plead the fifth on the searching bit, but I did ask when I was there Sunday. Now get in, before someone hits the car door with it hanging open like this."

She does as I say and when I've gotten in my side and pulled from the curb, I get back to the money conversation, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

"So, the money thing? What do you do for money?"

"Various things. But nothing illegal if that's what you're worried about." Rubbing the leather seats, she continues. "So, I'm guessing by this fancy car that you live in an equally fancy place."

"Hmm maybe my living quarters will surprise you." I shift my eyes over to her, giving her my best grin. She seems to fall under my spell just a bit, until she insults me.

"Doubtful. You're stuffy." As she's insulting me, she at least has the decency to giggle while she's doing it. Softens the blow.

"Excuse me? I am not stuffy."

"You've been in a suit every time I've seen you. I'm guessing you live in one of those nice high-rises downtown, you know, doorman, marble floor..."

"Well then you're in for a treat." A few moments later I pull into my parking garage and escort her to the elevator, her boots making that shuffle plop sound again.

"See? Parking garage, elevator in said garage…" She trails off when she sees it's not a normal lift. There are no gilded mirrors or brass rails. I close the industrial steel cage door with a loud clang and latch the bottom hook with my foot. She allows me to grab her and I use our joined hands to pull the lever up, holding it until we get to my floor.

Once I pull the door open, I motion for her to enter the hall ahead of me. The walls are cement block, painted beige, and the lights on the wall are covered in wire brackets, the kind you'd see on gymnasium lights. There are just two doors on this floor, my neighbors and mine. I move to the one painted red and unlock it, pulling the heavy sliding door along its track.

Flipping on the entryway light, which mirrors those in the hallway, I usher her inside. Smiling, I turn to her and do a 'ta da' movement with my arms. The view is the same one I see every night, the streetlights from outside enough to see by, but I'm enjoying her check out my space so I turn on more lights for her. She moves into the room, trailing her fingers over the cement island of the kitchen, and turns to me.

"Okay. Okay I can admit I was _wrong_." She throws up her hands in frustration and lets out the last word in a bellow. "I guess you're not a lawyer then."

Laughing, I turn to the fridge to get the wine. "Actually, I am. Or will be. Last year of law school coming up. And then into politics." I'm reaching for two glasses and the opener, when I realize Bella hasn't said anything. Turning, I see her standing stiffly in place, her lips mashed into a line.

"What?" I ask her, grabbing the wine and fiddling with the neck of the bottle, loosening the tin cap.

"You're a politician?" She asks, her eyes not meeting mine.

"Well technically not yet, but I vote." I halfheartedly chuckle at my own joke, trying to lighten whatever mood just fell over us. "Hey, what's the matter?" I move to her, my hands resting on her shoulders, trying to comfort? Understand? I'm not sure.

"I can't vote." She starts strangely terse, but then smiles. "I was born in Canada."

"Ha! Well don't worry, I won't tell." I wonder about her aversion to politicians, but I don't ask. I turn back to the wine, opening it and pouring two glasses. Glad to see that whatever was bothering her is gone, she's reaching for the glass I hold out, but I pull it back. "Since you just turned twenty one, I have to ask. Have you ever had wine before?" I narrow my eyes at her, in what I hope appears to be a playful gesture.

"Pfft. I've had absinthe in Amsterdam." She answers, rolling her eyes at me and taking her glass. Turning back to the room, she glides around the furniture, trying to figure me out, assessing.

As she's just about to peek under the blanket in the corner, I surprise myself with the sharp "don't" that escapes my mouth.

She startles, but moves on, joking and pointing at the lump. "Tanya? Under there?" She moves to the floor to ceiling bookcase and runs her hand across my collection of rare sheet music and looks around the loft, stopping at the blanket with a knowing look on her face. Thankfully, she doesn't say what I know she's thinking and instead moves to the area of the room the bed is in.

"Oooh oooh, now THAT is a bed!" Bella puts her glass down on the end table and climbs up. It's high, so she has to kind of half jump half climb, and I appreciate her backside once again. She takes off her boots and sprawls out, doing one of those angels in the snow moves. "Oh it's just so fluffy! This can't possibly belong to a man! I could stay here forever!"

The thought has some appeal, but instead of voicing that, I sip my wine, just watching her body move. She remains laying on the bed, legs curled up and feet tucked under her ass like a pin up pose. Lifting her arms to loosen the braids, her hands fan out the long wavy hair across my bedspread. She looks so innocent but sexy lying on the white bedding. Cowgirl gone terribly, terribly wicked.

My voice is rough. "Are you hungry? I think I have some cheese and bread I can feed you."

"Sure." She sits up and grabs her wine, but stays seated on the bed. "You're not going to stay in your suit are you? You don't look very comfortable."

I pause thinking, and I for the first time ever, I'm uncomfortable standing in my suit. I agree and go to change.

I leave my walk in closet a few moments later wearing a loose pair of navy pajama pants and holding a t-shirt. Just as I'm about to slip it over my head, Bella stops me. I see her checking out my body, no shyness at all as she looks me over. "Leave the shirt off." I do.

* * *

"My mom raised me. We were really close, sisters more like. She didn't like to stay in one place too long; she said it made her feel claustrophobic. So instead of leaving me with relatives like some might do, which I don't think we had anyway, she took me with her."

"Sounds lonely." I'm lying on the couch while Bella is sitting next to the coffee table. Our feast gone and wine almost empty. I pour her what's left, watching her lick the side of the glass for the drop that escaped.

"It wasn't, at all. It was fantastic. I had so many playmates. Older, younger, rich, poor, you name it. I never had trouble making friends. I learned so much from so many different types of people. It's the kind of education you could never get sitting in a classroom."

"But that stuff is important too, I mean, you need to learn to read and write." I have a sudden fear that maybe she can't.

"Of course I can read and write." If my statement offends her, it doesn't show. "My mother was studying to be a teacher before she became pregnant with me. She was able to complete most of her schooling before I came along. And what she couldn't teach I'd learn from people we met and schools where we stayed for a while. I had more teachers and benefitted from more subjects than any school can offer."

I contemplate this, wrapping my head around it. All I've ever known is the institution of a structured school system. Hell, my parents wouldn't let me sign up for any elective that wasn't debate team or mock UN.

"I've sheared sheep in India, painted houses in Mississippi, worked on a farm in Idaho. I've helped Alzheimer's patients in nursing homes and served food to the homeless in Seattle. My life was rich, and full of love. We made family everywhere we went." Her voice takes on a melancholy edge, and I hesitate but ask what exactly happened to her mother.

Bella stands and makes a scooting motion at me so I slide over on the couch as much as possible, making room for her to fold her body against mine, her back to my front. The music we had turned on before is low in the background; Nina Simone seems to fit the sudden sadness.

"We were driving in a huge mess of a camper, way bigger than the one I have now. We had just crossed the border from Mexico to California when Renee grabbed her chest and started to gasp for breath. The trailer started pitching back and forth and I tried to grab the wheel to keep it straight, the whole time yelling 'Mom! Mom! What's wrong?' I was so scared and the steering wheel wouldn't cooperate. At some point she had let the gas go, so we weren't moving too fast, but I couldn't control it and we crashed into the side of a highway overpass, the front of the trailer folded up and smashed the windshield and I got knocked out for a few seconds or minutes, I'm not sure. But when I came to, my mother was dead. Massive heart attack. She was forty."

"Oh my god Bella…" Is all I manage as I put my arms around her, she's composed, but gripping my arms tightly.

"They said that there was nothing I could've done. That she probably died before the crash and I hadn't noticed. I believe them, I don't have some martyr notion that had I not crashed the trailer and been able to get help that she would've survived. I'm just glad she got to paint the Mexican pottery she loved so much."

"Bella, when did this happen?"

"A year ago May." We lay there in silence; my hands make slow circles on her stomach.

Bella shakes her head slightly. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sleepy. Can you take me home?"

"I'd rather you stayed here. I can sleep on the couch."

"Can't we sleep in your bed together? I promise I'll keep my hands to myself." I'm glad she's not so sad she can't joke.

"Well then I'm definitely not sleeping in the bed with you." I chuckle and move to get up. Clearing away the glasses and food, Bella uses the bathroom and yells through the door.

"Edward?" She continues before I answer. "There's only one problem."

"And that would be?"

"I sleep naked. Unless that's an issue, I can borrow a t-shirt maybe?"

I'm surprised the wine glass I'm rinsing doesn't slip and break in the sink.

I clear my throat, "Um no that's ok. Do whatever you're comfortable with."

In my periphery, I see Bella jump from the bathroom doorway onto the bed, where she rolls around again before getting under the sheets. It's a bit warm and I've left off the thick down comforter, but ask her if she wants it.

"No, I'm a warm sleeper, I usually end up kicking everything off anyway." I put the other glass down, unwashed, very carefully. I feel a bit weird with the on and off switch of tonight's conversation, but if she's ok with not getting heavy handed, I sure am.

After turning off the lights, I make my way to the bed and tell her to move, as she's on my side. She smiles and scootches her body over, barely clearing the middle. I climb in and turn to her, looking at her face, half lit in the manufactured glow of the streetlight, and the other half by the moonlight from the other window on the opposite wall.

"I'm sorry about your mom, Bella." I whisper into the darkness.

"It's ok. She's always with me." I want to kiss her inappropriately, but she ducks her head under my chin, pushing me onto my back. She puts her arm around my stomach while my arm hovers above her shoulders, not quite sure what I'm expected to do. "Is this ok?" She asks.

I lower my arm to pull her into me.

Yeah. It's ok.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******Pinky Swear by kharizzmatick**

Bella always knew she loved her best friend, but it isn't until she finds out he's engaged that she remembers just how much. How far will she go to make him see he's marrying the wrong woman? A story about finding your heart and losing your head. AH E/B

**_I'm thankful for reviews on Thanksgiving! Have a happy turkey day! _**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**He put in your heart certain wishes and plans; in my heart, he put other different desires." - **__**Sitting Bull**_

The next time I saw her, she made my world spin._**  
**_

I awoke to thoughts of car crashes and braids, the taste of wine on my lips and the smell of Bella in my nose.

She's laid out in all of her glory; naked as the day she was born. The sheets have bunched by her knees, their ropey transformation pulling them off me as well.

I have no desire to leave this bed. Her long hair is tangled around her in a halo; still wavy from the braids she wore fresh out of her shower. Milky smooth skin, flushed slightly from either her own body heat or devilish dreams that match the smile on her face. Her shoulder is close enough to me that I reach my tongue out, wanting to taste.

A fire truck going by down below makes her stir, and as she yawns and stretches. It's obvious she's forgotten she's with me, the feel of my tongue on her shoulder making her jump. She looks at me and her face awakens, smiling at me lazily in greeting. She doesn't speak, it's almost like she can feel the importance of the silence as we look at each other.

Without a sound, I lean in and kiss her. My mouth asking for the world, her world, and she lets me in. A silent meeting of tongues and lips. My hands move to her hair and pull it slightly, manipulating to make her open up to me fully. The only sound is our breathing and the rustle of the sheets as she untangles her legs.

I break away, checking with her to see if I can continue. I see no hesitation as I hold her face, kissing eyes, nudging cheeks, nipping her jaw.

I feel her hand on my side, fingers feeling my skin for the first time, exploring. Her leg brushes against mine, bare skin to cotton and I want nothing more than to be naked with her.

Her mouth takes mine hungrily and I'm overwhelmed again by the amount of passion one person can show another with a kiss. My hand starts moving over her out of sheer determination and when it finds no protest, it greedily captures a breast. Her nipple is hard, and my thumb circles over it, causing her leg to jerk, raising it higher against mine. In this position she must be wide open, but I don't take the invitation.

I lower my head and suck on her hard nipple, so fucking good and sensitive, she's pulling my hair while her breathing increases. Her hand moves from my hair to my back, going lower and moving under the waistband of my pants, barely inside, tentatively feeling the top of my ass.

The silence is deafening but I stifle a moan, this moment seems to be writing itself and I'm not going to change the script of what we're creating. She shifts her body, offering the other breast to me and I suck greedily. Once I've gotten that nipple as hard as the other, I lick under each breast, just tasting her skin. My mouth won't detach from her body, it's consumed by her. The need in me is too intense, the sexuality pouring off of her is drowning me.

I kiss and lick along her tattoo and hips, my nose dipping into the small amount of hair hiding her from me, but not lingering. Just getting a preview. Her hand moves to the breast I let go, pulling and pushing, kneading the flesh like it doesn't know what it wants. The sight of her touching herself makes my cock grind into the bed, the stimulation not nearly enough.

I move back up her body, taking her mouth. Her hand once again dipping into my pants but this time, she's not shy and shoves the waistband down, her hand grabbing my ass, her nails scratching. She's moved her body closer and I find myself pushing my still covered cock against her leg, searching. Her hand moves around the front of my pants and grabs the shaft, her hips bucking once she makes contact.

She breaks away from me and angles herself so that she's got two hands free, and with a fucking sexy lick of her lips, she pulls my pants down, the fabric getting caught on my cock for a moment and she smiles as she frees it, hard and red and pulsing. The tiniest moan escapes her mouth, like hunger, and she returns her hand to me. She's not shy, and in one quick movement, she's licked my shaft from balls to tip. I can't hold back a moan in surprise, which quickly turns to a growl of pure ache when she doesn't repeat the gesture.

She knows what she's doing, this sexy fucking girl, and she kisses the line of hair to my navel, moving to tease me with her breasts as she rubs them over my cock. I thrash my feet to get my pants down and off and as soon as I'm completely naked, I feel her wet pussy slide up my thigh, my cock hitting her stomach in response. I grab her under her arms, around her ribcage and slide her back down a moment, the feel of her on my leg not something I want to let go of just yet.

The lust in her eyes makes me salivate, wanting to taste every part of her. I push my thigh up suddenly and she cries out when I hit her in the right spot. So I do it again. And again. She's riding my thigh and gripping my shoulders, while my hands are still on either side of her ribcage, thumbs rubbing the sides of her breasts, nipples still swollen from my mouth.

I can't pull my eyes from her face, my stare intense as I watch her turn completely fucking on in the heat of this foreplay. I don't say it out loud, but I want her to come on my thigh and I let her know by moving my hands to her hips and forcefully grinding her body onto me. My thigh is slick and the thought makes my cock twitch, I'm sure she can feel it spasm on her leg. Bella uses her hands to push herself up a bit higher, and when she looks down to watch us, I practically come from the sight. She's quietly moaning, enjoying the view as much as the sensation. I look down and the display of her pussy on me, rubbing, sliding, forces me to close my eyes to control myself. Her breathing speeds up and she falls out of the rhythm we've created, so I move her the way I know she wants it and in a few seconds my eyes slide open in time to watch her face as she comes all over my leg. She's flushed and panting and fucking hot as hell in her bliss.

As she's coming down, I lean up to kiss her, the force of her breath against my face making her hair fan out slightly, she's trying to kiss me back, but is unable. She looks at me and smiles slowly, her grin turning devilish as she takes her shaky leg and moves it to the other side of me, straddling. I know what we're about to do, but she's worked hard enough so I grab her sides and flip her down onto her back, covering her body with mine, sliding my cock up and down her lower stomach.

She kisses me intensely, and lets me know she's ready when her legs fall open, so I shift down and rub my shaft over her sensitive pussy. I'll never take advantage, never take anything a woman offers for granted, so I look at her, so beautiful under my body. She's in this game of no words with me and just nods her head in agreement.

I reach into the drawer and slip a condom on, but hesitate for a moment. I don't want this blanket of lust that's covering us to end too quickly, so I hold her head in my hands and kiss her, moving to her cheek, her neck. I get lost in the smell of sex between her shoulder and neck, sucking on the skin there before moving back to her mouth until my mind leaves my body and I push the tip of my cock into her. I thrust shallowly once or twice, my mouth never leaving hers. Her hips buck, impatient until I finally give in and thrust inside her, swallowing her moan with my mouth.

She encourages my movements with her hands and feet on my ass, pulling me into her. My body is over stimulated and I try to kiss her and fuck her at the same time, one winning out over the other and end up letting my body thrust while my mouth hovers over hers, eyes locked and hands in her hair.

I pump my cock into her willing flesh, sliding in and out greedily. I start to lose it a bit and my cock slides out, both of us groaning in frustration until I feel her hand on me, pushing and guiding me back. She lets out a whimper and keeps her hand there, fingers at the place where we're joined, feeling me thrust in and out of her. The extra stimulation starts sending me over the edge, and before I can come I push her hand out of the way and circle her clit with my thumb, my eyes rolling back in my head when I feel the place we're connected for myself. Her legs are constricting around me, her arms pushing against my biceps, her face straining. And when I feel her start to come around me, she yells out a "Jesus Fucking Christ!" breaking the silence and I hold off until the last possible second, letting her ride it out until I feel an explosion in my balls and come into her grunting and slamming and jerking our bodies together.

My gasping for air matches hers, and I lower my elbows to either side of her, my head falling down into her hair on the pillow.

I nearly cry when I feel her shift her legs, my cock getting one last second of friction. I pull out, but don't move off of her, her arms and legs wouldn't let me go even if I tried.

I raise my head to look at her, sweaty and messy and fucked and beautiful. "I think you're going to hell for that comment."

She laughs, "I'm about five different religions, I'm sure one of them isn't all that offended."

* * *

After we get out of the well-used bed, Bella skips naked to the kitchen to make coffee, and as much as I don't want to, I get up to take a shower. I want to lock Bella up in my apartment and get lost in her. Working today is the last thing I want to do, which confuses me, as I usually enjoy the structure of work, whether it is at class or office. I had barely missed a day in my entire scholastic career. My stomach flips; I feel the perception of my life tilting, as I listen to her rattle around in my kitchen. I fear falling, I fear staying the same. I bend over in the shower, trying to regain my composure.

After a choked down cup of coffee and some distracted conversation that I play off as being concerned about a case, we're both dressed and on our way.

We stand outside her trailer, the food trucks just starting their morning rituals, preparing to open. The heat of the day is already sufferable, made worse by the exhaust swirling around us. My tie feels tight and I'm dizzy, staring at what she considers a home. I start to feel panicked. Reality slaps me in the face, the fact that I've started down a dangerous road these last few days making me uneasy. I know I can't let this get out of control.

Visions of Vickie and my parents and lies are running through my head, expectations and acceptable behavior choking me like the fumes from the trucks.

Standing there outside of Bella's camper, saying goodbye, I turn into an asshole.

Stupid words are coming out of my mouth before I can stop them. "So…I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to get away, we're in the middle of a big case so-" I pause, running my hand through my hair, not looking at her.

"Edward, I had a lot of fun, but you don't have to worry, I'm a big girl." She says defensively, thinking I'm blowing her off.

I try to make it sound like that's not exactly what I was doing. "Bella, that's not what I meant." _I can't see you again, as much as I may want to_.

"Oh. Well what did you mean then? Life's too short to be tiptoeing around what you want to say."

"I had a great time with you Bella," _I really did_. I turn away. "I truly mean what I'm saying. I'm behind at work, and I'm not sure what my schedule looks like."

Bella crosses her arms and moves her face in front of me so that I'm forced to look at her. She sighs. "Look Edward, trust me when I say that if we see each other again, then great. If not, I had a lot of fucking fun." She pauses a minute, a slow smile spreading across her flawless face. "Literally!" Her attitude about the time we spent together makes me feel like the prick that I am.

She's laughing at her own joke, and I can't help but smile. I'm reminded of the need I felt looking for her, and of the freedom I feel when I'm with her. My panic starts to dissipate. I can do this. I can have something just for me. If she isn't expecting more from me, I can give myself, and her, whatever this is for now.

I decide that she doesn't need to know about the conflict inside me, so I lean in to kiss her slowly. She lets me. I lower my voice, speaking into her ear. "I really do want to see you again Bella. Will you let me? Please?" I give her some southern charm, hoping it's enough to fix this mess. I must do ok, because she answers with just a yes and a sparkle in her eye.

"Please tell me that you own a cell phone?" I ask, giving her the fish eye.

"No, I usually make smoke signals when I need to contact someone." Dead serious.

I see her serious face start to waiver, a sly grin starting to appear. "Oh so we're already comfortable enough where we make fun of each other, I see." Being normal with her is a relief. The last few minutes felt unnatural.

"Jesus Edward, you think I was raised in a cave. Give me your phone, I'll program my number in." A few pressed buttons later and I hear "Tequila!" coming out of her bag.

"Right, I'll call you, ok? We'll go to dinner or something, or whatever you want to do." I take her hand and kiss the back of it. "I can't wait to see you again, sweet Bella."

I turn to get into my car, and force myself to not look back. Attachment is not an option.

As I drive away, a sudden sense of horror overcomes me as I remember that I promised to take Tanya out this week. Fuck.

Sitting at my desk, listening to my co-worker prattle on about her day is literally about to make me poke my eyes out. In the bloodiest and most painful way I can manage.

It's actually a relief when I see my mother's name and number pop up on my caller ID. "Sorry Jess, I have to take this. It's important." I walk out of the office we share and down the marbled hall, sitting on a bench outside the newsstand.

"Hello Mother."

"Edward, how are you darling? I'm just calling to see how your dinner with Tanya went. You never called me."

"I had planned to, sorry. The restaurant was excellent, so thank you for the suggestion."

"Yes, I know it is, that's why I suggested it. I want to know how you and Tanya got along. She's very lovely."

"Yes, she is. We had a very pleasant evening." Riley on the other hand didn't appear to.

"When will you be seeing her again?"

I sigh. "I'm not sure. I'm supposed to take her out this week but I don't know…"

"What do you mean? Of course you'll take her out. Bring her to the benefit at the club Sunday." It's a direct order.

I feel my blood pressure start to rise. "I don't know if she's my type."

"Of course she is. She's perfect for you. And not to mention it would be lovely to get to know Judge Prescott and his wife better."

There it is.

"You owe it to your father, Edward."

"Mother, I don't owe that man a damn thing except maybe a swift kick in the-"

"Edward Anthony Cullen! Don't you dare disrespect your father that way. He put his career and reputation on the line to help you with that mess you got yourself into. Don't you forget that."

"You won't let me forget it." I bite. "I'll call her later and let you know what we've planned. I need to get back to work, goodbye Mother, it was a pleasure as always."

I hang up the phone and resist the urge to throw it against the wall. I turn it off instead.

Back in the office, Jessica is thankfully quiet, so I can concentrate on the current case the judge is sitting on. It's another lovely domestic violence case, and I find my mood deteriorating further, submerged in crime scene photos and DNA evidence for the rest of the morning.

At lunchtime, I run down to the cafeteria to grab a sandwich and feel guilty when I turn my phone on to see Emmett's number in my missed call list. I should've called him Monday to see how it went with Rosalie, and now besides being a shitty son, I'm a shitty friend. I try him back but it goes straight to voicemail. Hopefully he's learning how to hula and not ignoring me.

Later that afternoon, just when my day couldn't get any more annoying, Tanya comes into the Judge's chambers under the pretense of dropping something unnecessary off. The sight of her makes my stomach roll, and I am less than friendly in my greeting. But being the person she is, she doesn't acknowledge my rudeness.

"I didn't think I'd see you here today." _Yeah right_. "I'm a lucky girl! We never did solidify plans for this weekend."

"No, we didn't."

"Well, I'm here now, let's see if we can coordinate our schedules."

"Tanya, I think that whatever day I choose, you'll be free. Am I right?"

She's visibly upset by this comment, and for the second time today I lose all of my manners and become an asshole.

I sigh. "Look, I'm sorry, I'm just having a really crappy day." I do feel bad, she doesn't deserve my irritation.

Her hands smooth her skirt and she lifts her chin. "No worries, Edward. We can talk about it another time." She gets up to go.

I don't fucking want to do this. I'm so fucking angry that I feel like I have to, that I let them control me. But I stop her from leaving, the words feeling dirty in my mouth. "Are you free Sunday? The club is having some sort of benefit. We could go."

She softens and chuckles. "You mean the one where all of Houston society saves an orphan for a night and pat each other on the back?"

I can't help but laugh, "That's the one."

"I'd love to. Pick me up at seven?"

I agree and she leaves, giving Jessica an excuse to question me about the benefit. Apparently her boyfriend is a 'scumbag' and the 'douchebag' never takes her anywhere. She goes on some ridiculous diatribe that she thinks I actually want to hear, barely pausing to take a breath.

I try to tune her out and get back to work, looking down at the case file in front of me. The sight of a bloody, battered wife makes me want to throw up and I can't take it anymore.

"Jessica? I'm not feeling well, would you let Judge Black know I'll finish this at home?" I throw the files in my briefcase and get up to put my suit jacket on.

"What? You're leaving? He needs those DNA notes for tomorrow!" Jess seems panicked, so I reassure her I'll have them ready for him first thing.

She's still voicing her concern behind me as I leave, hurrying through the outer offices. I'm down the steps and in my car in a matter of moments.

I know exactly where I'm going.

* * *

When I arrive at the food trucks, I park hastily next to Bella's camper and jump out. I immediately go to the BBQ truck, and my mood lifts as soon as I see her. She's got her arms crossed, hanging out the window apparently chatting up some random dude.

When she sees me, she straightens up, a smile joining the surprised look on her face.

"Which guy is Lee?" I ask her, cutting in front of the guy she was talking to.

"He's cooking, why?" She looks at me, confused.

"Lee! Excuse me, Lee?" I shout through the window at the guy flinging the spatula around like he's working at Benihana. He turns to me and I ask, "Is Bella done for the day?"

"Who's Bella?" I look over to her, and she mouths, "Beth".

I shake my head, "Beth, I meant Beth."

"Uh, I guess so?" He looks to 'Beth' who shrugs, not knowing what I want either.

"Great! Beth, would you join me please?"

She doesn't hesitate as she takes her apron off, hugs Lee and starts climbing out the window. Lee shouts after her, "Beth! What's wrong with the door?"

I go to grab her, helping her out and she yells back to him, "It's way more romantic this way!"

Getting her feet on the ground, she turns to me, still in my arms, "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be doing lawyer stuff?" She grins.

"Not today. Today, I want to spend the day, or what's left of it, with you."

She turns and grabs my hand, leading me to the camper.

"I'm all yours."

* * *

**_***grabadietcoke here, hijacking planetblue's post today while she is on vacation! I wanted to tell you guys that this story is up for Fic of the Week at The Lemonade Stand. I am super excited for her and if you are of the voting kind, head on over! _**

**_Back to your regularly scheduled author note from our girl***_**

**_Follow me on twitter: planetbluefic_**

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

**With Teeth by TalulaBlue (find it on Twilighted)**

Edward is a 27-year-old alcoholic/addict struggling with his recovery. Bella is a 23-year-old who's moved back home after college. This fic chronicles how they meet, fall in love, and struggle with the complexities of their relationship. Not nearly as maudlin as it sounds (I hope).

Rated NC-17 for graphic (and sometimes non-romantic) sex, drug and alcohol use and abuse, profane language, and brief (very brief) suicidal ideation (although NO suicide attempts). No sexual assault, no cutting.

**_I'd love to know what you're thinking, please leave me a review!_**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now." - **__**Alan Watts**_

The next time I was with her, she was toying with me.

I watch as Bella starts knitting, using the yarn pieces she has all over her camper. I'm lying naked in her bed, under the sheets and against the pillows leaning on the wall. She of course, sits on top of them completely unclothed and uncaring, which is fine with me.

"Why are you using unraveled sweaters? That's what that is, right?" I ask as she works the gray yarn with the needles.

"Well, when you've helped to gather the wool directly from the source, it makes you realize what a gift it is and pretty important not to waste. I get these sweaters from thrift shops and stuff, clean them, and reuse them."

"I guess that makes sense. What exactly are you making?"

She drops her knitting excitedly, climbing up on the bed to reach a plastic bin on a shelf above the window. I don't offer to help; I'm kind of enjoying the show her naked body is giving me. She walks over on her knees, bin in hand and places it in front of me. "Go ahead, open it!"

Before I do, I move the piece of hair that's fallen over her left breast and put it behind her shoulder. She doesn't blush; I've made it clear I enjoy looking at her. I open the bin and see what must be hundreds of little colorful bits of yarn.

They have eyes. Googly eyes.

"Uh, what are these?" I say pulling a yellow one out. Turning it around in my hand, realization dawns on me. "Oh my god, it's a finger puppet."

"Yes! That's a canary."

I'm just staring at her so she puts the yellow yarn on my finger. "See? Isn't it cute?"

"You made all of these? Why?"

"Oh I sell them or sometimes I just give them away. Kids love them."

I'm staring at the thing on my finger, orange beak and yellow wings, eyes staring at me. I shake my finger a little to make them jump.

"Is it weird?" She asks.

"Completely." I look back into the bin. "Do you have a monkey?"

She laughs and pulls out a brown puppet, tail and all, and sticks it on my left pointer finger. "Say hello to Mr. Chimp."

I take the canary off and lean back into the pillows, hand behind my head. The hand with Mr. Chimp however, slides up her bare thigh, getting close to the space between her legs.

"What are you doing?" She asks, her voice low.

"I want to have a little monkey sex." She's eyeing me as I touch her clit with the puppet, rubbing him up and down until she squeals.

"Now I won't be able to sell that one!"

"Nope, I'm keeping it." I continue to rub it over her, her squeals turning into moans.

"Oh God there's something wrong about this but it feels so good." She's put her arms behind her to support her body, her legs still tucked under her ass and she's gyrating into my finger, trying to get me to use more than just the one. I rub her slowly for a while, watching her, her eyes closed and mouth open, the ends of her hair sweeping over the bed with her movements. She goes to move one hand to herself, looking for extra friction but I scold her.

"Unh unh unh!" I sing song, "no helping."

"Edward, _you_ aren't helping, in fact you're torturing me." She looks down and watches me move the monkey over her, just the one finger. Slowly.

"I can stop…"

"NO!" Her eyes snap to mine, narrowing. "Don't you fucking dare."

"Oh my girl wants to tell me what to do, huh?" I think she realizes I called her my girl at the same time I do, her eyes widening and staring at me. "This orgasm is all mine. I'm taking it, and I'm taking it the way I want."

She moans at my words, and throws her head back in frustration. I move the monkey a little lower, just touching her opening and she shudders, "I know I shouldn't want that in me but if you don't do something soon I'm going to explode."

She's probably right about the puppet, and she looks so fucking edible, so I ditch Mr. Chimp and sit up resting my upper body on my elbow between her open knees. I bite her leg.

"Ow! That's not what I meant!"

"Hmm. Something more like this?" I dive into her body, licking where I was just teasing. Bella jerks up in surprise and one of her hands flies to the back of my head.

"Oh god, oh Edward, ooooh I like that." She's gripping my hair and moving my head where she wants me. I flick my tongue over her clit, sucking on it and she's moving but still holding my head so I have no choice but to move with her. She's all over the place and I'm so fucking turned on by her, by someone that knows exactly what they want and then takes it. I glance up at her and she's watching my tongue and lips, her eyes filled with lust. I love that she's such a voyeur, so I make sure to give her a good show. I nip at her pussy with my teeth, her scent and flavor surrounding me, making me want to devour her. She lets go of my head so I dive back in, not gently, and proceed to eat her hungrily. My entire face is on her, sucking and biting and licking and grabbing and she loses it, her thighs clamping around my head blocking out the sounds she's making, sounds that anyone outside this camper will have no problem understanding.

She finally releases me and accidentally kicks me in the ribs as she flings her legs out from under her. "They were starting to go numb." She laughs and rubs my side and I writhe around in mock pain.

"Jesus where'd you get that inhuman strength?"

"Kickboxing in Chicago."

"Of course." I lay back and smile at her, ending my charade, and she smiles back.

* * *

"So how do I know your name is really Bella?" We've switched positions; she's lying against the pillows and I'm lying on my side, resting my head in my hand staring up the bed at her. She's pulled the sheet up but only to just below her breasts, leaving them exposed, again, at my request. She in turn, has asked me to move the sheet to just under my balls, exposing my cock to her but covering my legs. It's a compromise I can live with.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Oh I don't know Beth, or is it Lisa, or Gwendolyn?"

"Bella's really my name, well, Isabella."

"Hmm, I'm not sure I should believe you." I wiggle her foot through the sheet.

"I can prove it!" She jumps out of bed and goes to her bag on the table in the kitchen area, coming back with what is probably a wallet but is shaped like a duck. "Here!" She thrusts her license out to me and I read: "Isabella Marie Higgenbotham." I read the name again. Higgenbotham. The name sounds familiar, it's such an odd name, you'd think I'd remember where I'd heard it before.

Before I can ponder on it any further, Bella reminds me that I haven't revealed my last name either. She jokes how we're both so easy, having slept together without knowing each other's full names. So I tell her and offer to show her my license, but she says she'd rather I didn't move. She's eyeing my junk, so I flex a little to make my cock jump. She giggles.

"You just giggled at my cock."

"I wasn't giggling _at_ it. I was giggling _with_ it."

"Uh, my cock doesn't giggle. And that doesn't even make sense."

"Well then what does it do?" She's looking at me with wide, innocent eyes, "It's so big and scary." She can't hold back her laughter so I decide to show her exactly what it can do.

I get up on my knees, my cock still hanging over the sheet covering my thighs and start to stroke it. She's not finding this too funny anymore, and she watches my hand while I watch her lick her lips.

"Can I touch it?" She whispers out, and before I can answer she crawls over to me, her eyes never leaving the movement of my hand. She rises up on her knees and holds my shoulders, leaning in to kiss me. Her mouth is hot but she takes her time, setting the pace of our kiss, slow and languid.

Her right hand moves down my body, brushing over my nipple and stomach, fingers playing for a moment in the hair above my erection. She places her hand lightly over mine, feeling my rhythm but not helping. She moves her hand to cup my balls, kneading the flesh and I groan in her mouth. She pulls her face away and looks into my eyes when she moves her hand back to my cock and pries my hand away, replacing it with her own. She toys with me, running her thumb over the head, fingers rubbing up and down the shaft, but not fully gripping me like I want her to. I let my dissatisfaction known by thrusting my hips, making the sensitive tip of my cock hit her stomach. She gets the hint and wraps her hand fully around me, moving slowly up and down. It feels so fucking good and I grab her by the hips, fingers digging into her flesh, holding on. Her other arm is draped lazily over my shoulder and she places her mouth on my neck, breathing in and licking the skin there.

I'm trying to fuck her hand but she starts taking it away, "Unh unh unh" my words come back to haunt me, "no helping." She whispers into my jaw before nipping at it slightly, chastising.

I try to do as she's commanded, but the feel of her hips and ass in my hands, and the angle we're kneeling in, make me just want to fuck her. But she's directing this so I do as she says and just enjoy the feeling of her wrapped around me. She angles her head up again towards me and I claim her mouth, sucking on her tongue as I run my hands up her back and into her hair, holding her head to mine and tilting it so I can get my tongue into her mouth deeper. Her hand moves faster, rubbing over the come leaking out, spreading it on me.

She takes her other hand from my shoulder and moves it to my balls, and it ends me. I tilt my head back and I think I grunt "fuck" but I'm not sure. She's still holding on to me, hand and stomach covered in my come. I buck my hips one last time in reaction to her removing her hand from my balls, and drop my head on her shoulder. I'm not sure how much longer I can remain kneeling, so I gently push her down onto her ass and collapse next to her.

After a few moments, I get up to go get something to clean up with and while I'm wiping her hand and stomach with a wet cloth, her stomach grumbles.

"Work up an appetite, did we?"

"It's hard to kneel for that long." She says, smiling up at me and batting her eyelashes.

"Oh that was the most taxing part, huh?" I start to tickle her sides and she's wrenching herself away from me, kicking the sheets and pillows across the bed. I turn my tickling hands into caresses. "Come on, let's go get something to eat, I'm starving."

* * *

Bella is sitting in the box frame of the window in my loft, the one with the moonlight instead of streetlight. We turned off all the lights after we ate dinner, preferring to move around my space in candlelight.

She's a vision, hugging her knees to her chest, clad only in a fleshy pink colored pair of loose silk shorts that dancers wear in old 1940's movies. Her hair is piled on top of her head, loose strands blowing lightly around her shoulders from the open window, the moonlight washing over her bare back makes her ethereal.

I go to sit opposite her, leaning my shirtless back against the window frame. She turns from the open window to look at me and gives me a sweet smile. "Nice boxers." She grins at my black and yellow smiley face shorts.

"I thought you would like them."

"I do." We both stare out the window for a bit, watching people and cars below.

"Can I ask you a question?" I turn to her.

"You can ask me anything."

"You've never mentioned your father. Where is he?"

"I don't have a father. I had a mother and she was more than enough." She answers quickly, definitively.

This is obviously a sore subject, so I don't comment and after a moment she continues, her voice taking on an almost robotic quality. "The man who impregnated my mother was a coward. A shit-heel and a coward. He took advantage of a young girl with stars in her eyes and when she told him she was expecting me, thinking everything would be peachy keen and like a romance novel, she found out quickly just what kind of a man he was." She pauses, then spits out, "he wanted her to get rid of me."

"Wow." I wasn't expecting such vehemence to come from this sweet girl.

Bella lays her head down on her arms, facing the window and continues in a softer voice. "My mother was from a poor family, her father worked in a manufacturing plant, as a linesman. She was a baby when her mother died, so she took care of herself for the most part because her father worked all the time and was rarely home. She said she grew up without love or affection, no one ever making her feel wanted. Until she met _him_." Bella says the word like it's burning her tongue.

"Here she is, young, beautiful and working herself through community classes by keeping two jobs when the most handsome man she'd ever seen decided he wanted her. He took her out, wined and dined her, gave her pretty things, whispered even prettier things, and she just bathed in the attention. She thought she was in love, hell, he told her that _he_ was, and she believed him. Once she told him she was expecting me, he made an appointment with a doctor he knew to 'take care of the problem'. Bella's hands raise, making air quotes.

"She refused and didn't show up for the appointment. She waited a few days with the hope that maybe he'd had time to calm down and change his mind. He'd realize that he loved her and the baby and would want to be with her. She just couldn't believe all of his words could be lies. She went to his house, but his wife answered the door. A wife she didn't know existed.

"The wife had apparently been told of his indiscretion, she threatened my mother, telling her that she could have her father fired from his job, that she could make it so my mother would never be able to show her face or become the teacher that she had dreamed of being. She demanded my mom terminate the pregnancy and leave; to never come back, to never contact them again. My mom was devastated, and couldn't bear the thought of getting rid of me. She ran from that house and went to her father, hoping for a moment that he'd care and would help. Well he wasn't too happy about what she was telling him, called her every name you can think of and kicked her out, claiming that he wanted his job more than her and some bastard sinful baby.

"My mother explained it to me, her reasoning, that deciding to leave instead of standing tall was out of panic and naiveté. The thought of bringing shame to a man she'd fought so hard to be accepted by her whole life was unthinkable, but there was no way she was getting rid of me."

I get up to get Bella some wine and she takes a healthy gulp, placing the glass down next to her. Once I've seated myself across from her again, she continues.

"The shit-heel contacted her before she left town. Told her that he was sorry, that he couldn't leave his wife as she was from a family of money and power and that they would ruin him. He had to think of his career and future and he couldn't do that without his father in law. He asked if she would please understand and forgive him, asked if she wouldn't consider becoming his mistress. She was a young woman, desperate to have a family of her own to love. She considered it for a fleeting moment and asked if he'd accept their baby, he said no, he still expected her to get rid of it. She left that afternoon on a bus and ended up in Canada."

The air hangs heavy around us, and when it's clear Bella is through with her story, I put my hand on her leg, rubbing the skin there, trying to comfort. "I'm so sorry Bella, sorry your mother had to go through all of that."

"She always said leaving there, not looking back and having me was the best thing that ever happened to her. That she would've been stuck in one place forever and that I was a sign from the gods that she was meant for a bigger life. She says I saved her."

There's no bitterness, no anger left at the end when Bella finishes. She's smiling thinking of her mother and the gift Bella's life gave her, and it makes my heart swell. The blush from the wine on her cheeks entices me and I stand from my position in the window.

"Stay right where you are for a minute, I'll be right back." She does as I say and when I return from my closet, I hold an item up to show her. "Now this is a real camera." I joke. She looks quizzically at me, and I explain. "The first time I ever saw you, you were jumping around taking pictures with your hand of the party goers at the field. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. Whenever I thought of you after that, I called you Shutterbug in my mind."

"You called me that up in the garden." Recognition crosses her face and her voice lowers. "You thought of me?"

Without saying anything I go to pull at her shorts, her body rising as she lets me pull them down her legs. I put her back into position, arms around bent knees, and pull the pins from her hair, letting it fall across her back. I whisper into her ear how stunning she is and step away.

I hold my camera up to my eye, and capture her. I'm thankful her mother made the choice she did, I couldn't imagine a world without Bella in it somewhere.

* * *

**_**grabadietcoke hijacking again...I'm kind of loving having all the power while planetblue is on vacation! Just a big giant thank you to everyone who voted! Barefoot in Texas made it to the top 5! Also thank you for whomever nominated the story! ***_**

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

**Finding My Thunder by counselor**

Coming of age 1960's. Bella keeps her mother's secrets. But she has some of her own, a love from childhood for the golden boy Edward, the one who no longer sees her. Soon they are tied by more than childhood history. It's a long dark road toward finding her thunder.

_**I'd love to know what you're thinking, please leave me a review! **_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_For Grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**All human plans [are] subject to ruthless revision by Nature, or Fate, or whatever one preferred to call the powers behind the Universe." **__**– Arthur C. Clarke, 2010: Odyssey Two **_

The next time I was with her, she made me over.

I awoke with a start, Bella draped over me, not surprised the sheets are on the floor. In my cocoon with Bella yesterday, I failed to get together what Judge Black needs for court this morning, my promise to Jessica flashing through my mind in panic.

I get up slowly, not wanting to wake her and take my phone into the bathroom. Searching for Jessica's number, I pause before I hit dial.

I have two options. I can ask Jess to meet me at work early to help me, basically putting myself at risk for any gossiping or bitching she might want to get out of her system.

Or.

Or I could shirk all responsibility and call out sick. The fact that I'm even thinking this makes me put the phone down and jump in the shower to wake myself up. Once I'm done, I place the call to Jessica who thankfully agrees to meet without much of a fight. Maybe the promise of me paying for breakfast helped.

I'm in the closet putting on my gray suit when I feel arms snake around me and start to pull my shirt from my pants. I grin, and stop her. "What are you doing you little minx?"

"Isn't it obvious? I don't like this costume." I can hear her pout. My suit never felt like a costume before, but today, with her wanting it off, it does.

"I have to go to work, don't make this harder." I smile.

She rubs her face into my back; "I can make lots of things harder." She starts reaching for the front of my pants; painfully I have to stop her. I turn around and capture her face in my hands, kissing her. She doesn't complain about me kissing her with her morning breath, and I admire that she wakes up natural and messy with crazy bed hair. It's refreshing. She pulls away. "Ok you go, I have to go to work too." She turns to leave and I watch her ass as she turns into the bathroom.

Through the open doors I ask her exactly where she's working today since the food trucks have moved on.

"There's a flea market craft fair extravaganza at the lake. I'm setting up my table for the next two or three days."

"Finger puppets?" I finish tying my tie and move to the open bathroom door, watching her wash her hands.

"Amongst other things. I have many talents." She wiggles her eyebrows at me.

"Mmm so I've noticed." I go to put my arms around her but she stops me.

"Don't start what you can't finish mister." She rises on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek. "Too smooth." She makes a face and walks out. "Can you drop me at the camper?"

I follow and watch her get dressed, questions flying through my mind. "Where will you park it? Can you park at the fair?"

"Yeah I can stay there right where I set up but every night I have to pack up and move out. Set up again the next day, blah blah."

I get fidgety, suddenly worrying about where she's going to go. I don't like the idea of her being what amounts to a vagrant. Part of me hopes she'll ask to come back here, but the cautious part of me wonders if that's such a good idea. I need to keep some distance, as much as I'm enjoying her.

I rub the back of my neck. "Where are you going to go tonight?"

"Walmart lets RV's and stuff use their parking lots all over the country. I'll just go there." She sits on the bed and starts pulling a boot on.

I'm floored. "Bella, you're not parking in a Walmart parking lot." I put my hand on her arm and she stops her actions. The tone of my voice has become harsh, and she looks from my hand to my face.

"Why not? I've done it before."

"Because I didn't know you then, and I didn't know you were doing that. I mean seriously, you want to live _in_ the parking lot?" I think I scoff that last part out.

"What do you mean by that?" She looks a little furious as she pulls her arm from my grasp and pulls the boot all the way up. Letting her leg fall heavily, she sighs and puts the other boot down, looking at me. "Edward, it's nice and all that you feel protective of me if that's what this is, but trust me. I've lived this way my whole life. It's what I know and what I do."

I realize that I've overstepped my bounds, and I have no right to pass judgment on her. "Bella, I'm sorry. Really. I don't know too much about how you've lived so I have no right to an opinion. It just doesn't seem that safe to me, and I'd hate to have something happen to you." I crouch down so I'm eye level with her. "It's more worry than anything else, I promise you."

Bella looks at me and her eyes soften. "Really Edward, I know how to take care of myself and I do appreciate that you like me enough to worry about me. But why is me parking in a lot any different than being next to the food trucks all night?"

"I do like you, more than enough." I lean in to kiss her. "I just never really thought about the fact that you live in there, on the street exposed. But now that I am, I'm worried." I decide to kick caution in the ass. "Will you stay the weekend with me? You can leave your camper in the lot where the electricians and maintenance staff park. I'll call them and set it up."

"You want me to stay the weekend with you? Are you sure about that?" She side eyes me. "I don't like invitations out of pity Edward. That doesn't fly with me, so don't insult me."

It was a spur of the moment thought, but the idea appeals to me. "Why wouldn't I want that? I'm being selfish, not pitying. I want you here with me. So I can enjoy you."

Bella looks at me, weighing her decision. She looks unsure. "You have no plans this weekend?"

"None. In fact, I want to sit at your table with you and sell funny little animals for people's fingers."

Bella laughs and puts on her other boot. "Okay, you can be my little helper." She points a ringed finger at me. "And don't be a cliché and tell me that there's nothing little about you." She gets up and palms my dick through my pants. "I already know there isn't." She smiles brightly up at me.

"How can you be so innocent and so sexy all at the same time?" I capture her mouth with my own.

"It's easy with you."

And it is.

* * *

Finishing up in court this morning, I thank Jessica again and offer to buy her lunch too since she really saved my ass. I'm thankful when she turns me down, citing other plans.

As I eat a sandwich at my desk, I leave another voicemail for Emmett, not too worried that he didn't call me back yesterday, but wanting to make sure he knows I'd like to know how it went the other night.

My thoughts travel back to Bella, wondering what she's doing and if she sold anything. I can't really wrap my head around how she lives, working here and there, and selling weird little items. I can't imagine her mother left her much money when she died, or if she did that it's lasted this long which makes me assume Bella is barely getting by. Thoughts of Bella using me flash through my head, and I feel guilty. She doesn't know my family or who we are. I told her my last name and she didn't recognize or connect me to my father, the Senator. She hasn't asked for a thing and even loudly complained last night when I paid the delivery guy.

I push those thoughts of Bella away, that girl doesn't fit with the one that's entered my life. She's said repeatedly that money means nothing to her; her lifestyle certainly backs that up. So I choose to believe her. Maybe that's stupid, I don't know.

I flip open my phone and look at the picture I took of her last night, having transferred it from my camera this morning. Her eyes are looking into the lens, innocent but so worldly. I love that she's comfortable in her skin, both literally and figuratively. She's beautiful in her natural way; she's easily the most beautiful and intriguing person I've ever met. Confidence and playfulness exude from the picture, and I get lost in it for a while.

Just as I'm about to close my phone to get back to work, I see Tanya's number flash on my screen. Shit.

Sunday. Two short days from now.

I don't answer it and let it go to voicemail. I wonder if I can cancel on her and then quickly decide that's not an option. I'm going to have to tell Bella that our weekend ends around six on Sunday. Maybe she'll have taken off on her own by then. If she's going to the craft fair then I'm sure Sunday morning would be an acceptable time for goodbye, and I won't even have to mention it. Unless she expects me to go with her Sunday?

I can't really see myself wanting to sit at a hippie fair surrounded by incense booths and psychics for a whole weekend. And there's no way Bella would expect that of me. She doesn't seem the clingy type, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about what we're doing as I do. We have the same plan. Fun while it lasts. I can't see her going all girly on me and being jealous and angry about me having to take Tanya to the benefit. She knows I took her out last week. I shake my head when I realize I've only known Bella a week, and there's no reason to make up some story.

I feel better and decide to tell her tonight or tomorrow. Nothing good ever comes out of secrets and lies; I've been on the receiving end of both.

* * *

Bella has picked out my outfit for the day. She had jokingly asked, at what she had demanded be naked breakfast, if I was going to wear a suit. I told her I owned things besides suits and yellow smiley face boxers; she raised her eyebrows in doubt and started investigating.

I am currently sporting the ripped and paint splattered jeans I wore throughout college and a Bob Marley t-shirt I'm not sure I knew I owned. She asked if I had flip-flops, and when I visibly shuddered she allowed me to put on my Converse. I skipped shaving.

Bella then went down to her camper proclaiming to have the perfect outfit to accompany mine, and returned wearing the denim cutoffs and a tank top with a huge marijuana leaf on it proclaiming "This Buds For You".

I learn the hard way that Bella is not a good driver. It's possible she would be if she didn't have a house attached to her car. I was glad to arrive at the lake in one piece, having only suffered a bruised elbow from a piece of metal jutting out from where the door handle should be. She refused my offer to drive after I hit it the fifth time.

I find myself relaxing and thinking this might not be so bad as it's actually a really beautiful day. It's hot but there's a slight breeze coming off of the lake and we're in a spot close enough to get a nice draft. The camper has an awning that pulls out over the side and door, so we'll be sitting comfortably in the shade, and I help Bella set up.

Out of the camper come bins from under the bed and from shelves close to the ceiling. She puts me in charge of the finger puppet bin and I start setting some up on this wooden display that has sticks glued to it so that the finger puppets can be impaled on them. As I'm going about my task, Bella starts decorating her area and sends me to sign in for the day at the registration area.

Returning to the camper after standing in the longest line I've ever seen, I'm blown away by the transformation. Paper lanterns swing from the awning, in bright reds and yellows, varying in size. They sway gently in the breeze while strings of tiny bells are tinkling softly. There's an old intricate Persian carpet on the ground making the stage for her table, which is draped in some of those silky colorful scarves with the sequins on them that cover her windows. The effect is surprising; she's made this little space in a park intimate and kind of magical.

She tells me to go pick some music out and after searching through her collection I put on a Moroccan CD that seems fitting, and start to look over her wares. Besides the finger puppets, there are some soft baby items like hats and socks, all hand knitted, along with some adult sized gloves and scarves.

What really catch my eye though are figurines of hands, draped in leather and satin cords, the palms cradling pendants with care. I go to see exactly what they are.

"They're actual butterfly wings." She says, joining me in front of the display.

"Did you make these? How?"

"Well, the hard part is finding butterflies, I won't kill them myself, obviously. But once I do, I take the wings, and preserve them in a very fine coating of resin, keeping each wings unique shape intact. The resin protects and allows you to see the beauty of the wing once it hardens and gets smooth."

I pick up a vibrant blue wing, the varying hues within iridescent and sparkling. It feels delicate, but she assures me that the resin makes it sturdy. "It's beautiful."

"Thank you. My Mom and I made this one together, this purple one." She holds out a larger wing to me, the violet shading having some white in it as well. "I have a bad habit when people come to look of hiding this one. I'll probably never sell it." She laughs.

"Why don't you just wear it yourself?"

She puts it back on display, "It belongs here." I get the feeling she doesn't want to lose the connection of making and selling things with her mother; it's what this necklace represents.

The park starts to fill up and I'm surprised when Steve and Derek pop up. We chat for a while and Bella explains that's how they met, at one of these shows months ago. "They find and refurbish old neglected furniture, taking it back to its original state." Bella explains to me.

"I cry like a baby when I find an old piece someone has gone all Martha Stewart on, painting it white with blue daisies. It sickens me." Derek starts ranting so Steve says goodbye and pulls him away.

"Do you meet a lot of people at these things that you keep in touch with?"

"Oh sure! I'm sure I know some of the people here today. We stay in touch through email and on Facebook."

"Do you have a laptop?" I try to remember if I saw one lying around, but come up blank.

"No, but I do have a smartphone and I'll use a computer in the library or if I'm staying somewhere. I don't feel the need to be connected 24/7 and sit in front of the Internet all day and night. Why watch other people living life when you can live it yourself?"

All morning Bella's booth is alive with activity. If it's not someone coming by to say hi it's someone buying her stuff. Her baby items are a hit, many people ooh and aah over their softness and she has to lay out new stuff every hour or so. She seems to be selling these items at ten dollars a pop, which is probably too low but she doesn't seem to care. She said it makes her happy when people enjoy what she's made.

A woman named Mindy, that Bella knows, comes by around lunchtime to relieve Bella and I for a break, an agreement that will have Bella watching her booth in an hour or so. Bella starts to walk away but I pull her back, taking the purple butterfly off the hand it's laying in and putting it back in the storage case under the table. She looks at me and leans in to kiss my shoulder, thanking me.

I grab her hand and swing it lightly, guiding her through the booths to find some food. I'm surprised by the variety of the merchandise available, many people decorating their areas much in the way Bella has. There's one table selling kids toys, with multiple bubble machines attracting lots of attention in the form of squealing children. In another area is a sizeable booth with large wood carved items like mailboxes and tables. Looming overhead is a stuffed deer head hanging from the side of that vendor's camper. Bluegrass plays from an old record player.

We weave in and out, stopping occasionally when something catches Bella's eye. I watch her peruse clothing and jewelry, her hands lingering on a green jade bracelet. "This reminds me of you. Your eyes. These stones are the exact shade." She rubs her thumb over it gently and looks at the tag, eventually putting it down. I don't want to think she's denying herself something she likes because of the price. She deserves beautiful things. I motion when she's not looking for the seller to put it away for me.

It's obvious she's comfortable in this environment. She has no trouble greeting new people, they seem drawn to her. The kindness she shows to everyone is moving.

I'm overwhelmed by the amount of people she seems to know. Men, women, old, young, gay, straight. It doesn't matter, she greets everyone by name and has some sort of fact stored in her head about all of them. She asks an old man how his ailing wife is doing and he's so moved by her sympathy he makes her take a purple silk flower he made. She places it in her hair proudly.

In another universe, she'd make a great politician's wife.

* * *

Returning from purchasing the bracelet, my excuse to leave was a desperate need for a Coke, I find her kneeling on the ground surrounded by four or five kids. She's got a finger puppet on each hand and she seems to be putting on a show. She's even doing voices. The kids are laughing at what appears to be an elephant running away in fear from a mouse. She takes her hand and runs the elephant over the shoulder of the boy next to her, who squeals and hunches his shoulders up in delight.

"Run him over me!" Another boy yells and Bella takes the elephant and runs it up his back and over his head. She does this to every child, and when the show is over, grabs the bin and tells each kid to take a finger puppet of their choice. The kids are huddled around, taking this selection process very seriously, and she notices I'm back.

"Once you've picked one out, Edward here will tell you what it's name is!" She laughs looking up at my horrified face as the kids start lining up next to me.

"Um ok." I crouch down next to the first kid, a little girl in pink overalls holding a bunny. "Let's see, this is Mr. Rabbit. And this one," I say pointing at a giraffe, "is Mr. Giraffe."

"They've all got the same name!" A kid in the back yells out. "That's stupid!" I hate that kid.

Bella chimes in, "Edward didn't tell you their first names yet." She looks at me grinning and knows she's thrown me under the bus.

I stand up and point at the finger puppets. "Okay. Betty. George. Rupert. Daisy. And Ike." I say, pointing at the last one that appears to be a penguin. The kids seem happy enough with that and leave with their families.

Bella is laughing at me so I grab her around the neck and whisper in her ear, "If you don't apologize, Mr. Chimp is going to be very angry and not want to play anymore."

I start to tickle her, still holding my arm around her neck. She's kicking and grabbing onto my arms trying to break free.

"In fact, Mr. Chimp will be so angry, that he won't let his friend," I reach into the bin pulling out the first puppet I grab, "Mr. Pickle? Play." I ask confused at what I'm looking at.

"That's not a pickle, that's an alligator. See? He has teeth." I don't see it, but I take her word for it and Mr. Alligator starts trying to bite her. She whirls away from me, flushed face and hair flying in all directions.

"If I give you a really nice apology, will you let Miss Kitty play too? Sometimes variety is nice."

I start digging into the bin frantically to find Miss Kitty.

* * *

It's late, the sun is going down and most of the crowd and vendors have packed up to go. Bella's accepted an invitation from a couple four booths down to stop by and have a drink, Jim and his wife Delia appear to be around the same age as us. They sell unusual instruments Jim makes like mandolins and pan flutes, so we're sitting in some camp chairs, drinking local bottled beer and listening to the guy strum a guitar. I'm a little tense, but no one seems to notice.

I'm half listening to Delia tell Bella about the next event they're selling at, a convention in a hotel where musicians, mostly folk and bluegrass, gather to play music for three days. She's explaining impromptu concerts in the hallways, everything from banjos to large stand up bass. Fiddlers roaming from room to room and slide guitarists setting up in a banquet spaces. Bella inquires about what other kind of vendors might be allowed to sell there and I turn my full attention to her. I don't know if I caught when and where this thing takes place, but it's the first time that I've actually considered that Bella is going to leave one day.

My reverie is broken when Jim hands Bella his guitar and I'm shocked to see that she grabs it and is about to play.

I'm even more shocked when I find the second thing that Bella can't do.

Bella can't sing. In fact, Bella is really, really bad.

Jim and Delia are singing along to her little country tune, and she's strumming and singing like she doesn't care that she sounds like someone dying. It's utterly endearing and I find myself relaxing around the instrument for the first time in a long while.

I'm smiling, watching her little feet tap and stomp when she stops and tries to hand the guitar to me. She's looking at me, knowing exactly what she's doing, trying to convey her wish with wide-open brown eyes. "I might've peeked."

I actually contemplate it before I just shake my head and look away. She doesn't push, instead handing the guitar back to Jim and starting the process of saying goodbye. She and Delia exchange email addresses, Jim gives me his card, and we're on our way. The camper's been packed, so we get in and when I ask Bella if I can drive and as she hands the keys over, I joke that I'm excited I get to live another day, lightening the mood.

We arrive back at my building, park the camper and lock up. I sling my arm around Bella's shoulders lazily, she grabs the hand that's hanging in front of her and shoves her other hand in my back pocket. I like how she feels against me, and as I kiss her head, I tell her I had a really good time.

"Yeah? You sound surprised. We're not all deadbeats and freaks." She squeezes my hand when I laugh and tell her about expecting more hippies and vegans.

Later on, while Bella's destroying my kitchen making popcorn, my phone rings and I see its Emmett. Walking over to the window, I answer and ask him how everything is going.

Emmett pauses on the other end, before letting out a big sigh, "Rosalie's pregnant."

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

**Tropic of Virgo by In a blue bathrobe**

He's a young but jaded musician writing lyrics for his band, and she's a naive, frustrated poet looking to break out of her shell; their words collide online. What happens when they meet in high school, unaware of their literary connection?

**_I would love to hear your thoughts! Please leave a review! _**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised" – Denis Waitley**_

The next time I was with her, she let me display her.

Emmett arrived at the loft about a half hour after we had hung up, surprise evident on his face when he sees Bella lying across the couch, watching some silent movie and getting popcorn all over the place.

She knew he was coming so thankfully she has clothes on, and she jumps up to say hello. Emmett raises his eyebrows at me and asks who she is.

"This is Bella." I start to say.

"Hi I'm Courtney!" Bella speaks at the same time and then grins at me in laughter. Emmett's eyebrows rise further when he looks at me.

I shake my head, amused, and answer. "Emmett meet Bella. Bella, Emmett."

"Hi! It's nice to meet you!" Bella reaches out her hand while Emmett slowly raises his in confusion.

"Well hello Bella, it's nice to meet you too." They shake, and Emmett starts speaking, his eyes still on Bella. "Edward, I'm sorry to barge in on you, if this is a bad time-"

Bella offers to get out of our way and go downstairs, but I grab her keys from the counter and start towards the door.

"No, it's ok, you're all set up over there, we'll go, I'll be back in a bit." I instinctively kiss her head and I can feel Emmett's eyebrows exceed his hairline.

He's following me out the door when he says that he's really not in the mood to go to a bar. I tell him to just follow, and when we get to the back parking lot I head for the camper.

"OK just hold the fuck up. What the fuck is going on here?" Emmett has stopped walking and is staring at the camper I'm unlocking.

"It's Bella's."

Emmett follows me into the camper, "Oh you mean Courtney up there?" He looks at me with sympathy on his face, mocking, "Edward, is she 'special'? Have you made a 'special' friend? It's very charitable of you."

I laugh, "No, she's just…different." I go to the little fridge and pull out two of the beers Jim and Delia sent home with us, and hand one to Emmett. "All right, so tell me what's going on."

Emmett looks around the space and sits on the little kitchen bench, while I lean against the counter.

"I went to Rosalie's the other night, completely prepared to let her beg and make her work at getting me back when she lays it on me. She's four months pregnant."

"Four months? You guys broke up about four months ago. Are you sure it's yours?"

"No, actually, I'm not sure. We both saw other people when we broke up I just didn't think she'd seen anyone that quick. I was pissed."

"Fuck Emmett. So what, a DNA test?"

Emmett hesitates. "You're going to call me stupid." He takes a sip of his beer and won't look at me.

"Why would I do that?"

"Cause I don't know if I care if it's mine or not."

"Emmett, if it's yours, you can't just abandon-"

"No, Edward, I mean, I don't care if it's mine or not, I want her. I want her and the baby."

I'm speechless. I knew Emmett was into Rosalie when they were dating, and was broken up after, but I didn't think it was so serious that he would want to raise someone else's kid just to be with her. "Rosalie wants you back? Is she keeping the baby? What about the other guy?"

Emmett absentmindedly picks up an abandoned finger puppet and starts playing with it. "She says the other guy was a one time thing, that she never even saw him after that one night. She said she did it cause she was upset over me." When I start to grumble, Emmett stops me, "I know man, I know. She slept with someone because she was upset about us but she isn't trying to push her guilt onto me. And I'm not going to make her pay for it forever either. She's a good girl. She's a good girl who fucked up and I'm ok with it. As for wanting me back, she says she never wanted to let me go in the first place. I asked her if she's not just using me to take care of her now that she's knocked up, and she understood why I'd ask that. She told me she always hoped she would marry me but if I refused, she would understand and let me go. I believe her."

Emmett is such a forgiving person, and I like that about him, but it makes him vulnerable too. "I would hate to see you regret it down the line. Forgive me for saying this, but can you honestly say you could look at that kid and not ever be pissed that she slept with someone else?"

"I did too though, Edward. I can't lay blame on her when I did the same thing. And the kid could still be mine. I don't want to miss out on that."

"But that's why you'd do a DNA test…"

"It's mine. I don't care about DNA and blood and chromosomes. That kid is mine because the woman carrying him is the person I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life."

I sigh, wanting to say the right things for my friend but overwhelmed with what he's telling me. "So Rosalie is ok with moving to Hawaii?"

"Well, that's the other part." Emmett shakes the finger puppet, watching its eyes move. "Rosalie doesn't want to go to Hawaii. She wants to stay here, her mother has MS, I don't think you knew that. Her father has offered me a job with his firm. When I pass the bar, I'll become partner. It's a sure thing."

I put my beer down and cross my arms in front of me. As long as I've known Emmett, he had his goal of practicing law somewhere tropical, deciding on Hawaii sophomore year. His room was full of framed prints of Hawaiian beaches, hula girls, and landscapes.

"So what are you going to do?" I finally ask.

"I'm going to stay. What else can I do? I love her."

"There's no changing Rosalie's mind about Hawaii?"

"We discussed the hell out of it for two days. I can't ask her to leave her sick mother. She hates that she's asking me to give up my dream but I've assured her that if she's here, I'm here too. And who knows, maybe one day…what the fuck is this thing?" He says, finally realizing what he's playing with.

"That's a…" I take a closer look, "it might be a polar bear?"

"It looks like a rat."

"It could be that too." I pick up my beer and finish it, throwing it in the garbage. "You ok man?"

"Yeah. I am. I'm sad about Hawaii, but I'm really fucking stoked to be a dad."

"I hope for the kid's sake it isn't yours, start the kid out with half a chance of not being a douchebag." I jump out of the way when Emmett swings his foot at me.

"At least my kid won't come out wearing a suit. Hey, that's my shirt! I thought I lost it at a kegger years ago!"

I look down at my shirt, smiling. "Too bad, it's mine now. Bella likes it."

"So who is this chick anyway? Where's the Edward Cullen I know, dating first ladies in training who refuse to give hand jobs because they just got their nails done?"

I sigh. "It's temporary. We're having fun."

Emmett raises and lowers his eyebrows. "Fun huh?" As he's saying this, he's still shaking the finger puppet and I can't help but laugh out loud thinking about Mr. Chimp.

"Yeah, she's fun. She makes me forget who I am for a while."

"Just don't get amnesia. She doesn't seem like the country club and finger sandwich type, and after what happened-"

"You don't need to remind me. And this isn't anything like that. I know there's no future here, it's not the same as with Vickie, this isn't love."

"So you're not planning on bringing Bella over to meet Mr. and Mrs. Senator?"

"No, that won't happen."

"Good, I'd hate to see that prick be right again." I raise a hand to stop him.

"Bella isn't like Vickie. She doesn't even know who my father is or how much money I have."

"In all fairness, Vickie wasn't out for money in the beginning either."

"This thing with Bella is never going to get close to that mess, don't worry." I pause, and start talking again, slowly. "You're always wondering why I date the girls I date. They come from the same kind of old money as we do. They're after one thing, my family name and status. They want to keep their bloodlines going with their own kind. They want to keep their tennis lessons and their winter trips to Aspen. I know this going in. And they know I know that's why they want me. There aren't any surprises, there's no love involved, and my father wouldn't feel the need to interfere. They're bulletproof."

"They're boring. I hate that you think that's all your worth."

"It's not that I think it's all I deserve, it's just safe."

"Safe is boring."

"Yeah well safe isn't going to kick me in the balls." I rub my hands in my hair, remembering.

"So you're gonna go and just play around with this cute Bella chick for a while until you find Mrs. Safe?"

"Bella is…Bella doesn't stay in one place for too long. She'll move on eventually, and it'll be over." I feel something grip me inside.

"Ok if you say so. She seemed pretty comfortable up there."

"Well it's better than living in here."

"She _lives_ in here? Awesome!" Emmett looks around the camper like he's at the circus. "How long is she staying with you?"

"Just the weekend. I have to take Tanya to the benefit at the club tomorrow. Are you going?"

"Hell no. Does Bella know you're taking another woman out?"

"I have to tell her tonight. I don't think it'll be an issue."

"Dude, juggling two women! And here I am, about to be an old married man. I don't remember our Freaky Friday moment happening."

* * *

After Emmett leaves, I curl up against Bella who is cuddled under my sheets. She stretches and opens her eyes, and cranes her neck, searching my face. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, it's ok. He just has some stuff going on." I don't know why I don't tell her. Talking to Emmett about her being temporary has struck a nerve tonight and I guess it's my way of remembering she won't be around forever to share the events in my life. That thought brings out feelings I'd rather not have, the most prominent one being possessiveness. I shift against her and tighten my arms around her.

"Can I help?" She asks, turning around to face me, eyes big and loving. I squeeze her body into mine, while she rests her hands on my biceps. She leans in to kiss me once, and then moves back to wait for me to say something.

"Could you walk over to the window?" My voice turns husky as I watch her eyes narrow slightly, a sly smile forming on her face.

She starts to climb out of bed and I direct her to the one we were sitting in last night, the one with the moonlight. I have the picture, but I want a memory too. "Take your clothes off."

Without a word, she does what I say; removing the little blue short set she's been wearing all night. She does it slowly, meeting my eyes the entire time.

"Back up a little, against the sill, so I can see you in the light." Again, she does what I say. "Now raise your arms and brace them against either side. You're so fucking beautiful, I want to see all of you." I'm still lying on my side, bracing myself with my elbow, watching every movement. Bella takes her arm from her side and raises it slowly, moving the hair that's fallen in front of her breast, and then raises the other. She's standing in front of me like an offering, skin glowing and alive.

I let her stand like that a moment.

"Touch yourself."

Bella lowers her chin and looks at me through hooded eyes, a half smile playing on her face. She takes her right hand and slowly lowers it, brushing the side of her hair, stopping to put a finger in her mouth for a moment, wetting it. That finger then trails down between her breasts and over to one nipple, circling and playing before moving down further. Across her stomach and over her hip, I watch her finger dip in to her curls, before sliding over to a thigh.

I growl and she quickly brings the finger back to herself, laughing silently at my torture. Her finger dips in, teasingly a few times, and then she circles her clit. I watch as her face changes, and she tilts her head back slightly, eyes closing.

"Look at me. Don't pull your pretty little eyes from me." She follows my order, eyes meeting mine and the passion in them makes my breath hitch. She's staring at me hotly, mouth closed, sexy smirk on her lips. I break away from her intense gaze and watch her hand, fingers moving around and over herself quickly. "Do you want to taste yourself?"

She doesn't say anything but the finger in her moves up to her mouth and I watch as Bella sucks at her taste. She moans in pleasure and I can't hold back anymore, stroking my cock under the sheet. "I want to fuck you."

"Then do it." Is all she says, and puts her finger back down where she wants it. I get out of bed and strip, walking to her, taking her hand away from her pussy and bringing it to my mouth. Sucking on her finger, tasting her, is enough to get me hard as a rock and I moan around the delicious flavor in my mouth.

"Turn around." Being the good little girl she is, she does as I command again. Stepping up behind her, I take her thoroughly tasted hand and put it up on the sill again, repeating the gesture with the other. My hands find her hips and slowly wander up her quivering stomach to her breasts, capturing each nipple in a hard pinch. When she flinches, I soothe her with my thumbs, and whisper, "Do you like that?"

Her head falls back onto my shoulder. "Yes."

I continue lightly pinching her nipples, alternating between cupping each breast with my palms. She's arching herself back into me, her ass and lower back rubbing against my aching cock. My hand reaches down her stomach and cups her pussy.

"So wet, so dirty for me." She pushes into my hand and her arms start slipping down the walls. "Hands back up." I command, and she slides them back up quickly.

"Do you like that anyone can see us up here? From the street?"

"Oh god I didn't notice." She says breathily. "Fuck that turns me on."

"Mmm hmm sweet Bella likes to show off, doesn't she? She likes to be watched." I start pumping a finger in and out of her, slowly, the feeling of her wet skin around me intoxicating.

"I'm going to fuck you like this, against the window. For everyone to see. They'll be so jealous." I slip my finger out of her and move to grab a pillow from the couch, placing it on the sill.

"Kneel."

Bella climbs up and moves her hands, pressing them against the glass. I haven't had to tell her to spread her legs, but she's wide open and inviting, waiting for me. I lift her silky hair from her back and place it gently over her shoulder, kissing the opposite side. I suck hungrily on her neck, knowing I'm leaving a mark. She doesn't stop me, she must know I'm marking her. I've never been a greedy lover, but tonight, I'm going to take everything she gives me.

I press my cock against her ass and she pushes her hips back in response, causing her chest to thrust out, breasts grazing the windows. I wish I were on the other side of the glass, watching her getting off so publicly. I glance down at the street and I can't tell if anyone has noticed what we're up to yet.

My hands move to her hips and I kiss my way down her back, licking and sucking the skin that's rippling and gyrating with my touch. I can't help but bite her perfect ass and she squeals and jumps. I lightly slap it, and then kiss where I punished. Sliding my mouth back up, my hands stay below, one on her hip and one moving between her open legs to cup her pussy from behind. One of her hands leaves the window and joins mine, rubbing her clit while my finger slides in and out of her. We're both working her, her hips moving and circling. She starts to come and I pull my hand away, telling her to keep going. I palm her breasts again and suck on her shoulder as she writhes and when I pinch her nipples she cries out and shudders, her orgasm hard and quick.

She turns her head for a kiss, and I attack her mouth, one hand moving to her hair, the other sliding my cock up and down the crack of her ass. When she's come down a bit, I place the head of my cock at her pussy and pull my head back to look at her. She's breathing hard but manages to say three words.

"Fuck me Edward."

I kiss her quickly, and then move my eyes down, watching my hand guide my cock inside of her. I groan when I release my hand and push in the rest of the way. Bella slaps both hands back to the window and leans forward, causing her ass to push back into me. I start moving, holding her hips and watching myself slide in and out. My cock glistening in the moonlight, covered in her.

I look up, expecting to see her eyes closed in concentration, but a thrill shoots through me as I realize she's watching the people out on the street. I slow my movements. "Is anyone watching you Bella?"

She clenches around me, excited. "Yes. There's a couple." She stops talking to let out a moan. "I think they're watching."

"What are they doing Bella?" I slowly circle my hips, watching her shut her eyes for a moment, her face beautiful as I watch her reflection in the glass.

Her eyes open, gazing down at the street again. "The man has his arm around the woman. He's whispering in her ear and she's looking up."

"Do you like that they're watching you Bella?" I push myself deep into her.

"Yes. Fuck me, yes I do. Oh you're teasing me, Edward."

"Do you want to give them a show? Do you want to make them go home and do exactly what we're doing?" I pinch her hip and pump inside of her twice, fast.

"Yes!"

I pull out of her slowly, just the tip in and out until she makes a greedy plea and I push forcefully back inside, causing her breasts to press against the windows again. I slam my cock inside her repeatedly, her tits thoroughly mashed into the windows now and her hands trying to find something to hold on to. They give up and press against the window as well, on either side of her displayed body.

My hands move from her hips to her ribs, up to her arms and down to her thighs, wanting to feel every part of her heat up from our fucking. One of her hands comes around my neck and grasps it, pulling it close to hers at the window. My cock is still thrusting in and out of her frantically, her forehead is pressed against the window and she's matching my thrusts with her moans. "Look Edward," her voice vibrating with our movements. "See? They're watching. Oh god they're watching."

"They're watching you. Seeing how beautiful you are, so jealous of you and wishing they could have you." I grunt and close my eyes on the couple, my head falling to her shoulder as I start to feel my balls tightening. "I'm coming, Bella!" I roar out, and I feel her clench her pussy and thighs at my words. I don't think I can hold it and when I feel my body about to let go, she comes around me, her shouts echoing against the panes of glass in front of her, her hand squeaking against the window as she gives up and lets it slide down. I grab her around the waist and pump hard into her, coming with an explosion of color behind my eyes. Purple butterfly wings and red and yellow lanterns swinging from awnings.

I tiredly raise my head up next to hers again, and see the couple down below has left. "Did they miss the finale?" I ask her, kissing her cheek and breathing heavily into her hair.

She collapses back against me, her hands moving to my arm around her waist to scratch the skin there. Her chest is heaving and I'm watching the reflection of her breasts in the window.

"No, they jumped in a cab and sped away, after watching me come."

"I bet they have a fabulous night."

Bella laughs, "Trust me, it won't be as good as ours."

* * *

Sunday morning, Bella decides to go get bagels while I stay in bed, sipping on the coffee she made. I failed to tell her about the benefit, not wanting to ruin the good after sex mood we were in last night. We stayed up late watching an old Hitchcock movie that made a naked Bella cling to me in fright. We were having a good time and I didn't want to jeopardize it.

We slept in, so Bella decided to blow off the craft fair for the day. I asked her how much money she would lose and she just waved her hand like it was nothing. It's her decision, so I didn't say anything else about it, but I did feel bad that she might be missing the chance to earn some possibly much needed cash.

When she returns, we end up eating at the kitchen island, the bed not feeling appropriate for what I'm about to tell her.

When I'm done explaining my evening commitment, I try to reassure her that it's not something I want to do.

"Trust me, these things are never fun, especially with my parents. It's a bunch of stuck up snobs trying to assuage their guilt by throwing money at whatever cause is popular this month. Completely boring."

"This is the same girl you were out with last week?" She says it matter-of-factly.

"Yes. I had asked her to go."

I can't tell if she's upset or if she's just playing it off really well. "What time do you have to leave?"

"I told her I'd pick her up at seven, so six thirty or so."

"So we have the rest of the afternoon?"

I'm surprised it's as simple as this. "If you want it, I wasn't sure if you'd be upset and would want to leave."

"Why should I be upset? I have no right. I have no claim on you and you have no claim on me. We've had fun."

Fuck that hurts. I can't help the next question out of my mouth. "Are you saying it's over?"

Bella looks at me and puts her half eaten bagel down on her plate. "There was no start to what we're doing Edward, we just kind of fell into something. So it can't be 'over'. We'll go our separate ways at some point and hopefully we'll carry this great moment in time with us for the rest of our lives. It'll never 'end', we'll just move on. I never say goodbye to anyone."

I don't say anything, crossing my arms over my chest where it's starting to ache.

"But if you'll let me, I'd love to spend whatever time we have left, together."

"And how much time is that Bella?" My words feel like acid in my mouth.

"I don't know exactly. But we have enough. If you don't run off and get engaged or something." She jokes, trying to make me smile.

We both sip our coffee in silence, the air heavy, the discomfort between us is new. I feel like a fool for letting any feeling slip in for this girl, and decide that she's right. If she's ok with me taking another woman out tonight, then I should be too.

"Do you have to wear a tux?" I nod in confirmation. "Can I see it?" She's tapping her toe to my foot, "I bet its powder blue."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I hook my foot around her ankle, swinging them back and forth together.

"I would! NO! One of those t-shirt tuxes would be better! Oh please, oh please wear one of those tonight?"

I get up and grab her, lifting her over my shoulder to carry her to the closet, she's laughing and pounding on my back.

I put her down and pull out the garment bag to show her my perfectly normal black tuxedo. She's disappointed I don't have a purple tie and cummerbund, and makes me promise to wear purple boxers tonight.

We spend the rest of the afternoon in the closet, Bella dressing up in my clothes and me taking them off of her.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******Major Misconduct by m7707**

Edward Cullen - hot high school hockey player. Bella Swan - shy high school student. They've admired each other from afar, so what happens when they finally meet? Will they be strong enough to handle a threat from his past? No good deed goes unpunished...

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	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**If you don't have a plan for yourself, you'll be part of someone else's." – Old American Proverb**_

The next time I was with her, she breathed life back in me.

The Cotillion room at the River Oaks Country Club is actually a very beautiful space. When it's not filled with assholes.

My contempt for these people is at an all time high tonight, their voices grating, getting under my skin with their fake admiration and backhanded compliments. These people don't usually bother me, hell I've been groomed to become one. But tonight, the masks they wear are starting to slide and melt in my disdain.

Tanya leads me around the glass atrium set off of the ballroom where the silent auction items are displayed. She's in her element, hair neatly pinned on her head, champagne colored gown youthful yet elegant. She air kisses and grips hands in greeting, pulling me along and taking every opportunity to let these people know we're together.

The arm that she's not holding with her perfectly manicured hand is gripping a double scotch, no ice. My second. She hasn't said anything, but she is definitely eyeing me when I get my glass refilled a third time. If she's picked up on my sour mood she's not saying anything. She's also ignoring my lack of interest and one-word answers.

I'm trying to pay attention to what Tanya is saying as she speaks with some plastic surgeon and his wife, but my thoughts are on Bella. She left my apartment after making sure she got a glimpse of me in my tux. Whereas Tanya just about had to wipe the drool from her chin when I picked her up, Bella called me handsome, but didn't look at me with lust in her eyes the way she did in my ripped jeans and old t-shirt. I did get a bright smile out of her when I showed her the purple boxers and rubbed my unshaved face over her cheek.

She's out meeting some friends, some male friends she knew from Corpus Christi. A Tex-Mex band travelling through Houston. I tried to keep my cool when she told me she wasn't too concerned about figuring out her final destination, waving her hand in dismissal. Fighting to keep the casualness of our situation in mind, I did not tell her to stay or come back later in the evening. Not knowing where she is going to lay her head tonight is making the back of my neck itch. The scotch is not helping.

Too soon, the cocktail segment of the benefit comes to a close and we are ushered into dinner, which means sitting with my parents. Tanya is thrilled, as her Aunt and Uncle will be joining us, as well as one of the richer oil barons in the area and his wife.

As I'm staring at the crystal stemware and china plates lined in platinum, all bearing the club's crest, I feel a hand on my shoulder and rise to meet my mother. Kissing her on the cheek, she scolds me for not shaving. I pull her chair out for her, and turn to see my father walking towards us. He moves around the table, shaking and kissing hands, ever the politician and southern gentleman. When he gets to Tanya, he greets her warmly and says he's glad to see us enjoying each other's company. Tanya puts a hand on my arm and tells him she too, is glad we've been hitting it off.

I manage to get through my five hundred dollar main course without having to make much conversation, until the oil baron leans over Tanya on my right and asks me if I'd be following in my father's footsteps.

Scotch number four seems to answer, as I tell J.R. Ewing that I'd rather follow my father's footsteps into hell. He's not sure what to make of my statement, so he laughs and soon the whole table is politely laughing, including my father, no one but me noticing the icy glare that accompanies his forced amusement.

"Edward has always been a bit of a comedian." He makes excuses to the table. "He's always pushed the boundaries with his mother and I. Good thing he figures out the right thing to do eventually." He pointedly directs that last statement at me, and continues. "Edward has plans to follow me. His mother and I have greater hopes for him though, and if he plays the game, keeping the end goal in sight, he may just be able to convince people he should govern the great state of Texas."

"Oh you want to be governor?" The oil baron's wife speaks up, impressed.

"That's what my father wants for me. I'm not sure I inherited the necessary personality skills for politics." I drain my glass. If I could lick the bottom, I would.

"Such as?" She asks.

"Manipulation, for one." I laugh brightly, pretending to be that darned rascal again, fooling most at the table.

My father stares me down, lips pressed into a thin smile, and turns smoothly to the others. "Edward has always had a bit of a 'saving puppies' mentality to him, I blame that on his nanny." The men laugh. "He'll accomplish more once he's realized the best way to help people is to get them to do what you want. To 'manipulate', as Edward calls it, a situation for their own good. Sometimes it just takes a little push. Like dangling a carrot, if you will." More laughter from our companions.

I stare at my father, not quite sure what he's implying with the carrot bit, my eyes dark with unspoken rage. I raise my glass to him. "I'm fortunate to have the opportunity to learn these skills from the very best."

Tanya picks up on the tension and leans over, discreetly whispering if I'm all right, placing her hand on my arm. I mumble a short 'fine' to her and realizing everyone is watching, sit up straighter and put my hand on top of hers, in apology. She gives me a small smile and turns to oil-wife-lady when she's addressed, hopefully taking attention away from my father's and my showdown.

"How long have you and Edward been seeing each other? You make such a stunning young couple."

I stop myself from glaring at the woman and practically laugh when Tanya leans into my side adoringly and answers. "Well we've just started dating, we had a fabulous dinner at Mon Marche last week and ended up in the cutest little martini bar afterwards. Wasn't that a great night Edward?"

"Yes, your good friend Riley really knows how to mix a drink." I feel Tanya's arm tighten and the smile on her face slips the tiniest bit.

"Yes, he does." She says to me before turning back to the others. "I think we'd both like to continue what we've started here, am I right?" Tanya looks up to me, challenging.

Her aunt, who questions her about how she might know a bartender, saves me from having to answer. While Tanya's explaining and downgrading the 'friendship', I notice her hand go up to her neck, searching for the gold shamrock but coming up with a handful of pearls. Champagne this time, matching her dress.

As I'm watching Tanya lie to her aunt, my mother chimes in, knowing exactly what she's doing. "Hopefully Tanya will be joining us at our little vacation spot later this summer, for Edward's birthday." The little vacation spot is a two hundred acre cattle ranch.

"I'm not sure Edward mentioned when his birthday was. Probably trying to keep me from doing anything crazy." Tanya says, putting her hand on my knee. "I'd love to join you of course."

They start talking about the ranch and I signal the waiter over for another drink.

"Son, don't you think you've had enough?" My father says lowly, so no one else will be alerted to our conversation.

"There are some things you can't control father, my drinking this scotch is one of them." The waiter puts my drink down and Tanya snatches it up.

"Oh thank you Edward, so thoughtful." She takes a sip and puts the glass down on the side of her plate, furthest away from me.

"Of course." I stand up, placing my napkin on the chair behind me. "Ladies, if you'll excuse me…"

"Where are you going?" Tanya asks, teeth clenched in a smile.

"I feel the need for some breathing room. The air in here has gotten quite oppressive." With that, I make my way out of the ballroom and through the atrium, exiting the glass doors to step out onto the oversized patio overlooking the golf course.

There are several people outside, some smoking, some sitting near a very controlled fire pit set up amongst some plush couches and chairs. I make my way to the sidewall, stopping at the outdoor bar to replace my hijacked scotch.

Once seated, I breathe the cool night air in, expanding my lungs and trying to lose the crushing feeling inside. I knew tonight was going to be painful, but I never imagined that most of the awkwardness would be my own doing. I can usually be counted on for being charming and agreeable.

I take a healthy mouthful of scotch, swishing it inside my mouth for a moment until I see Tanya making her way to me. I swallow the bitter liquid, fire shooting down my throat and settling in my stomach.

"May I sit with you?"

"Certainly." I get up to grab a cushion off an unoccupied chair and place it on the wall next to me.

"Thank you." Tanya sits and looks out over the golf course, seemingly not about to say anything.

"What is it you want, Tanya?"

She hesitates before speaking, her voice low and trying to not call attention. "I'm confused by your behavior tonight Edward. You asked me to come with you to this event, and I feel like I've been carrying the evening myself."

"I hate these things."

"I realize that, but you still asked me to accompany you and you've barely said a word to me all evening. And then when you do speak, you're extremely rude to your father, and it was quite noticeable."

I take another sip and swirl the liquid in the glass. Sure she's waiting for an answer but unable to come up with one. She's looking at me, waiting.

"Tanya, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"If you're in love with that bartender, why are you even bothering with me?"

Tanya startles at my question, then huffs and looks away from me. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh please. You practically sat in my lap the other night when he came around to say hello to you."

"He's an acquaintance. I've been going there for four or five weeks now. He's the bartender, I'm a customer, that's it."

"Does he know that?"

"What are you talking about?" She says indignantly.

"It was pretty obvious to me that he was a bit unhappy to see you with me. Especially to see you pawing me."

Her shoulders relax and she laughs slightly. "I wasn't pawing you."

We both fall silent, listening to the murmur of conversation around us. I finish my scotch and put my glass down, not getting another.

"This isn't going to happen between us, is it Edward?"

"I don't know."

"Is there someone else?" She asks, fingers fiddling with a bit of beading on her gown.

"No. Not really." Images of Bella dancing with a group of sweaty, possibly ridiculously good looking musicians pops into my head and I want to call her.

"Can I ask why then? We seem to get along pretty well, our families like each other. We both want the same things."

"I don't know what I want anymore Tanya. I just know that I'm starting to figure it out, and until I do, I can't promise anyone anything."

"I could wait for you." She says it meekly, and it angers me.

"Why would you do that? I'm sitting here telling you I don't know if I want you, when there's a guy at a bar right now just hoping you'll stop in so he can see you."

She sucks in a sudden breath of air and exhales. "It's not that easy. You know how I was raised Edward, what's expected of me, better than anyone. I can't date a bartender." She sighs, resigned and shakes her head, looking away.

"Well then go sleep with him and get it out of your system." I joke.

She turns to me slyly, "Who says I haven't?"

This makes me laugh out loud, but I quickly recover, continuing. "We're both fucked up Tanya."

"Yeah, I guess we are."

"I'm guessing he gave you that gold necklace you wear?"

Her fingers automatically fly to her throat, coming away disappointed again.

"Yes, for my birthday."

"He seems like a nice guy." I pause. "Have you ever thought of saying fuck it and just doing what you want?"

"Everyone's thought of doing that at some point. I just know what's right for me."

"But are you sure? How do you know you're not giving up a lifetime of happiness and love and, I don't know, spontaneity only to fall into some mold you think you should fit into? What makes you want to settle for a lifetime as a plastic wife with someone like me when you could have it all?"

"You seem to be settling. It's obvious you don't like your father or his plan for you, but you're following along."

"It's complicated."

"Why is it complicated for you but not for me? You don't think my parents have expectations for me too? You think I can just do what I want without being told I've let them down?" Tanya realizes her voice is rising and calms down.

I can see when her mask slips back into place. "I want this life Edward. I want to belong to a country club and meet the ladies for lunch. I want to stand beside a powerful man who has the world by the balls and I want to send my children to the most prestigious schools. I can't do that with a bartender."

Her speech saddens me, and I can't help but picture myself as the man she's standing next to. I think it's that moment that makes me realize I'm thrashing like a drowning man.

I look at Tanya, and I feel pity for both of us. "I hope you get what you want Tanya, I really do."

* * *

I try to salvage the evening by becoming the perfect attentive date. I stop downing the scotch, avoid my father, and twirl her about the dance floor. We end up having some fun and the benefit ends on a high note when they announce I've won the auction for the Four Seasons vacation vouchers with first class air travel.

Pulling up to the Prescott's, I help Tanya exit my car, and I turn to walk her to the front entrance. She stops me, putting her hand on my arm and thanks me for an interesting evening.

I chuckle, and she mentions the birthday get away. "I know you're indecisive at the moment Edward. But if you decide that you would like to see me again, I'd be open to it. For some reason, I enjoy your company."

"I can honestly say that I enjoy yours too. And you'll be the first to know."

With that, she kisses me on the cheek and I watch her get safely inside. I turn back towards my car and stand a moment, not getting in. Going back to my empty apartment is unappealing but I really don't have anywhere else to go. I do have to work in the morning. I know I'm just trying to talk myself out of finding Bella, and it works. I get in my car and head off towards home. I find myself checking the maintenance parking lot after I've pulled into the garage, part of me hoping and the other knowing I shouldn't.

When I see the space she occupied is empty, I tell myself that I'm not disappointed.

I lift my phone several times as I lay in sheets that smell of her, tempted to call or text, but finding myself unable to do either. She hasn't contacted me to let me know where she's set up for the night, and I remind myself that this is who she is, and she's made it this far without having someone check on her.

I'm restless and lying in this bed is not helping. Wandering around my apartment aimlessly, I realize the pattern I've worn into the floor has contained itself to an unlikely side of the loft. An area that I'm used to avoiding, I find myself hovering over the dark shape in the corner. I stand with my arms crossed for a while, until the sound of a car with the bass pumping passes outside the window. In a moment of haste, I've thrown the blanket off the guitar, the streetlight dancing over the strings that I'm sure are out of tune.

I stare at the foreign object, willing myself to cover it once again, but instead I see my own hand reaching out and tracing the graceful neck carefully. With tentative fingers, I grasp the instrument and cradle it gently, like it's the most fragile object in the world. I realize I've stopped breathing and force myself to take a step back, still holding the guitar with nimble fingers. I blow a bit of dust off, feeling sick at how I've treated my old friend.

Disgusted with myself, I put it back in its spot and cover it unceremoniously.

* * *

I immerse myself with work for the next few days, too busy to give much thought to what's going on in my life. I talk to Emmett one day at lunch and he seems to be pretty chipper, he and Rose deciding on a small wedding before the baby is born and then a big affair once he or she has arrived. I hold my tongue and go along with the conversation, keeping my thoughts of this being rushed to myself.

We make vague plans to meet for dinner, including Rose, and he asks if I'll bring Bella. I don't come out and say that I haven't seen or heard from her, I just tell him I'll check and see what she might be up to whatever night we decide upon.

It's irrational for me to be angry that she hasn't contacted me, as I haven't picked up the phone either. In my warped mind, I feel she should be the one to reach out based solely on the fact that she has a general idea of when she's leaving. She knows if she stays somewhere for weeks or months. She has a frame of reference I don't have.

On Wednesday afternoon, at 3:43, my phone chimes that I have a text. Opening the message, I see Bella standing on the courthouse steps, standing next to a police officer and holding a sign that reads 'I need a good lawyer. Know any?' The cop seems to be playing along, holding a pair of handcuffs to her wrist like he's about to arrest her. I marvel at the fact that she got him to do this, and tell Jessica that I'm going for some coffee.

Walking outside I see Bella lounging on the steps, face up to the sun, eyes closed. She looks like a sinful flower child. Hair wild, part up, part down, little white flowers throughout. Her dress is short and tie dyed, feet bare of course.

I notice a few people looking at her strangely as they enter and since I'm walking directly towards her, looking at me questioningly as well. It's one thing when I'm in her territory, another all together when she's in mine. I tamp down my fleeting thoughts of embarrassment. She doesn't fit here, but you'd never be able to convince her of that.

I block her sun and she looks up, shielding her face and smiling brightly. "Hey you!"

"Hey yourself. What are you doing here?"

"I came to rescue you from this slave ship." She gets up and immediately throws her arms around me. Forgetting in an instant that I felt strange with her in my setting, I enclose her in a tight hug and put my face to her hair.

I feel like a fish might when being plunged back into water after being in the air for the longest seconds of its life.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:  
****(there are actually two this week, Counterpoint is the EPOV to AA5, and I find it edges out AA5 slightly in my heart. I'm a sucker for EPOV)**

******Art After 5 by sleepyvalentina**

Bella Swan had life figured out until she met sixteen-year-old Edward Cullen. A few months and an intense emotional connection later, she finds herself on a journey toward self acceptance while questioning everything she'd previously accepted as true.

**Counterpoint by sleepyvalentina**

Socially isolated and intellectually brilliant, sixteen-year-old Edward Cullen has never found a person outside of his family with whom he could connect, until a chance encounter changed everything. Part of the Art After 5 universe.

**_Please share your thoughts with me, I love them so much!_**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward." – Ancient Chinese Proverb**_

The next time I was with her, she made me see.

Blowing off work was not something I wanted to get into the habit of doing, but Bella made everything else seem less important. Thankfully, Jess and I were pretty much done with what we had been working on, so she told me to go, but I had to promise to cover her another time. I made that deal quickly and found myself hurrying to get back to Bella.

She was still standing on the steps where I left her but I didn't see her camper. She told me that she lent it to some friends who wanted to go camping for a few days. So I grabbed her little suitcase and led her to the underground garage, where my car was parked.

"When did you loan it to them?" I insert my parking card and wait for the gate to lift. Under Bella's direction, we head out towards Interstate 45. I don't think to ask where we might be going.

"Monday, they'll be back tomorrow."

"Where have you been staying?" I kind of don't want to know if she holed up with that band, but I can't _not_ know.

"Oh well Monday I slept outside with the coyotes, and Tuesday I slept in the basement of your building."

I make some unflattering choking sounds and Bella pats me on the back. "I'm just kidding!" I look over to see her grinning wildly at me, "They weren't coyotes, more like hyenas."

She thinks it's terribly funny to make me turn three shades of red. "Relax Edward, I stayed in cute little bed and breakfast for two days."

That can't have been cheap. "Did the friends borrowing your house at least pay for your room since they were putting you out?"

"No, I offered my camper, I'm not going to take money from them." Bella looks at a piece of paper she takes out of her bag and directs me to another road. "Besides, I stayed at the B and B for free, the lady who owns it needed help with some painting. Derek and Steve stay there sometimes when they want to pretend they're on vacation."

Feeling a little better that Bella wasn't sleeping with wildlife of any form, or more importantly, being used as a band groupie, I relax back into my seat and drive in silence for a while, finally asking where we're headed.

"Kemah Boardwalk! Someone at the inn told me about it. Have you been?"

A nauseous feeling comes over me, and I respond. "I have."

"Do you not want to go?" Bella asks, picking up on my discomfort. "Is it not fun?"

I don't want to disappoint Bella, she's always so enthusiastic about things and her face has fallen a bit at the idea that I might want to turn around. I can do this, maybe it's time.

"No, no. We can go. And anyway, everywhere is fun with you." I put a fake smile on my face, discreetly wiping my sweaty palm on my pants. I can tell that Bella is wary, but takes my word for it and asks if I need any more direction. I shake my head and don't tell her I could drive there in my sleep.

Bella tries to distract my obvious discomfort by asking about the benefit, and I have to laugh because it definitely is not a better change of topic. I gloss over the evening, telling her it was routine and that I'd have rather been at the dentist.

Bella laughs with me and lowers her window, sticking her hand out and letting it ride the force of air, the wind making her hand dance in waves. I almost don't hear her next question, she says it so softly and the wind carries some of it away.

"Did you kiss her?" She's still occupied out the window so I can't see her eyes. I'm not surprised by the question, most women would be curious. I'm surprised it's come from Bella.

"No, I didn't."

"Why?"

I don't know how to answer. I didn't kiss her for many reasons; the most obvious in my mind being the fact that I don't want to kiss anyone but Bella. But I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. I'm not sure what's going through Bella's mind, but her question leads me to believe that it's possible she feels more for me than I assume. And I can't afford to know the answer to that.

Or it could just be Bella being Bella. Curious and wanting to know more about why people do or don't do things.

I park the car in the first spot I see and turn to her. She's facing me now, and I am unable to look into her eyes and say anything but the truth. I lift my hand and run it over the sparkly diamond things she's glued near her hairline, and lay myself at her feet.

"There's no one I want to kiss more than you."

Her answering smile tells me I said the right thing. "I'm glad."

* * *

Bella's like a kid in a candy store, wanting to play every game we come across, but begs off the rides, and I learn something else Bella can't do. Bella can't go on rides without becoming violently ill. I find this highly amusing and lose my anxiety for a moment to try to get her to go on the Ferris wheel. But she runs away from me screaming when I grab her hands and pretend to drag her to the line.

Walking down the old boards, the smell of popcorn and cotton candy mingling with the excited yells of the people on the roller coaster is something I know. But doing it with Bella is an entirely different experience than what I've had. A few years ago I wouldn't think it was possible, but it's better, with her.

Being here with her has lifted the black cloud that hangs over this place in my memory, and I find myself falling into a good mood. I like watching her; life through her eyes is a tremendous thing. To be so free and so happy is foreign to me, and I'm saddened by the fact that I've made my life so…unhappy. I can't describe it any other way than that, and the feeling hits me in the chest like a thunderbolt.

Ironic to think that this place, with all of its unhappy memories, is where I achieve some clarity.

As seagulls crow overhead, Bella shakes me from my reverie, running up to me excitedly holding the ugliest keychain I've ever seen. She's so happy with it; so proud of what she's won I can't help but smile. She grabs my arm, declaring starvation, and offers to buy dinner.

"You're not paying for dinner."

"Yes, I am. No arguments." She starts walking towards The Cadillac Bar, and I have to stop her.

"Can we go somewhere else?" I stand in place and she looks up at me, searching my face.

"This place has live music tonight!"

"I know." She must see me getting upset, and I'm embarrassed. I suggest Joe's Crab Shack. She raises her eyebrows at me in question, and all I can say is, "I just can't."

"Edward, I think it's time to tell me a bit about you." She puts her hand softly in mine, entwining our fingers. The feel of her gently squeezing is reassuring.

I sigh. "Yeah, but not here, ok? Can it wait until we get home?" I realize I just assumed Bella would be spending the night, and I'm glad to see no hesitation when she answers yes.

* * *

The seat in the windowsill near the bed has become an unlikely therapists office.

When we arrived back at my loft after a pleasant but somewhat strained dinner that Bella won the argument about paying for, she shoved me into the closet and told me to get out of my suit and into something comfortable.

I change out of my clothes slowly, knowing that I'm in for a conversation I don't really want to have. I think about blowing it off and not telling her, but part of me wonders if it won't be good for me, to get it out especially with someone who is removed from the situation and sadly, someone I may never see again.

I hear Bella call out from the living room, "Music or no music?"

"None."

"Wine?"

"Yes." I smile knowing that she's doing what she can to ease me, and finally go out to the living room.

Bella's seated on the sill, in the same position she was when she told me about her mother. The only difference is she's pulled two pillows over and the little wood table from next to the couch. On top she's placed two glasses of wine and the bottle. It's dark, light coming from the few candles I have, the moon filling in some of the dim spaces with its subtle glow.

I feel kind of silly when I sit down across from her, but she smiles and hands me my glass. Her foot taps against my knee and I reach down to hold it, not wanting her to move it away when I shift my body around to face her and settle my back against the sill.

"It's about a girl." I chuckle and take a sip of wine.

Bella doesn't say anything, just watches me over the rim of her glass.

I don't know where to start, so I start at the beginning.

"All my life, my parents have spoken about nothing else but my career. They've groomed me; they've controlled everything about my schooling. My parents are powerful and wealthy, and they know how to get what they want. They made me believe that it's what I wanted as well. I really do love law and politics, maybe just not their brand. My entire family has been in politics or some sort of political area for as far back as you can trace us. It's what I know. When farms and farmers surround you, you farm. When lawyers and politicians surround you…well it's the same thing.

"Vickie was my first serious girlfriend, you know, the one that makes you stupid." I smile sadly. "I met her sophomore year; we were in a music theory class together. I didn't notice her at first, she was shy, barely speaking a word, and you wouldn't call her beautiful at first glance. She would hide behind baggy sweatshirts, jeans, nothing really to make her stand out.

"I went to an open mike night on campus, and she was there. I didn't recognize her at first up on the stage; her demeanor was completely different. Her voice was amazing, full of soul and emotion and you'd get lost in it. She became radiant, vibrant, sexy up there. I had no idea this unassuming girl in the back row could sing like that. The next time I saw her in class I approached her to tell her how good she was, and she thanked me quietly. A few days went by and she approached me, said she had heard me play in the practice rooms. She asked me to accompany her on my guitar; the regular guy she performed with was transferring out to another school.

That weekend, we played for the first time together in her apartment, and I can't even describe the chemistry. I'd never felt anything like it before, and we got caught up in it. We slept together that first night, and I never looked back. She became everything. We did everything together, studied, ate, ran errands together, whatever. You couldn't separate us. We stayed at her place or mine, but rarely parted for a night. At the time, I thought life couldn't get any better, I was crazy in love, and she seemed to be as well.

"We started playing more and more together around campus, and we ended up auditioning for and getting a weekly gig at the restaurant you wanted to go to tonight."

I hear Bella inhale sharply, the first sound she's uttered since I sat down. I put her foot on my lap, rubbing the purple toenails absentmindedly. "It's ok," I reassure her, "you didn't know." She nods and I continue.

"Anyway, she had issues at home. Vickie's mother was a dancer. A stripper. She'd take any gig for money, bachelor parties, conventions, etcetera. She'd dance at the local strip club too. Vickie didn't get any financial support from her mother for school, and her mother claimed she didn't know who Vickie's father was. I guessed at the time, from hints Vickie gave me that her mother did drugs and that's where her money went, but I never really was around her mother to see anything for myself. Vickie swore she wouldn't end up like her, and did everything she could to keep her grades up and keep performing. She was driven and pushed us to succeed.

"We became pretty popular at the restaurant, playing to crowded rooms and headlining on the flyers they advertised with. People would come just to see us. Vickie started to gain confidence; the attention and accolades we received made her blossom. We both thought that maybe it could turn into something. I knew my parents would have a fit if they knew I was starting to think of a career other than law and politics, so I kept it from them. They had allowed the music theory class because it was 'educational' and would make me 'well rounded'. But this, this I knew they would not go for.

"I let myself get caught up in Vickie's plan, the two of us travelling, singing and playing all over the country, just being together making music. I couldn't imagine anything better than the life she painted for us."

I take my glass and sip, wetting my mouth, which has suddenly turned so dry.

"About six months into the relationship, around the time we were really hitting our groove and packing the crowds in, a friend of my father's saw us performing and mentioned to him how talented I was, not thinking anything of the compliment. My father didn't take it well. He knew I was dating her, but he didn't know what we did together, he never took an interest in any of my relationships before. He was angry, thinking I was wasting my time. The worst thing was that he started digging, eventually finding out about what Vickie's mother did for a living. He became very vocal even in front of her, about how she wasn't the caliber of girl I should be with."

I reach up and run a hand over my face, settling over my eyes, shielding them.

"Vickie came to me about a month later, and broke up with me. She claimed that she was better without me. She wouldn't be able to achieve her goals with me holding her back. I was a shitty guitar player, I would never be good enough to keep up with her and she had met someone who could. She was going to be a star." I choke up a bit, and Bella runs her hand over mine holding her foot. "She said she never loved me, just used me to help hone her skill. She took the beautiful music we made together and tore it to pieces, the paper littering my floor. She ripped my heart out, plain and simple."

I don't look at her, instead focusing out the window. I can see out of the corner of my eye, Bella swiping at her cheeks.

"I was moody, angry and depressed, after that. I refused to believe she could do that to me and searched for her. College started to suffer, enough that a concerned professor alerted my parents and I got called home. My parents confronted me, and I told them everything, about how she broke me but I still loved her. I told them I wanted to fight for her, that what we had was real and that she couldn't have meant what she said to me. There had to be an explanation.

"My father walked out of the room and came back from his study, holding out a piece of paper to me. It was a check. It was made out to Vickie and he flipped it over to show me the back. She had endorsed it. I'd recognize the poetic loop of her letters anywhere; they were all over the music we had created, it was definitely her signature.

"My father said she came to him, offering to break it off with me, and leave for good. He had never made it a secret that Vickie didn't meet his requirements for me. That she was not compatible to the plan. This was his opportunity to remove her from the equation. He wouldn't have to worry about her or her mother sullying my family's reputation. But she wanted something. Fifty thousand dollars. That's how easy it was for her to leave everything we had. And that's how easy the opportunity came to him to get rid of her.

"He tried to tell me she had a drug problem like her mother that she hid from me, I don't know if that's true, and that's why she wanted the money. He looked at me with pity that day, at what I was going through, but the truth is he wanted me mad; he wanted me to hate her. He was angry that I was so upset by her leaving that it was affecting my grades, that I was losing sight of the end plan. His goal in agreeing to her demand, and telling me about it at all, was for me to focus on the career he intended. I guess it worked."

We're silent for a minute, I can tell Bella's waiting to see if I've finished, and she asks me if I ever found her.

"When I went to her apartment, it had been cleaned out and the landlord didn't know where she had gone. I went to her mother's; it was empty. I went to the strip club; her mother hadn't been there for weeks. I had no other way of finding her, her phone was shut off, emails bounced back. We had built a nice little cocoon for ourselves, she had no one she was close to I could ask. I had to finally admit that it was true."

Bella moves to climb into my lap, and I let her. "How could someone be so cruel? All over money?" She sounds incredulous. "And she chose it over you. Stupid girl. I'm so sorry Edward, so sorry." Bella kisses my cheek and murmurs apologies and sweet words. "I'm so sorry you gave up something you love, but I'm so mad that you let them win."

I pull back from her, playing her words over in my head. Letting what she said sink in. "They won. You don't play anymore. You don't enjoy something you used to." She pauses. "Didn't Emmett get pissed _for_ you when you told him?"

I feel like I'm in a trance, talking about this has opened up some kind of cesspool inside of me. "No one knows but my parents and I. I never told Emmett. He knows my father disapproved of the relationship and was pressuring me because of her mother, but he thinks I broke up with her for other reasons. That it was my choice. He must think I'm a prick, this whole time. Thinking I let my father talk me into getting rid of her. It never occurred to me." Another realization hits me, too late. "When did she approach him? Days before she left? He knew before I did what was going to happen. He knew the whole time I was a mess after it happened and when my grades were slipping. My own father paid her, and didn't think to tell me himself what she had done until he felt he had to? Why didn't I ever see it this way?" The anger towards myself intensifies. "I'm so stupid."

"Oh Edward, you've let this fester inside of you for what, four or five years? Oh baby, no, don't. Just don't." Bella kisses my face all over, and throws her arms around my neck, squeezing me tight. Her voice is muffled. "Do you still love her?"

Bile rises in my throat and my voice rises. "No! Of course not! She fooled me. She took everything I gave her, my affection, my love, my music. And she turned it into something ugly. She took from me the one thing I had that was mine, the one thing I could always count on. My guitar." I rage. "I hope she's dead."

Bella sucks in air and pulls her face away to look at mine. "No, you don't. That's not you."

I just stare at her, venom in my eyes.

"You, Edward Cullen, could never wish someone dead. You're kind, and loving, and you're so generous with your soul." I watch the tears run down her face. "Hell, you've let me in, a stranger. You've let me into your home and your bed and I hope into your heart a little. That makes you stunning. What I see is beautiful. I just wish you could see what's inside of you. Not what you think others want to see. I want you to be happy with who you really are."

Something inside of me twists, the strain of the evening finally breaking down. I crush Bella to me with enough force to throw us back towards the window, my arms protecting her. I feel wetness on my chest, and know her tears are for me, for my loss, for my fucked up life.

"Bella? I'm going to go play the shit out of that guitar."

I feel Bella let out a laugh filled with relief. I hold her for a few more moments, kissing the side of her head, rocking us. I slowly let go and move to take Bella's hand firmly in mine. We get up together, and she lets me lead the way to the dark corner of the room, to my past.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

**Sanctuary by Jennyfly (can be found on A Different Forest)**

Edward is a priest struggling with his role in the Church and facing a crisis as a man. AH Rating: R

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	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." – Woody Allen**_

The next time I was with her, everything was fine, until it wasn't.

We stare at the blanket in the corner, me feeling pissed off, Bella looking hopeful. She doesn't push, she lets me stand there for a while, quietly gaining my strength.

Her breath hitches, almost indiscernible, when my hand reaches for the blanket and I slip it off. I laugh, feeling ridiculous with the amount of drama this one action has taken me, but at the same time a little shaky. I've contemplated playing before, countless times. Holding it the other day is the farthest I'd gotten, the last time I had touched it before then was to move it into the loft.

Like ripping off a Band-Aid, I lunge forward and grab it by its neck, hoisting it up to hold the frame in my other hand. I feel strong with Bella near, and shake my head at the absurdity of what amounts to a pile of wood and metal having such a hold over me.

I walk backwards to the aged brown leather armchair that sits off to the side of the living area. I feel more than see Bella kneel to the floor in front of me. I realize I don't have a pick, so I hesitate for just a moment before I strum.

It sounds like shit.

The fact that it sounds so bad makes me lose it. I start laughing, the tension leaving my body in waves. I look up to Bella and point out the obvious. "It's out of tune." I'm grinning at her madly and she's mirroring my face, giddy for me.

"I can sing over it if you want, you'll never know!" We continue laughing for a moment until I get up to get my tuning kit. I think it's shoved somewhere in a cabinet.

Finding what I need, I go back to the chair and pick the guitar up like I never put it down. After some serious work, it resonates perfectly.

"What do you want to hear?" I ask.

"Whatever you're in the mood for."

I think about it for a minute, songs I've written flying through my head and right back out again. I start to strum, and Bella instantly recognizes the Van Morrison song.

"Tupelo Honey!" She cries out and puts her hands together under her chin, watching.

I hit a wrong chord and glance up at her, shrugging. She just smiles warm and forgiving. I continue to play, and it's like riding a bicycle, my fingers flying over the strings like I never abandoned them. Memories and scenes from a lifetime ago wash over me, but I continue to play, for Bella, who's swaying back in forth in front of me, her eyes never closing.

I keep playing after I finish the first song, smoothly moving into another, and then another. I play for maybe an hour, Bella watching and adding her off-key singing here and there, making me smile. Our duets aren't good, by any means, but the joy I'm feeling sharing this with her is perfect.

I strum the last few notes of my last song, quietly, letting the song fade out, and when I'm done, I put the guitar down to lean against the chair. "That's enough for now."

"I'm so proud of you, Edward. And I'm so honored you shared this with me." Bella starts walking on her knees over to me, placing both hands on my thighs.

"I couldn't have done it without you." I take my hands and place them on either side of her face, and kiss her softly.

"Yes, you could've. You would've gotten there eventually. It's obvious it's a part of you." Bella leans in for another kiss, and I comply, quickly turning it from sweet to passionate. Bella breaks away and whispers into my mouth. "I want to give you something else to remember this moment as nothing but wonderful."

Bella slides her hands up my thighs, grasping the waistband of my sweats and encourages me to lift up. She pulls them down slowly, releasing my cock, which is hardening instantly. I'm looking in her eyes, and if I could trust my emotions right now, I'd say I see love in them. My head falls back and my eyes close as I feel her take me into her mouth.

* * *

I wake up to my alarm and look over to find Bella's feet beside me. She's twisted around so her head is hanging off the end of the bed, feet resting on the pillow next to me. I'm happy to see she still had her usual issues with the sheets last night; they're all piled on my side, exposing her beautiful body to me.

I watch her until she wakes, shaking the sleep away, and looks around a bit, startled to see my feet in front of her face. She quickly scans up my body and smiles at me.

"I guess I moved."

"I guess you did."

She stretches, her back arching off the bed and her arms flying over her head. Her feet point into the pillow and I grab one and bite her big toe.

"Hey! If you're hungry, make some breakfast!" She sits up, hair crazy, and smiles. "Why are you still in bed? You should be showering."

"I'm not going in."

Bella looks at me, her eyes widening, her mouth slowly opening dramatically. "You _what_?" She chuckles.

"Nice. I'm going to take some much needed time off." I sit up and tackle her onto her back, settling on top of her. I kiss her eyes shut and she sighs contently.

"What are you going to do with all of your free time?"

"I thought I'd do something else I've let slip by for a while." I kiss her nose, her cheeks.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Want to go for a bike ride?" I kiss her chin, moving up to kiss her forehead.

"Like, a Schwinn? Or a tandem bike?"

"Something like that." I lick her neck and bite her shoulder.

* * *

"YEAH BABY!" Bella's arms are high above her head, dancing and waving in the wind. I turn into a curve on the highway and she screams, clutching her arms around me in a death grip.

After I called into the office explaining I needed the next two days off for some personal business, I took Bella down to my storage unit in the basement, and showed her my Harley. She squealed in delight, much as she's doing now, and wanted to leave right away.

I pointed out that she couldn't ride in bare feet, and she ran back upstairs to put on her cowboy boots and change out of the dress she was wearing into a pair of seriously sexy low riding camouflage shorts and a tight black t-shirt, claiming she always wanted to be a biker chick.

I handed her my spare helmet, and she guessed correctly that it was Vickie's but didn't say anything else about it, and after putting a black bandanna on her head, she donned the helmet and declared she was ready to go.

We're driving around the bay, the bike feeling powerful between my legs and I imagine my issues and cares being left behind us, swirling into nothingness with the exhaust escaping the bike.

After about two hours of riding, we stop for lunch in Galveston, and I check my phone, seeing a missed call from Emmett. Bella's run ahead into the restaurant to use to the restroom so I call him back, setting my helmet and Bella's on the seat.

I'm guessing Emmett hears road noise, because he asks where I am and when I tell him, the curses fly.

"You fucking did what? _You_ took a day off? Are you shitting me?"

"Is it that hard to believe?" I lift my sunglasses to my head and wipe my eyes. Stretching my legs, I stomp my boots hard, shaking the lingering bend out of them.

"Yes, it is bro! What are you doing?"

"I'm riding."

"Who?"

"You're an idiot. I'm riding my bike." I laugh.

"Whoa. I think I need something for my head. I'm getting the vapors. Rose!" Emmett yells, "Where are the smelling salts? I feel faint."

"Very funny, Shithead." I can't help but roll my eyes. I see Bella skipping towards me with a curious smile on her face.

"What's so funny?" She asks, I don't answer, just mouth 'Emmett' and pull her in close to me, my arm wrapping around her shoulders while she presses her whole body to mine.

"Who's that?" Emmett chimes in.

"It's Bella." She smiles up to me and I kiss her forehead.

"Hey since you're together, ask her if she wants to have dinner tonight with Rose and me. That is, if you don't go all 'Easy Rider' and hightail it to Mexico."

I take the phone away from my mouth and ask her if she'd like to meet them for dinner. She nods enthusiastically and I let Emmett know.

"Cool, I want steak. I want a nice big bloody rare steak." I can hear Emmett drooling so we wrap it up after deciding on a place and time.

"You want me to meet your friends?" Bella asks nervously after we've been seated.

"Sure why not?" I answer, half distracted, looking over the menu.

When she doesn't answer, I put the menu down and ask her what the issue is. "I thought you wanted to go?"

"I do. I'd like to meet your friends, you've met some of mine."

"Yessss…?" I say, waiting for what the issue might be.

"What do they do?"

I look at her while taking a sip of my beer that just arrived. "Emmett is in law school with me, and Rose is a consultant for a web development firm. They just got engaged, Rosalie is expecting."

"Oh." Is all she says.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

I put my beer down to push the menu that she's raised in front of her face. "Bella, what's the matter?"

"Meeting your friends is a big deal."

"No it's not, trust me. You've already met Emmett, you see what a moron he is." I smile, trying to make her laugh.

"I don't have a job, or go to school."

I look at her for a minute, confused. "Bella, neither of those things bothered you before. You're perfect and they're going to like you no matter what."

"Yeah, I've never really been nervous to meet anyone before."

"So why now?"

"Because they're important to you, and you're important to me." Her face heats up with her last statement and she grabs her beer to take a healthy chug, looking around pretending to be interested in the light fixture.

Something warms inside me and I get up to move to her side of the booth, forcing her to slide over.

"Do you think you're not important to me?" I whisper, nuzzling her hair.

"I don't know. We're having fun but…"

"But what? Just say it Bella."

"For the first time in a long time, I'm not in a hurry to move on. And I don't know what you might think of that."

I know she's waiting for an answer, and my first reaction is elation. But telling her my story last night brought back a lot of heartache I wasn't sure was worth experiencing again. It reminded me that there's a reason I don't date with my heart. I feel like I'm living again for the first time in a long time when I'm with her, but she's the one that led me to believe this was safe, that she was temporary. I don't want to get hurt again once she decides it is, in fact, time to move on. Part of me, a small part, wants to hope that she won't.

"You, Bella Higgenbotham, are important to me." Is the truest but safest thing I allow myself to say.

She finally meets my gaze and chagrin paints her features. A nervous Bella is new, I'm not used to this girl being self-conscious or worrying about what others might think of her. I feel uneasy, that it's my fault, that I'm causing this. As much as she's rubbing off on me, maybe I'm doing the same thing to her.

I shake myself from my thoughts when the waitress comes to take our order, and I stay on Bella's side of the booth for the rest of the meal.

Bella seems to be back to her old self once we get back into town, meeting the friends returning the camper across town before she follows me to my building. But she stays in the camper in my lot, citing the need to rest and shower before dinner.

* * *

"Oh my god you look like Princess Leia."

"I know!" Bella is bouncing on her feet, wearing a little white sundress, hair wrapped around itself on either side of her head. I look down to see if she has shoes on and I see gold strappy sandals crawling up her calves.

"I always had a Princess Leia fantasy." I go to grab her around her waist but she backs up into the camper to grab her bag.

"The Rebel ship Leia or the Jabba the Hut Leia?" She laughs.

"Either." After finally letting me kiss her, I escort her out to my car, helping her into her seat.

Climbing into my side, she takes her time looking me up and down, her face approving of my dark jeans and black V-neck sweater. I pull up my pant leg to show her my loafers. "No socks!"

She laughs and raises her hand, rubbing the back of it over my stubble. "You are breaking all the rules today, aren't you?" I grin over to her in answer, and pull out of the lot towards the restaurant.

After fiddling with the radio, settling on some jazz, Bella asks where we're going and I tell her. "Eddie V's Prime Seafood, Emmett's pick. It's trendy but his folks know the owners so he's able to get us a table."

I look over to see Bella fidgeting with her skirt. I put my hand over hers to stop her nervous movements. "You look beautiful."

She smiles quickly at me, and turns back to watch the road. "Edward, can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

She hesitates, before finally saying. "This is kind of like a first date for me."

"You mean like a first date between us? I guess we haven't really had a date date, no…" I trail off.

"No I mean, like, my first real date. Where someone picks me up and takes me to a restaurant."

"I picked you up in my parking lot." I say, trying to make her laugh.

"Yes, I know." She smirks at me. "I've just never done this whole 'planned date go to dinner thing'. Especially not with another couple. Not formally like this. This whole dating thing is new to me."

Something is wrong with the car because the wheel swerves slightly when she says this. Fear all of a sudden washes over me, "Bella, was I your first?"

"What? No! I would've told you that!" She pauses, "but it would've been a great first time if it was."

I'm relieved, and smile at her, remembering. "It's all been pretty great." I grasp her hand and bring it to my lips, holding it there. "Don't be nervous Bella, it's you and me. I've got you, and you're going to have a great time with Emmett and Rose."

"Okay."

I pull up and the valet helps Bella get out of the car before I can get to her side. She thanks him sweetly and immediately takes my arm when I offer it. Pulling the door to the restaurant open, I usher Bella in with my hand on her back.

"Wow, this place is great." I look to see what Bella sees and she's right. The wood paneled ceiling is warm, chandeliers made of antlers and lights hanging low above the tables. The effect is homey, and I see Bella relax slightly. Once I give the hostess Emmett's name, she leads us through the dining room into a smaller room off the side, the wine room. There are bottles stacked floor to ceiling, ladders on the walls to help their servers reach the appropriate bottle. She takes us to a table in the corner, facing the wall of wine, and Emmett and Rosalie stand when they see us arrive.

"Bella, you remember Emmett, and this is his fiancée Rosalie." I say making introductions and they both greet her warmly.

"I had a Princess Leia fantasy as soon as I hit puberty." Emmett gapes at Bella, which earns him a swat in the stomach from Rosalie, who laughs with Bella and I as Emmett grumbles and rubs the spot she hit.

"Don't mind him, he's a perpetual teenager." Rosalie looks at Emmett with affection and he motions for her to sit.

I go to hold Bella's chair out for her and she smiles at me as she sits in the red high backed seat. Emmett has arranged it that he is sitting across from me, and the girls across from each other. Emmett looks over the wine list and asks our opinions, but we leave it up to him, he's actually really good with wine. He orders and makes sure to order Rosalie a Perrier.

As we settle in, putting napkins on laps and making small talk, Bella makes a small sound and reaches for her bag. She pulls out a package wrapped in yellow tissue, a white ribbon tied carefully around it.

"Rosalie, this is for you. I forgot to congratulate you both on the wedding and the baby."

Rosalie is noticeably touched, and opens the package carefully. She gasps and pulls out one of Bella's knit baby hats in a soft white with a pale green trim, and a matching pair of booties made to look like cowboy boots. "Oh these are just too cute! Where did you find them?"

"I made them." Bella says simply, not fishing for compliments.

Rosalie gushes for a moment and comments about the booties, wondering how Bella made them look like little cowboy boots. "They're just wonderful, thank you so much Bella, it was so thoughtful." Rosalie gets up from her seat across from Bella to give her a hug.

The wine comes and is poured by the sommelier, Emmett making a show of tasting it and sticking his nose into his glass, making me shake my head in laughter. His obnoxious behavior eases us all into fun banter.

Dinner is going smoothly, Bella and Rose talking about other things Bella crafts, touching on simple topics. Emmett makes sure he lets Rose know that Bella lives in a camper and that he needs one immediately. If Rosalie thinks anything badly about the way Bella lives, she doesn't let on, and my warm feelings towards the woman Emmett has chosen grow.

As we're drinking the last of our wine and contemplating dessert, I feel Emmett tap my foot under the table. I look up to him and he shifts his eyes and head towards the bar area.

My parents are here.

I freeze for a moment, wavering between getting up and saying hello to beat them to it, or staying where I am, hoping they walk away and don't see us at all.

They're standing, talking with another couple seated at the bar, and I can't tell if they're on their way in or out. My mother turns her head before I can decide what to do, and looks right at me. She whispers in my father's ear and he turns as well. I watch them excuse themselves and then they're headed our way.

"Edward, I didn't know you'd be here tonight, what a pleasant surprise." My mother says and I stand to greet her.

"Mother, you look lovely. What are you doing here?" If there's panic in my voice, no one seems to be picking up on it.

"We were dining with Lee and Rebecca, you know them, from the club." Right. As I'm about to introduce my mother, my father arrives next to her.

"Edward, I heard you took some time off today. I'm surprised to see you out if you're not well."

Of course he'd know. "I'm fine. Just taking some time to myself."

"Yes, well I expect that won't be something you feel the need to do often." He turns to look at the table, "Hello."

Emmett had already stood to greet my mother while my father was speaking. She likes him and he plays it up with a kiss to the back of her hand.

"I'd like to introduce Rosalie and Bella, these are my parents Carlisle and Esme." They both stand to shake hands, and before I can stop it, my mother has taken Rosalie's hand between both of hers and comments that she hadn't heard me mention her, and how did she know me?

I realize my parents have mistaken Rosalie for my date.

And I don't say anything.

Emmett looks from me to Bella and furrows his brow, then turns to my parents to correct them, introducing Rose as his fiancée. My mother recovers, laughing, congratulating and saying she hadn't heard the news from his parents. I look over to my father and he's staring at Bella.

I come to my senses and step over to her, noting she doesn't look as happy as she usually does.

"Dad, this is my friend Bella." She takes his hand in greeting, smiling politely when he says hello. I start to raise my hand to the small of her back, and put it on the back of the chair instead.

My mother turns and smiles, assessing her. "What an interesting hairstyle. Carlisle and I were just about to sit over by the fireplace for coffee and dessert," she turns to the table, "would you all care to join us?"

"I'm not sure what we're going to do." I say, looking at Emmett, giving him the appropriate eye glare for 'no'.

"Emmett, actually, I think I should get home, I'm really tired." Rosalie chimes in; unaware of any tension I might be having with my folks. "You two should go ahead and join your parents."

I see Emmett torn between pleasing Rosalie and saving me, and I let him off the hook. "Bella and I will join you, we'll be there in a minute." My parents say goodbye and head towards the sitting area.

"Sorry man, I didn't know what to do." Emmett says, apologizing while paying the bill.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." I'm resigned. I look over to Bella and she's looking at me sadly, I can't tell if it's pity for me having to go hang out with my parents or if it's something else. Something I might've just done to fuck things up.

* * *

"So Bella how is it that you know our Edward?" My mother asks, raising her coffee cup to her lips.

We're seated in the grouping of leather couches, in front of the large river rock fireplace. Our dessert is sitting on the low table in front of us, untouched. Bella looks to me to answer, and I hate that she doesn't feel like she can speak for herself. I feel sick, knowing that all of these new insecurities are my fault.

Her opinion of my parents can't be good after the story I told her last night, and I didn't help when I allowed them to think she was with Emmett. She doesn't deserve this, she is better than all of us and she definitely doesn't deserve me. I try to make up for my shortcomings, nodding and smiling to her to encourage her to speak.

"Well, it's kind of funny really. We kept running into each other in various places and started hanging out." She laughs, a bit nervous, but even nervous Bella can't help be anything but charming. "I guess the first time we spent any time together was at the park behind the library, we caught an outdoor showing of 'The Way We Were'." I smile at Bella, reminiscing and she seems to relax, smiling back at me.

"Oh I do like that movie." My mother says.

"What do you do, Bella?" My father asks, interrupting.

"Um, I sell things that I've made."

"Oh, like clothing? Are you a designer?" My mother asks.

"No, not really. I knit, and I make some jewelry."

Bella looks at me and I smile, adding, "Bella also has many other skills, she makes great rice balls."

"Oh you're a chef too?" My mother seems confused, and is staring at Bella.

"Actually no, rice balls are pretty much my only specialty."

We're both silently laughing with each other, remembering the food trucks while my mother is saying she doesn't know that she's ever had one.

"And your family, Bella? Are they from Texas?" The man can't just stop for one minute and I feel my blood pressure rising.

"My mother was born in Texas, near Dallas." This is news to me.

My father turns to my mother before settling on Bella again. "Oh maybe we know them. We have lots of acquaintances in Dallas. Who is your father?"

"I've never met my father, and my mother passed away a year ago." Bella answers quietly, raising her cup to her mouth.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that dear." My mother puts her hand on Bella's knee and Bella thanks her.

"Yes, that is a shame. I assume then you have her last name?" He continues, pressing.

"Higgenbotham. I'm sure you didn't know her, we travelled a lot. I doubt you crossed paths." Bella seems to be getting angry, or upset, I'm not sure. But I intend to stop it.

I see my father staring at Bella with his eyes narrowed, and my mother seems to be a little taken back as well. I don't care at the moment what their issue is, so I get up, reaching my hand down to Bella who puts her cup on the table and stands. Letting me guide her around the table, I turn to my parents. "Another fantastic evening, but Bella and I must be going."

I don't wait for them to answer, slightly pushing Bella's back to lead her out of the restaurant. As soon as we're outside waiting for the valet to come with my car, I turn to her. "I'm sorry."

She's not looking at me, she's unwrapping her hair, letting the coils unfurl into waves falling over her shoulders. "What for, Edward?" Her response is not a pardon, it's a challenge.

I don't answer, instead holding the door open for her when my car arrives. I sigh, climbing into the driver's seat and pull away from the restaurant. I put my open hand on her thigh, asking for hers.

She lets it sit there a moment, before putting her hand slowly in mine.

"I'm sorry for my parents, I'm sorry they ruined our evening. But I'm mostly sorry for my behavior, earlier, when they assumed Rose was my date."

Bella relaxes back into her seat, her head laying against the headrest, and turns to look at me. "You think I don't get it Edward, I do. Yeah it felt shitty for a moment, but I'm not going to be mad at you because you panicked for a second. They're intimidating. I just don't understand why you let them have so much power over you in the first place."

"I'm starting to wonder the same thing." I pause. Assuming she's thinking of Vickie, I continue. "It's not letting them have power necessarily." I swallow, trying to gather my thoughts. "After Vickie, it's just, I don't know, been easier to do things their way. If I date people they want me to, people I don't have feelings for, then I don't get hurt when it doesn't work out." Saying this makes me feel like shit.

"That's just one aspect. What about the music? And what about the kind of law you want to practice, Edward?" Bella releases my hand and clasps hers together on her lap.

"Environmental law isn't going to work in my favor to get into the Senate." I spit out, mad at myself.

"What? Senate?" Bella turns her head sharply, looking at me.

"My father wants me to follow him into the Senate. He'd love nothing more than for there to be two Senator Cullens in Texas."

The car is silent, until Bella speaks up, shaky. "You're father is a senator?"

"Yes. I thought I told you that."

"No, you didn't."

"Oh well, he is. I guess asshole-ness gets you far. Maybe I'm actually perfect for it." I huff out a harsh laugh.

We're both silent for the rest of the ride, lost in our own thoughts. When we pull into my garage, Bella starts walking to her camper and I reach out to grab her hand, pulling her back.

"Where are you going?"

She sighs, looking at the floor. "I think it's best if I just stay in my camper tonight, Edward. It's been a long day, a long evening."

"Bella, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry dinner was ruined, but we can salvage what's left of tonight. Come upstairs with me." I swing our arms between us. This would be the second time in one day she's chosen her camper over my loft, and I start to get an uneasy feeling.

I watch her go back and forth in her mind, finally nodding her head yes, and she lets me pull her into the elevator. Once the door has closed, I turn to her, resting my forehead on hers, and promise to work my shit out.

"Don't do it for me, or anyone Edward. Do it for you."

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******Branching Inward by LifeInTheSnow**

He's a brilliant, sensual, tactile artist with a huge personality and love for life...at least, he used to be. She's a shrewd historian, content to observe from a distance...until now. At Newcoven College in Clearwater, OH, no secret is safe. All Human.

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	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**Your life will be no better than the plans you make and the action you take. You are the architect and builder of your own life, fortune, destiny." – Alfred A. Montpert**_

The next time I was with her, she sounded far away.

I sat in my chair, strumming my guitar softly, alone.

Bella had woken up early and decided that she needed to do some mundane things, like laundry and some shopping and told me that she'd see me later. I was a little perturbed, thinking I'd be able to spend the day with her again since I was on the second day of my self-imposed sabbatical. She seemed determined to be by herself, so I didn't offer my washer and dryer, and I didn't offer to go with her. It was getting harder to keep clear that this wasn't going to turn into something more, and I had to force myself to remember that. I had to keep in mind how Bella felt about it all. Her nomadic lifestyle was what she wanted.

She had been a little distant all night, and she waved it off as the stressful evening and being tired from our day on the bike. I had a feeling there was more to it than that, but she had always been honest with me, and I had no reason to believe she'd stopped now. So I let it go.

I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself, having never really had time alone on a weekday. TV held no interest, and as much as I was enjoying my rekindled romance with my guitar, there was only so long I could play.

This left me with my thoughts, which I wasn't enjoying either.

Bella's words last night had been knocking around in my head noisily. When I told her I'd get my shit together, I wasn't really talking specifics when I said it, it was just a feeling I had that I had to take back some control over my life. I had been coasting.

When Vickie went to my father with the offer of money in exchange to leave me, all I could think about at the time was the fact that she was gone. That money was more important to her than what we had. What we wanted, together. Sure, I'd had animosity towards my father for agreeing to it, but now, now I wonder why I wasn't more furious with him for so much more. Giving it to her, knowing she was about to break my heart, of course, but most importantly, he contributed. He knew she was going to hurt me.

He let this happen to his son.

I wasn't dumb enough to think that she might not have left anyway; you can't just come up with those hateful things if you didn't feel a twinge of them in the first place, I had to assume she meant some of what she said. In the back of my mind, I'd always wondered what the true story was, how it went down between my father and her, but I had to assume it was probably exactly what he said and that the money became an opportunity. It hurt mostly because I had no clue she might feel that way. As I said, she made me stupid.

A father though, who is supposed to love his son, played a huge part in crushing me. Instead of telling me that she came to him, which probably would've made me at least start to reconsider the type of person she was and my love for her, he let her flatten me.

After all of that, what my mother refers to as my "mess", I shut down.

It was easy, for so long I chose the easy way out; my career path was chosen for me, ending a music career was chosen for me, my personal life was chosen for me. And I was starting to recognize I was a coward.

Letting an _acceptable_ life happen, instead of making a _great_ life happen.

Everything great in my life lately, had been Bella; however Bella was not an option open to me. Was she?

Bella was that odd little dream you have before you fall asleep. It feels like reality while you're drifting off, but in the morning you wake and have no recollection of it. Fleeting, unreal.

I fit into Bella's life because she'd thrown herself into mine. I don't know that I could live the way she would want to. I had friends here, I had a career here. If I risked it all and she broke me, what would I have left? I don't know that I'd come out the other side of something like that whole.

I sat around in the muck of my brain for a while, before deciding I needed to get out of the loft, I was irritating myself.

I wandered aimlessly for a bit, knowing in the back of my mind I was waiting for a girl with a loose dog or a purple camper to come careening my way. Neither of these things happened. I thought of calling Emmett, but he'd pick up on my anxiety and want to talk about it. I thought of going to a movie, but that only reminded me of dancing with Bella on the lawn, as did The Library. I needed to sort my shit out and I thought of the perfect thing.

Pulling my phone out of my old ripped jeans, I feel something in the bottom of the pocket under my phone. The bracelet. The bracelet I bought for Bella at the craft fair, the one I'd yet to give her. I must've forgotten to take it out when we got home.

I shoved it back in and dialed the one number I knew would calm the storm in my head.

"Is my best girl free for lunch?"

* * *

"I'm glad you caught me, I was just leaving town, finished with your mother's errands."

Eloise sits across from me at the wrought iron table and chair set, the red umbrella up to shield us from the hot Texas sun. She's cooling her fair skin with a fan she pulled out of the same bag that entranced me as a kid, the bag that always held everything you could ever need.

"Me too. It's been too long since I've treated you to lunch at your favorite spot." It's true. I used to make a point of bringing her here at least once a month.

"Well you're a busy man now, Edward. Grown and working, you don't have time to be catering to the likes of me."

"You took care of me my whole life, Eloise. I used to pretend you were my momma." I pause, my voice sad, regretful. "I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately."

"I know you don't like to come to the ranch. I'm sorry it's not a happy place for you. I'm just pleased you still want to spend time with your old nanny." Eloise takes a sip of her sweet tea, closing her eyes and humming appreciatively. "So much better when someone makes it for you!" She laughs.

"No one makes sweet tea like you." We both sip our tea while waiting for our lunch to be delivered.

"So what's on your mind, sweet boy? You look like someone took your favorite toy away."

I sigh, not sure I want to dump my shitload of problems on the one woman who would take them in and feel them herself. "Nothing, not really."

Eloise waits for me to continue, because she knows I will. "Did I ever want to be anything other than a lawyer or a politician growing up?"

"Well now, what's got you questioning this?"

"I've been wondering how I ended up where I am. I'm curious about what kind of kid I was, I guess." I fiddle with my straw, waiting.

"Oh you were always so serious. I remember thinkin' your insides were too old for your baby face. You never got into trouble like some other boys in the neighborhood. Not you. When they would go out and scare that stray cat in the neighborhood, you always found it and made sure it was all right. When they dumped Mr. Neely's garbage out of the cans onto his lawn, you came home to tell me, asking me to give you a broom and a trash bag." Eloise chuckles to herself, remembering.

"Did I ever want to be a fireman? Or a doctor? Anything?" I sound lost.

She's studying me, gaze gone from mirth to serious. "There was this one time you put a towel on and asked me if I'd pin it to your shirt, making a cape. You ran all over the house, givin' me a heart attack, jumpin' off the furniture. You said you were a super hero and you were gonna save me from the evil man."

I laugh sadly, vaguely remembering. "Did I save you?"

She looks like she has something she wants to say, but she's stalling. "Just tell me Eloise, please, whatever it is. Maybe it'll help."

Eloise straightens in her chair, and I get the feeling what she's about to reveal is important. "You never got the chance. Your daddy came in, took one look at you and asked you what you were doing. You told him you were gonna be a super hero when you grew up and that you were practicin'." Eloise sips her tea and continues, sadness in her voice. "He told you to not be stupid, removed the towel from your shirt, and told you not to worry about what you were going to be, he'd let you know."

Silence falls over the table as I let her story sink in. I don't remember that last part, at all.

"I never asked you to pin a towel to my shirt again, did I." It's not a question.

"No, baby. You didn't." Our lunch arrives, and it sits in front of us uneaten for a while.

"Eloise, I met someone." She waits. "I met someone who has turned my life upside down in just two weeks. I don't know what to do with everything I've ever thought was true. She's not staying here, and I can't get left again."

"Have you asked her to stay?" I shake my head quietly, confirming what the tone in her voice already knew. "Edward, son, I love you. I love you like my own. When that nasty girl stomped on your heart and took all the light out of you, I wanted to hunt her down and skin her like a boar." Eloise reaches over, asking for my hand, and I place mine in hers.

"You have to think long and hard about what happened that day you came home to us, broken and bone tired. You weren't in a state to think clearly, and I was not in a position to open your eyes. I can't stand seeing you unhappy any longer. Maybe you should look at the events of that day in a new light."

With that, Eloise pulls her hand away and starts eating her lunch. "Mmm Mmm. Never as good as when someone makes it for you!"

* * *

My head is swimming after I leave Eloise, the possibility that I wasn't aware of something that day gnawing at me. I decide to put it away for now, and let my tired brain rest.

I consider calling Bella but I'm not sure what I would say to her anyway. I haven't figured out shit.

I walk aimlessly, passing a store and I entertain the idea of buying a pack of cigarettes and a forty and sitting on a bench like a bum for the rest of the day. I don't, but I do end up walking to the park and I take a seat, overlooking the kids' playground.

They're yelling and happy, being kids, and I try to remember a time in my life when I was that happy. The stories Eloise told me of me being a serious little kid ring true. And it makes me sad. The only time I ever considered anything remotely foolish was when I thought I'd travel the country with Vickie. I wonder now if I would've really given everything up and gone with her if we stayed together, or would I have been too afraid to divert from what I thought were my life's goals. When it came down to it, would I have been brave enough to go? I didn't know.

Bella told me to figure my shit out for _me_. Not for her, not for anyone else. Emmett figured his shit out. He had a plan. Now he's changing everything he ever thought he wanted. Is it that simple? He has a good reason, his soon to be wife and child.

What is my reason? Myself? I don't even know who I am at this point.

My phone suddenly rings in my pocket, and hoping its Bella, I fish it out quickly, only to be disappointed when I see Jess's name flash on the screen.

"What's up Jess?"

"Edward, I need to call in that favor. Can you come in right now? The judge has to issue an urgent search warrant and I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend for our anniversary. We made the reservations months ago and we'll never be able to get a table again and-"

Thankful for something to do, I readily agree and make my way back to the loft.

Changing into my charcoal suit, I think about the story Eloise told me, and the reference Bella made to me wearing a costume. I have the urge to strip it all off, pin a towel to my shirt, and jump on the furniture.

* * *

Judge Black's office is somewhat chaotic. There are police Sergeants, Lieutenants, and a few lawyers all speaking intensely.

Apparently, they found a woman, beaten to death, in a city Councilman's backyard. The Councilman says he didn't do it. In my experience, they all say they didn't do it.

The State's attorney is requesting a search warrant on the grounds that the victim was an employee of the Councilman and they want to conduct a search of his offices. They've searched his home but came up empty. The Councilman's attorney is arguing that the offices have nothing to do with the crime scene and that without any further proof; the Councilman shouldn't be subjected to additional inconvenience. How they'll conduct their investigation without the search is beyond me.

After a lot of back and forth, heated debate and a pretty good shouting match, Judge Black asks to clear the room of just the lead detective, the district attorney, and me. Once everyone has left, Judge Black denies the warrant.

He says his decision is based on the fact that the police started questioning other employees on the property, despite their requesting legal representation.

I know his decision is based on the fact that he is friendly with the councilman. They play golf.

My stomach rolls and I'm glad I didn't have time for dinner. I look out the door to the hallway where everyone is waiting, watching the prosecuting attorney as she hears the decision. She looks so defeated and angry. I start to feel clammy and I must not look very good because the detective asks me if I'm all right. I nod and excuse myself to the men's room, using the wall and my hand to guide me down the hall.

I quickly latch the stall door, and close the lid. Sitting, I drop my head into my hands and try to gain control over my breathing. Images of the beaten woman in the domestic trial we were working on are flying through my head. I was fortunate there were no pictures to see this time, but a beaten woman is a beaten woman.

That case didn't involve a man of power, of means, but this one does. The fact that a friendship between two assholes takes away the chance to find out who did this to a seemingly innocent woman is disgusting and I'm ashamed to have just witnessed that go down.

I raise my head up and close my eyes, my stuttering breath leveling. I don't get up; I sit and let my mind go blank. Staring at the stall door for what feels like hours, it hits me.

I hate these people and everything they stand for. I held contempt for them before, but now, it's abhorrence. I realize that I'm playing on the wrong side. I want to be proud of what I do, like what I imagine the woman I just saw feels, trying to get justice served. She is someone to be admired. The mighty Judge Black is not.

Before my head clears fully, I storm out of the bathroom and head back down the hall. Without a word, I gather my things, leaving all of the papers I would normally take home on the table, and walk out.

There is no siren, there is no flashing red light, there is nothing that signals my leaving as a violation. It's just my footsteps falling quickly on the cold marble floor, exiting.

As soon as I get to my car, I pull my phone out and call Bella. She doesn't answer. I don't leave a message.

I'm still in kind of a haze, so I take a few deep breaths. It'll probably hit me later what I've just done, and I'm going to have some serious explaining to do come Monday. I laugh to myself a bit crazy, and that's when comprehension washes over me like a wave on a beach. I don't want there to be a Monday. Not here.

I don't know what to do with my new revelation and myself, so I just pull out of the lot and head for home.

I try Bella again after I've changed into Emmett's hijacked Bob Marley shirt, but she's still not picking up. We didn't make plans for tonight; I just sort of assumed we'd hang out. I try to recall what she said when she left this morning, and all I can come up with is a 'see you later'.

I forgot to check the lot for her camper when I got home, so I quickly run to the elevator, and depress the lever to take me down. As I'm descending, I look down and laugh when I see I forgot to put shoes on. Once I wrangle the gate open, I walk around the side of the garage to the outside lot and I'm not surprised when I see her spot, empty.

It's not late, barely eight o'clock, but she's not doing laundry and buying groceries at this hour.

I go back up to the loft, and pick up my guitar. Musing to myself that this is how I started my day, confused and playing my instrument alone. I strum, thinking maybe I'm finally starting to figure my shit out. I start playing a little Marley, and let my mind go.

* * *

I ignore the calls from my father for most of Saturday, well, the one call. I'm glad to see he's not so far up the Judge's ass that he's only tried to reach me once.

I manage to not think too much about what I did last night, or what it means in the long run. Jess called, I didn't answer. I assume it was to find out why I walked out, but maybe I'm completely out in left field, maybe no one noticed. Maybe they assumed I became ill. Maybe I wasn't needed anymore and everyone just finished up and went home. Maybe Jess called just to see how it went.

But _I _know what I did, and to me, it was significant. I decide to stop thinking about what to do, who to tell, and the proper way to let everyone down. With a letter? An email? Carrier pigeon? Fuck it.

I pick up the phone to order in some pizza for dinner, and just as I'm about to dial, the phone rings in my hand. Bella. I think for one second about letting it go to voicemail but decide I've been childish enough avoiding calls for one day.

"Helloooo Bella." I answer, silly low voice and all, making myself smile.

"Hey Edward. How are you?" She sounds far away, or like her mouth isn't on the phone.

"I'm fine, how are you?" This is starting to feel stiff.

"Fine. Um, are you busy right now?"

Relief. "No, I was just going to order pizza, want some?"

"Can I come over there?"

"Of course." I pause. "Bella are you ok? Is something wrong?"

"Fine." Fine again. "I'll be there soon, ok?" And with that, she hangs up. And I feel the absence starting.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

**********Not Meant To Be by SweetDulcinea**

Bella meets a married man named Edward, and what she anticipates to be a one time fling turns into an affair that stirs feelings she is blindsided by. The battle between heart & mind leaves them both struggling to do the right thing. AH

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	16. Chapter 16

**A very Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates it, and a very happy everything else to those that don't! :)**

**Chapter 16**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." – Will Rogers**_

The last time I'm with her, she's dancing with her boots off.

I nervously slide open the door when Bella knocks, and before I can say hello, she's on me. Jumping up, wrapping her legs around me, and kissing the ever loving shit out of me.

I don't complain, putting a hand under her ass to support her. She's pulling my hair so hard, it hurts. Her tongue is invading my mouth and she's wriggling like a snake. I don't even close the loft door all the way; one hand and no leverage make it a difficult thing to do.

Giving up on the door, I put my other hand back under her ass and stumble with her a little farther into the room. Bella slides one hand down my neck and grips me hard, the rings on her hand poking my skin. My mouth can't keep up with her frenzy, and the kissing is erratic, but she doesn't slow down. The force of her lips on mine makes me stagger backwards into the island, the concrete corner jabbing me in the back. My hand leaves her ass and slides up under her tank top and oh god, she's braless. Her legs are squeezing my waist, the motion making her hips thrust against mine forcefully. I'm completely rock hard and I push back into her, making her moan into my mouth.

I pull my head back to look at her, but her eyes are closed. She attacks my mouth again, the jerking of her legs and hips make me lose my balance and I slide down the side of the island, still holding her against me.

Us falling hasn't made her let up, and she moves her legs to straddle me, her hips still pulsing, her mouth moving across my cheek and to my neck. My head starts to spin and I tuck my hands into her hair, grasping the back of her head to pull her away to kiss her mouth. I look at her quickly before I do, and her eyes are still closed.

"Bella, look at me."

She shakes her head and puts her lips back to mine, hungrily. Sliding her hand to my crotch, she releases two buttons on my fly and I put my hands on hers, stopping her.

Something isn't right, I love the forcefulness she's displaying, but her not looking at me feels off.

"Bella, Bella slow down."

Before I know what's happened, she's off me and across the room, her back turned, looking out the window. I can see her shoulders moving up and down, trying to catch her breath.

"What the fuck?" I sit dazed for a minute, trying to control my own breathing, and slowly get up off the floor. I move over to her, and put my hand on her shoulder, trying to gently turn her around. She won't budge. I put both hands on her shoulders and spin her around. She still isn't looking at me.

"Bella, what's the matter? What's wrong?" I kiss her forehead, and I feel her relax into me. I wrap both arms around her shoulders and neck, leaning my cheek on top of her head.

"I'm sorry."

I laugh, "Don't be sorry, fuck, that was great. I was just worried. You wouldn't look at me."

Slowly, Bella raises her head and I pull back a little to look at her face. She isn't crying, but it's obvious that she has at some point today. Her eyes are bloodshot and a little puffy, and she isn't wearing any of her sparkly stuff she loves so much.

I lean down to kiss her softly, and she rubs her hands up and down my back, under my shirt.

"Come on, let's sit down." I lead her to the couch but she diverts and goes over to the bed.

"Can we sit here? I like it better."

"Whatever you want." I notice I still have my pants unbuttoned, but when I go to fix them, she stops me.

"Don't. I like seeing a bit of your skin when I shouldn't." I do as she says and sit on the bed next to her, the air surrounding us heavy.

Trying to shake the unease I feel, I joke. "Not that I'm complaining about you having your way with me, but what was that all about?" I run my hand down her shiny hair, straight today, and wait.

She opens her mouth once or twice, trying to start, and finally says what she needs to.

"I'm leaving."

The entire room has just been vaporized into a black hole and I feel all of the air rushing out of the space and out of my lungs.

"I'm sorry?" I manage to choke out.

"I'm leaving. That's what I'm here to tell you. It's time for me to go."

I stutter, "Time? When are you leaving? Where are you going?"

"Remember that music show that Jim and Delia were talking about? The one in the hotel with the musicians and-"

"I remember." I remember I knew in my gut as soon as I heard Bella ask about it that it was going to be…it.

"Well, they managed to get me a spot, a booth. It'll be one of the biggest places I've sold at."

"Where?" My hand moves from her hair and settles on the bed between us. I finger the soft sheets and watch as the fabric folds and refolds.

"Kentucky."

"When?" I feel my heart hammer in anticipation.

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." I repeat.

"Yes, probably late afternoon. Jim has an instrument to finish for someone before we can go, we're caravanning."

"I thought you said we had 'enough' time the other day, Bella." I say, my voice getting tense.

"Well, this came up and-"

"And it's time to go. I get it." I sit for a minute, realizing that this is it, I have to face what I'd been telling myself was ok, like this news isn't making my heart beat out of my chest.

I get up off the bed and walk to my phone, which is sitting on the island. "Are you hungry? Pepperoni ok?" I say with my back turned to her, so she can't see the sting I'm sure her words put on my face.

I hear Bella choke. "Pepperoni's fine."

I place the order and turn to the wine rack, taking my time choosing what goes best with bread, greasy melted cheese and pain. I start humming, trying to appear blasé when I hear the sheets rustle on the bed, and in a flash I feel Bella's arms snake around my waist.

She doesn't say anything, just presses her cheek against me, and we start to sway a little.

My throat is a traitor, letting my voice come out raspy, fighting with the calmness I've tried to portray. "If you knew you were leaving, why did you want to be alone today?"

She squeezes me, and speaks directly. "I didn't know, not for sure. I needed to think a while. About you."

"What about me?" I pull a bottle from the rack and put it on the counter, but I don't reach for the opener. Bella would have to move and I like feeling her hold onto me.

"This isn't easy, Edward. I want you to know that."

"Good." I say it with a bit more venom than I care for. Sighing, I turn in her arms and put mine on her shoulders, letting them hang loosely behind her. "I'm sorry. It's just…sudden."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. You're not doing anything wrong, you're just doing what you do, I guess." I look down at her and she smiles sadly at me. "This isn't easy for me either."

"I was starting to think it was." She gets up on her toes and kisses me. I let her. It's easier than talking.

We stay that way, kissing on and off, hugging until the pizza arrives.

* * *

The pizza sits half eaten in front of us on the bed, the wine, however, is completely gone.

We dodge the topic for a while, instead talking about the song playing on the stereo, the noise we heard outside, the magnets on the fridge and where I might've gotten each one. Until we can't avoid it anymore.

"So tomorrow, huh?" Brilliance, my old friend, has returned.

Bella nods her head and puts her uneaten crust down on her plate. "Edward, I want you to know that I've never felt so, attached, before to a place. It's because of you."

"Isn't that a good thing?" I scoff.

"Yes and no. I'm uncomfortable staying in Texas for too long." She doesn't elaborate on that, but continues. "I never expected to meet you, Edward. You've become really important to me, I care for you deeply. That's the problem."

"I don't see the issue." I spit out.

Bella huffs. "I don't get too close to people Edward, it's hard to leave if all you're going to do is long for the people you've left behind."

"So stop leaving." My voice is getting bitter, angry. Thoughts of Vicki flitting through my mind unfairly.

Bella cocks her head to the side, "I don't know why you're so angry at me, I've never been anything but honest about how I live." Bella snaps, adding, "Besides, you do realize you haven't _asked_ me to stay, right?"

No, I guess I didn't. I didn't ask because I don't think I can. I can't start something with her when I don't even know what I'm doing with myself. I understand I'm being hypocritical, but I don't seem to care.

"Would you?" I ask anyway.

Bella hesitates before answering, softly. "Probably not." I grunt something, and Bella slides the pizza box to the floor, turning to me. She takes my empty wine glass and puts it on the end table, next to hers.

"I'm never going to be a Tanya, Edward. I'm never going to have lunch at this club your people belong to, I'm never going to wear pearls willingly. Hell, I don't wear shoes half the time." This makes me laugh. A little. I'm still kind of pouting.

"I don't want to be that person. And I don't think at this point, that you're ready to try something with someone like me." She grins up at me, squeezing my hands.

"I quit my internship."

Bella's eyes widen, "You did?"

I tell her the story, about the sickening display I witnessed, the complete misuse of power, and tell her for the first time that I hate 'my people'.

"Well, that's quite a statement. What are you going to do with that revelation?"

I laugh incredulously. "I don't fucking know!" I feel crazy, and continue to laugh. Bella laughs a little nervously, less psycho than I think I sound. Calming down, I look at her. "There was a time when I wanted to be a super hero. My nanny would pin towels on me like a cape and I'd try to fly around the room."

Bella smiles at my memory. I tell her how my father ended it, and she sucks in her breath, shocked. "I don't want to be like my father, Bella. I don't want to be a senator or hold any position of power that will creep up inside me like a cancer, turning me into someone I don't know. I can't think of anything that I'd like less than having to work side by side with that man and all of the other fuckers that think it's ok to stomp on everyone else. I would hate myself."

"That's a good thing then, that you know you feel that way now."

"That's just one thing in my fucked up head Bella." When she looks at me, confused, I battle with myself, wary to lay myself vulnerable in front of her. Her brown eyes are looking at me with so much compassion, I can't help but tell her things I probably shouldn't. "I am incredibly attached to you, Shutterbug." I touch her face gently.

"You've invaded my life and made it explode in such a short time. You made me realize that I just wasn't happy, like at all. My personal life is a joke. Dating people that do nothing for me. Do you know what if feels like to wake up from a coma? I imagine it's much like what I'm feeling."

I take two fingers and draw them down her cheek, over her lips. "You. You did something to me. You woke me up. I want to feel all of these things, all of these feelings that have come to the surface since I've met you. It's just that I've pushed everything so far down that at this point, I don't know if I can give someone what they need. I don't want you to stay and give up everything your life means to you and let you down, like I'm about to let down my parents. Do you know how much pressure it is to try to live up to someone's expectations?"

"So don't try. If your family cared for you at all, they'd want you to be happy. No matter what you want to do." Bella takes my hand from her cheek, and it I just let it lie limply inside her fingers. "Just be happy, Edward, whatever that is to you."

Contemplating her words, trying to make sense of everything my mind is throwing at me; I turn my head to look at her. "You said I haven't asked you to stay. Well you haven't asked me to go. What if that's what would make me happy?"

Bella stays silent, looking at me. I wait and wait, staring into her eyes, challenging. She doesn't say anything, so I get up off the bed and start pacing in front of her. Finally, she clears her throat. "You can't run away from sorting your life out, Edward. Your issues will never go away. You need to stay here and face your family, find out who you are."

Even though I know what she's saying is right, self-anger and the truth behind Bella's words make me lash out, my voice rising. "You seem to do an awful lot of running yourself Bella. Tell me, what are you running from? Hmm? What's with this weird wandering lifestyle of yours anyway? What is stopping you from staying in one place?"

Bella looks at me, hurt. "Nothing is stopping me. It's just what I do."

"Yeah? Well it sucks, maybe you should grow up." I sneer and kick the pizza box and it slides over to the wall.

Bella jumps up to her knees, fuming at me from the bed. "I've never asked _you_ to change. I told you to figure shit out for yourself, which is what you should do! Don't put your fucked up situation on me. I'm not going to let you take the lifestyle I love and use me up only to have you figure out you don't want it. I was ok until I met you. I was happy! I like my life! I like meeting new people and doing different things! I'm sorry if I don't fit in to what you think life is supposed to be! You're not fucking happy in your little cookie cutter existence, so why is it so strange that someone can be happy NOTliving that way!" Bella rages at me.

"You were ok until you met me? What the fuck does that mean?" I'm completely livid now, irrationally fighting a lost cause but unable to stop.

"You think I haven't been affected by you? You say I've made your life explode; well you've done the same to mine! I'm completely overwhelmed by you. I've never stayed this long in one place. I've never felt a connection to someone like this. I feel like I'm flying when I'm with you, and it's going to suck dealing with something I've never had to do, leaving something so wonderful behind."

"Doesn't seem to matter, so just run away Bella." I yell waving my hand dismissively towards her.

Shouting, Bella bites back at me. "I don't fit in here, Edward, I don't and you know I don't and you just know your father would never let me! Hell, he's probably waiting in his office, hand on his checkbook expecting me to come ask for some fucking money right now!" Bella loudly gasps, and throws her hand over her mouth.

The room is deadly silent, my antique clock ticking in the corner the only sound. "You're right." I say eventually, calmly. "About everything." I sit down heavily on the couch, my elbows on my knees and my hands tugging at my hair. "I don't want to change who you are Bella, you're perfect. I love that you don't give a shit and do what you want. Hell I'm envious." I pause. "I hate my father, Bella. I hate him. He knew I was happy, he knew and he allowed what happened. He didn't stop it. He ruined it. He _would_ do the same to you."

Bella sighs and comes over in front of me, much like she did the night I played for her. Her hands land on my thighs and she lowers herself to her knees.

"I'm sorry for getting angry. I shouldn't have said what I said."

"It was the truth." I laugh bitterly.

Bella raises her hand and pushes back some of the hair that I've practically pulled out, and cups my cheek. "We are good together, you and I. We just don't fit right now. You need to find out who Edward Cullen is. I see a beautiful and good spirit in you; you need to become what you want to be. Whatever it is. If you decide to stay here and practice law or whatever, do it on your terms. Not your father's or anyone else's. Because in the end, the only one you can rely on for happiness is yourself." Bella brings her hand back to my knee. "The person to share happiness with comes once you've found it alone."

"For a hippie, you're awfully smart." I chuckle, rubbing my hands over hers on my knee.

"Yeah, well, I've picked up some stuff over the years."

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too. You have no idea."

"Maybe someday…"

"I told you, I never say goodbye." Bella gets up and crawls into my lap, her head lying on my shoulder. I swallow three words back that feel right, but are wrong right now.

"Why are you in Texas, Bella? If you don't like it here?" I ask, rubbing my hand over her bare leg, from her ankle to the bottom of her skirt.

"I had some unfinished business with my mother's will."

"Does being in Texas remind you of her or something?"

"It reminds me of her pain."

"How long have you been here?"

"Thankfully long enough to meet you." Bella starts kissing my jaw sweetly, poking her little tongue out to brush my whiskers. Her hands start moving languidly against my chest, her kissing transitioning to sucking on my neck.

"Do you think this is a good idea?" I ask her, reluctantly. "You're leaving tomorrow."

"That's why this is an excellent idea." She continues to pull at my skin, soothing it with her tongue after she bites a little. I feel my cock start to grow underneath her and by the way she's moving her leg, I know she can feel it. I still have the two buttons on my jeans undone, and as Bella moves to release the others, she watches the fabric swell under her hand. "That's so hot." She licks my neck again, while opening the next button and the next, moving down the line until she's released them all. "No boxers?" She asks surprised.

"No, the new Edward Cullen goes commando." Before she can release my aching cock, I press my mouth to her smiling lips, "I actually went outside without shoes on yesterday."

"Say it isn't so!" She dramatically gasps, clutching her hand to her chest.

I let my smile go, seriousness overriding the levity. "I'm overwhelmed by you too, Bella." I punctuate my statement with a searing kiss, leaning forward and pushing Bella backwards onto the coffee table. I'm hovering over her, trying to inhale everything about her. I want to take her breath, her scent, her tears, and her anger and mash them up with mine. I want everything about her to invade every part of me, so I can keep her with me after she's gone.

Bella clutches at my shirt, wanting it off, so I let her pull it up my back and over my head. She flings it over to the corner and it lands on the pizza box I so violently discarded. Her legs move to either side of me, bare feet resting on the edge of the couch, and I slide to my knees, positioning myself between them. Pulling her hips closer to the edge of the table, I kiss up her bent leg, over her knee and down her thigh, licking and nipping as I go. The top of my head reaches her skirt, and as I move my hands to slide up under, intending to grasp her panties, I come up empty. "Looks like we're both commando today."

"Never got to the laundry." She says breathy. "Oh lick me Edward, please." I tell myself to never forget how much I love her commands, as I lean in and do as she says. Licking from her entrance to her clit with one single pressing motion. I move from her and she whimpers, trying to push my head back to her pussy with her hand. I don't let her win, and instead go to work on the inside flesh of her thigh. I suck greedily, trying to keep her leg still as I focus on my handiwork. She gives up trying to force me towards herself, relaxing and enjoying while I finish what I'm doing. Licking and soothing the place I've marked her. I look up at her, lust heavy in my eyes and tell her to look down. She props herself up on her elbows and her eyes widen when she sees a series of small marks, reddening the skin, forming a passable 'E'.

"Possessive much?" She laughs.

"Tonight, yes." I answer, looking at her ravenously. I don't wait for a response, instead diving back in to lap at her, my tongue hungrily taking what it wants. I bite the top of her pussy, right over her sensitive clit, and she falls off her elbows, down onto the table. Her back arches seductively as she moans, and I take my hand from her hip and slowly slide it up her body, tracing the ivy tattoo that's wrapped around her the way I'd like to be, and up under her shirt to clutch her breast. Her nipple is sharp, wanting, and I pull it and tease it, making her whimper.

"Off, take this off." I say between licks. She scrambles to remove her shirt while lying down, the movement causing her tits to move and bounce as I salivate, looking up at her. As soon as her shirt clears her chest, I move up, my mouth latching on to one nipple, sucking and pulling, while my hand moves over her pussy, sliding one finger in and out quickly. She trembles, her body writhing, over stimulated from the dual attack. She clutches my head in her hands, pulling my mouth up to meet hers.

"God I love tasting myself on you." She moans, forcing her tongue into my mouth. I add another finger to the one already pumping in and out of her and the force I'm using is making her body slide up and down the smooth tabletop. I move to add my thumb into the mix, to press her clit while sucking her nipple making her thrash, but feel her hand flying down to where mine is inside her, one of her fingers joining mine, pushing my thumb out of the way.

I raise my head from her delicious nipple. "Oh fuck, Bella-" The feel of her helping me is making my cock strain, and I wish I'd taken my jeans off before kneeling before her. The fabric is pressing into me harshly so I take my unoccupied hand and free myself. Bella lifts her head to see me stroking my cock and fingering her at the same time, and she's done.

Her moans and 'oh gods' fly around the room, the most beautiful sounds my loft has ever heard, and I begin to ease my fingers in and out of her slowly, helping her make it last until she starts to settle. Her vibrant eyes look at my hand, still stroking myself, and she orders me not to stop.

"I need to be inside of you Bella." I remove my hands from both of us and stand, Bella instantly sitting up and grabbing my rigid cock. It's in her mouth before I can protest, all I can do is put my hands on her head, guiding her. When she feels me controlling her movements, she looks up to me and moans around my cock, her eyes sliding closed. She feels so fucking good and I know I won't be able to take much more but I don't want to stop. She swirls her tongue around the head, making me thrust into her mouth. I know I'm about to come, so I pull her mouth off and reach under her arms to lift her up off the table. Standing in front of me, I pull the zipper of the skirt she still has on and lower it, letting it fall down her legs.

"You are so fucking beautiful." I whisper to her, reverently. Bella reaches out and slides her hands into the open fly of my jeans and around to my ass, pushing the waistband down, and presses herself against me. I push my pants down the rest of the way, and step out of them.

Bella climbs up my body and latches her legs around me, holding on as I walk the ten feet across the room and lower her onto the sheets. She's kneeling, her hands on my hips, my hands sliding down to hers in return, holding our bodies intimately against one another. I lean down and capture one of her lips between my teeth, gently pulling, until I press my lips to hers fully, and we languidly kiss, hips pressing together. I start to climb on the bed, forcing her to move backwards up towards the pillows, our mouths never ceasing. My body quickly overcomes hers, and she falls back, looking up at me.

I lose myself in her lust, in her beauty. "I want to worship you. Let me worship you Bella."

I position myself between her legs and move so my cock slides over her slowly. Her hands run up my biceps and down my back, hips gyrating under me, torturing. We keep this rhythm for a while; getting ourselves worked up until we're both breathing heavy and I move to enter her. She keeps her eyes on mine while I fill her, our shared gaze electric. Like the morning we wordlessly agreed to let the silence rule us, we seem to have fallen under the same type of spell, this time like-minded in just watching each other. Eyes feeling everything we can't say.

I start to move in her painstakingly slowly, so warm and welcoming, and she caresses my ass, gently guiding. Her legs are splayed on either side of us flat on the bed, knees bent, feet pressing into the sides of my hips, and the effect is sensual, unhurried. I press my whole body down onto hers fully, my hands moving to hold her head gently. The slow pressure, the full body contact and the feeling of our hips joined so closely is quickly becoming scorching. I start feeling desperate, the knowledge that she's leaving closer with every second. I allow my eyes to close, bending my head down to take her mouth, kissing her. I reopen them, only to find hers match mine, sadness filled with desire and she takes her hands and holds my head to her, mimicking. I start sliding up and down her body a little faster, pressing her into the bed, and start circling my hips slowly, building more friction. Soon we've both worked ourselves into a frenzy, but unwilling to separate our bodies even a fraction to meet the end goal. We move harder.

I use all my strength and need and flex my hips up and into her, barely leaving her skin, hitting her in just the right spot. She starts moaning, gasping, clutching, and I keep pounding relentlessly until she comes, her hands pulling my head to hers, pressing our foreheads together. I keep plunging until I come so fucking hard, filling her and taking from her all at the same time as she continues to pulse around me.

When I reluctantly start to move off of her, sorrow overtaking me, she grabs at my shoulders and whispers into my skin.

"Don't. Stay. Stay inside me."

I wish I were at a point to tell her to stay as well.

* * *

We're parked up on a trail, the hill high enough for us to see houses and buildings below us. Bob Marley is playing on the stereo; he's become my life's soundtrack.

I sit in the open doorway of the camper, just watching her. Always watching her. The fading sunlight catches the glitter she threw in her hair and creates a halo effect; no one is more worthy of being an angel than her.

Her hands reach up to the sky and she's laughing, twirling in her mini skirt with those ruffle things, threads hanging off the ends from such beloved wear. The cowboy boots she had on are cast off to the side, sitting lonely, waiting for her to reclaim them. But they don't know what I know, that she'll never claim them, she'll never claim anything.

Her laugh rides the breeze over to me, and the vision of her so carefree is one I will have to hold close because I know I might never be this close again.

She's my Bella. And in four hours, she'll be gone.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******His Personal Assistant by NorthernLights17**

Bella Swan, personal assistant to handsome, rich, successful Edward Cullen, decides to take her friends advice and make her oblivious boss fall in love with her. AU/AH.

**** A/N: You guys know I don't write often (actually I don't think I have yet lol), but I had to say that I'm absolutely floored to be up for "Fab Five" on The Lemonade Stand for my second time! Having started this story, I told Grabadietcoke I'd be glad if I got 100 reviews. Well thanks to you I'm over 1000 and I just can't believe it. Being recognized by you guys and The Lemonade Stand is more than I could've ever hoped for. I hope you take the time out of your busy holiday schedules to go vote for any story over there that has made an impact. Thanks to everyone that has loved my little fic and supported it. ****

_**I'd love to know what you're thinking now! Please leave a review! And yeah..I should've timed my chapters better, **__**hope this didn't bum out your holiday!**_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**You can never plan the future by the past." – Edmund Burke**_

The next time I was with her, we were mobile.

In the few weeks following Bella's departure, Houston experienced some unlikely weather. Angry thunderstorms, that fit my mood, had flooded our town. They are particularly strong today, and moving on through 'Dixie Alley' making me worry about her safety.

We had discussed how much contact we would have. Bella wanted to limit it, her reasons being that without any outside influence, I would be able to focus on me. I would be lying if the thought that perhaps my father had given her money to leave and not contact me hadn't crossed my mind. As awful as that thought might be.

At first, I didn't agree, not understanding why we couldn't keep in touch, and a small part wondered what would happen when she'd be beyond Kentucky, thinking as we grew further apart in miles, we'd grow farther apart altogether. But I gave in to her wishes. I knew there were things I needed to do, to get my life in order and start being the kind of man I wanted to be, but it didn't stop me from craving her whenever something reminded me of her.

To keep her close and to remind myself that someone was rooting for me, I carried a particular jade covered bracelet in my pocket, rubbing until I was sure the stones would wear down.

I'm pretty sure the reason I never gave it to her was twofold. One, I was mad she left, and two, I was hoping one day to be able to present it to her when I was done with the road to self-discovery. Like it would signify that I was complete. I knew, that if we were ever to cross paths again it would be because we were together fully. If either of us decided against that for whatever reason down the line, chances are I'd never see her again.

The rain pelting my loft window take me out of my musings, and I think that a text to see if she was ok wouldn't be out of line, considering the storms. At the same time, I feel petulant and want her to reach out to me first. I feel like a toddler having a tantrum, demanding a toy in a store he couldn't have.

I shake my head, laughing at myself, and continue to strum. Days of playing until my fingers cramped and nights of going through my life in my mind like a dysfunctional picture book had left me at times idealistic, sometimes raw, but most of all closer to peace than I'd been in a while.

I'd yet to return my father's calls, which were coming more frequently now that I was sure he'd heard of my formal resignation as Judge Black's intern, and I had moved my car to Bella's spot to make him think I wasn't home. The voicemail I received from him a few days later complaining that I wasn't around when he tried to stop by assured me my deception worked.

Continuing to play softly, I think of my future. My last year of law school was already paid for, so that was still an option. I wasn't sure what to do, either I had to figure out if I wanted to continue my studies and take the bar, or move on to something else entirely.

I spoke to Emmett often, mostly on the phone, filling him in on what had happened at Judge Black's office, and what happened with Bella, causing him to call me a shithead for letting her go. He approved of my new career-less lifestyle however.

I finally decided to tell him about Vickie's demands to my father. I was concerned about how he perceived me after the break up, but he assured me he never thought badly of me. He said he had wished I'd confided in him then but understood the humiliation I felt at the time. He was incredibly angry about the facts of the break up though, and the colorful string of profane names he had for Vickie were ones I'd never heard before.

After that conversation, our talk went to more pleasant things, like the wedding.

He and Rose had decided to get married in a small ceremony, which was coming up in two weeks, followed by an intimate dinner for family and a few friends at Eddie V's. He was hesitant to tell me the location at first, but I assured him it would be fine and that yes, I'd be his best man. I was looking forward to being involved in something happy again. Another plus was that my parents weren't invited, Emmett's folks perfectly happy that the couple didn't want to turn the wedding into a society event.

Eloise became a frequent visitor. She made excuses that I needed a maid, but I know it was because she worried about me. In her own way, she was supporting and pushing me to become someone I could live with. She also tried to fill me in on the goings on of my parents, reminding me again today that they were leaving soon for DC on business and would be gone until Friday. I tried to tell her gently that I didn't care where they were, but for whatever reason, she felt the need.

My phone startles me when it buzzes on the island, making me miss a chord, but I don't jump up to get it. I'd learned that it was never who I wanted it to be.

* * *

One random weekday, I'm walking through my old campus neighborhood on a quest to visit the music store I used to frequent. My continuous playing has required that I stock up on a few things, like strings and picks.

Before I reach the storefront, I pass a pet store having an adoption drive. Normally, I'd walk by something like this, vaguely noting the dogs in the cages waiting to be owned. For some reason, I find myself slowing down and glancing at the barking and excited puppies. There are some mutts and some breeds I recognize, all of them coming towards the front of the cage when I walk past, hoping for some attention.

One lucky dog is out of his cage and standing in a little girl's lap as she sits on the ground, the dog is licking her face, making her squeal with pleasure. Her mother is standing over them, arms crossed with a huge smile on her face.

"I think he just chose us." The woman says to the attendant watching over the dogs.

"That's how it usually happens!" She laughs, pleased that one of her pups was about to be placed in a loving home.

The conversation plays in my mind as I continue on to the store. The reference of being chosen by your pet falling in line with how I felt about meeting Bella, but once I open the door, the smell of instruments and sheet music surrounds me, throwing me back in time and making the conversation I overheard fade. I pause in the doorway, inhaling and letting myself enjoy the feeling that's washing over me at being back here, a feeling I haven't had in a long time.

I walk past the counter towards the strings and run my hand over the many packets on the wall, varying in sizes, until I find what I need.

"Edward?" I hear from behind me, and when I turn around I see it's the same guy that used to wait on me before. He still looks the same, long hair parted in the middle and tucked behind both ears, flannel shirt and dirty jeans. It's comforting. "Man it's been a long time, how ya doin'?" He throws his hand out towards me and we shake and do the bro hug thing.

"Oh wow Aaron, yeah, it's been forever." I say, waiting for the inevitable question.

"What's been keeping you away? You used to be down here at least once a week." Yeah, that's the question.

"Oh uh, well, I kind of stopped playing for a while there."

"Dude, that's a shame. You really rocked. Hey, you got time to jam now?" He asks, getting excited. He used to play a mean bass while I tried out various guitars in the store.

"Um…" I do have time. I'm not sure why I hesitate; I used to enjoy playing with him. It's probably just leftover reservations, so I shake off the cobwebs and readily agree, walking over to the line of guitars, choosing my weapon.

It feels so good to be playing with someone again, someone that I guess used to be a friend. With every chord I play I think about how this is just another facet of what was taken from me. This cramped little music store.

Aaron and I play for an hour or so, drawing attention from anyone who wanders in. A salesgirl I don't recognize sits down at a snare and plays with us, her beats keeping time and resonating throughout the space. She's covered in tattoos, her hair pink, and I think to myself that a few months ago I wouldn't have found her attractive. I look at someone like her differently now, like she's a possibility I never would have given myself.

Playing with Aaron and this girl is the most fun I've had in a while, and when we're done, I mean it when I say I won't be a stranger. I go up to the counter to buy what I came in for, and the pink haired drummer rings up my order. I am surprised but flattered when she flirts with me, commenting on my playing.

"You sounded really great. Do you play around anywhere?" She asks, touching my hand while taking my credit card from me.

I don't really feel anything towards her, but the attention is nice. "No, I don't. Are you in a band or anything?"

"Yeah, me and my girlfriends. The best chick punk band around, you know?" She says and hands me a flyer. "We're playing BFE on Saturday, you should stop by and check us out." After she hands me the flyer and my credit card, she writes her number on the back of a store card listing the hours, and drops it in the bag.

Smiling, I take my bag. "Thanks for letting me know…" I ask questioningly, waiting for her name.

"Athena." She smiles, glittered lips and fake pink lashes fluttering at me.

"Well Athena, maybe I'll try to stop by." I give her a wink and walk out of the store.

I feel exhilarated by the playing and the flirting as I walk back down past the pet store. I'm practically dancing at the tune frolicking in my head, and I stop to wiggle my fingers at some of the puppies. They're still playful, hopeful, and I crouch down in front of a little brown guy, fur kind of wild and tail wagging as fast as possible. I look up to the placard on his cage to see what kind of a dog he is, and all I can see is his name.

Monkey.

I look back down at him and he's got his paws holding the cage, standing on his hind legs while trying to lick me through the bars.

"Oh this is Monkey, he's one of our new little guys." The attendant squats down next to me, and opens his cage, letting him come out to sniff at my knee. "He was left behind when a family had to move and couldn't have him in the apartment they rented. He's a mix, we think he's part Tibetan Terrier and part Spaniel, like the dog Benji from the movies. He's a real good boy. Fully housebroken."

The woman has no idea she just said exactly what would make me take him, that he was left behind. Monkey puts his front paws on my knees, tail wagging so hard his little butt is moving, and licks my face.

Oh fuck, I was about to become a dog owner.

* * *

Happiness is growing in me.

Monkey and I quickly get into a routine, he likes listening to me and sits at my feet while I play. I'm happy that instead of glumly staring at the window, I have him to concentrate on and enjoy. Once he even started howling a bit, and it made me laugh thinking of Bella's off key singing. She would love Monkey, I'm sure of it.

We go to the dog park in the afternoons, I try to play fetch and he just takes the ball and runs, not returning it until I chase him down.

At night, we eat dinner together and he listens to me while I sort out my crap.

I know what I don't want to do. I realized I didn't want to be a senator, big deal. I still need to figure out what I _do_ want to do.

I knew one obstacle in my way, my father. I couldn't really move past anything until I faced him. I really had to stop avoiding and just tell him that I wasn't going to be who he wanted, that I wasn't going to _do_ what he wanted. The thought of finally breaking away was thrilling. Now I just had to actually do it. My dodging him wasn't really out of fear, it was more not wanting to deal with it at all. I was starting to like my slacker lifestyle.

* * *

One day while I'm putting some groceries away, Monkey sitting happily and chewing a new bone, my phone signals a text. I ignore it, and go about finishing my task and cleaning up a bit. A while later, I check my phone and I practically drop it into the sink.

Bella.

I rub the phone with my thumb, hesitating stupidly as hope fills up my chest. It's obvious in that moment how much I'd been denying to myself how badly I wanted to hear from her. I open the text to find it's not a message, but a picture.

Bella, beautiful and radiant with the sun shining behind her, sitting on the grass with her knees drawn up to her chin. She's holding the phone with one hand to take the picture and the other is holding her long skirt up, exposing her right ankle. A small tattoo clearly the intent of the picture, the rawness of her skin signifying its newness.

It's a little cartoon monkey face.

I don't want to read too much into it, but she's said she never gets too attached to anyone or anything. Her tattooing an image that represents a moment so intimate between us has to mean something. I feel my heart start pounding, and look at her face in the picture again.

Instead of the beautiful image that blinded me before, I see deeper. I see an undertone of sadness, a gauntness that maybe wasn't present a month ago.

I immediately get to work replying.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm holding Monkey on my lap, a sign propped up next to his head with an arrow and the phrase 'guess what his name is' written in marker. Next to the arrow is the finger puppet I used on her, taped to the sign. I try to smile for her without showing my longing, I'm not sure if I succeed.

I don't get another message from her.

* * *

The Thursday night before his wedding, Emmett convinces me to join him for dinner and drinks for a pseudo bachelor party. His father and brother Luke won't be coming from Dallas until the day of the wedding with his mother, so it's just the two of us.

Emmett had never been one for strip clubs, oddly enough, so he chose a noisy rib joint a little outside of town. The country music, smell of smoked meat and casualness of the place was going to be perfect, as I hadn't gotten out of my newly adopted costume of jeans and t-shirts in weeks.

"Dude, ZZ Top called, they want their beard back." He says when he picks me up in the cab, pointing to my face.

"Very funny, it's not that bad, I can't sit on it or anything." I joke, running my hand over the coarse hair.

"Not yet. Let me see your toes."

"What? Why?"

"I need to see if you're letting your toenails grow out like some mountain guy that makes moonshine in his shed."

I swat his hand away from my feet and kick him in the leg. "Don't mark me, you fuck! I have a honeymoon to get to! Nakedness and speedos and stuff!" I physically cringe at that vision, Emmett laughing besides me. "Thanks again for the gift, by the way. Rose is just in awe that you did that."

"Don't mention it." I was more than happy to give Emmett and Rose the travel vouchers I won at the auction as a wedding gift, and they immediately chose Hawaii. I was glad Emmett was going to be able to go, even if it was just for a week.

After settling into a booth facing the giant screen TV, which currently features Emmett's beloved Texas Rangers, he orders two beers and two shots of whiskey. I haven't gone down the road of liquor-fueled introspection yet, a fact I'm quite proud of, but I figure I was due. I down the shot after cheering Emmett, the whisky burning down my throat and warming my chest.

I immediately order two more, much to Emmett's delight. "Damn Edward!" He looks at our waitress. "I like this guy. Drinking on a school night!"

I watch the waitress walk away. "Yeah well I have nowhere to go and nothing to do."

"And no one _to_ do." He motions with his glass at me before downing his shot. "Want me to wrestle up a girl for you? I can be your wingman!" Emmett declares, and starts looking around the bar for possible contenders.

"Nice offer, but no." I sip my beer and trace the carved initials on the thick plank wood table.

"Eh, no one here's your type anyway." He says, putting his attention back on me. "Although, I'm not sure what that is anymore. Evening gowns or thrift store finds?"

"I don't have a type anymore. I've sworn off women."

"Dude, so, going gay?" Emmett asks, sympathetically nodding his head at me.

"You wish."

Emmett grins, and finishes his beer.

We eat dinner, digging heartily into our messy barbecue, and ordering beer after beer. We're pleasantly drunk, Emmett rubbing his extended stomach and belching. Me, trying to get barbecue sauce off my new beard with wet naps. We're laughing at everything and nothing, my head too light after weeks of being bogged down.

I show him a few pictures of Monkey, and Emmett is surprised, claiming I was never a dog person.

"Why do you think that? I love dogs." I say squinting at the latest shot of Monkey chewing on one of my long forgotten dress shoes.

"No you don't, I wanted to bring that stray home in college and you about had a shit fit." I look at him, trying to remember.

"No, I didn't have a problem with it-" I trail off, realizing I went somewhere I didn't want to and unable to finish.

"Oh right. Bitch Vickie didn't like them. You agreed! You shit. Could've had a dog." Emmett trails off and gulps his beer.

I start thinking about that time with her, not focusing on us exactly, but on what was going on around me. It comes to me that I don't know how Emmett felt about the whole thing.

"Em, what did you think her?" I ask, cringing, knowing he's not going to want to talk about this.

"Dude we are not doing this at my last hurrah! Fuck that shit. More whiskey!" Emmett slams his hand down, making the glasses jump.

"I don't want to fucking talk about it in length, I just think I'm starting to figure out what's real and what's not. I shut down for so long and I realize now I never saw any of it correctly. It occurred to me that we never really talked about it after she left."

"What the fuck? Did Oprah offer you a job? There was no talking to you. You were like a friggin' zombie."

"I was. I know."

"I will say, I was shocked when you told me she had the balls to go to your father and blackmail him."

"It wasn't exactly blackmail. It was a 'deal'." I snort.

"Whatever, same thing. Just struck me odd since she was so intimidated by him and all. The whore I knew wouldn't have gone ten feet near him if you didn't make her. Remember how she used to throw up before having to go to dinner at your house or the club?"

No, I had forgotten that. At first, I saw it as nerves, her shy demeanor taking over when she was faced with the idea she had to impress them early on in our relationship. After a while, I assumed it was because my father was dismissive of her. I eventually stopped taking her around them, and would go by myself when duty called.

What Emmett said starts making my head, and the beer in my stomach, churn. "Eloise told me to look at that day differently." I say more out loud to myself than to him, remembering our conversation.

"Like how?"

"I'm not sure, but I know she was hinting at something. She needs her job too much to reveal anything if she knows it, but I definitely got the feeling she wanted me to gain a new perspective. Maybe that's all it is but I have the feeling it's not."

I sit, thinking for a moment, until I come up with a really stupid idea.

"Emmett. It's your bachelor party. You up for something crazy?"

Emmett slams his beer down, making the liquid jump out the sides onto the table. "Sure man! Lay it on me!"

"How would you feel about breaking into my folk's house?"

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******Firefly in Summer by primarycolors**

Edward finds himself back in the little beach town of his childhood when he inherits the local bar from his uncle. The elusive, pretty girl next door has killer legs, a sketchbook and secrets that are slowly eating her alive.

_**I'd love to know what you're thinking, please leave me a review! **_


	18. Chapter 18

**Happy New Year everyone! Be safe! **

**Chapter 18**

_forgrabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**It is far better to foresee even without certainty than not to foresee at all." – Henri Poincare**_

The next time…well, I wasn't with her at all.

"Bro, it's not really breaking and entering if you know the security code." Emmett says from behind me.

"Shhh!" I slur a bit, turning around, putting my finger up to my mouth. "Don't ruin this for me." Maybe we should've sobered up a bit more but I knew this was probably my one and only window.

"Whatever." Emmett sighs behind me and falls against the wall of the outside vestibule waiting for me to punch in the code inside the foyer.

It's been a few years since I had to use it, but if I remember correctly, the code is the date my father won his senate seat. I'm not joking. Not wanting to enter a false code, I wait until I'm sure I'm right, and enter the 6 digits.

I wait until the light goes from red to green, and the alarm stops its warning beep. I let go of the breath I was holding and motion Emmett in. I turn on the small lamp that's on the table where Eloise puts the mail, not wanting to light the whole place up like a Christmas tree and draw attention. The ranch sits far back on the property, but it is still visible from the road.

"Where's Eloise?" Emmett asks as he walks through the foyer, looking up at the vaulted ceiling, hands in his pockets because I warned him not to touch anything. I've been to museums with the guy, he touches the dinosaur bones.

"She left me a voicemail today saying that she was visiting her sister, I thought it was odd at the time…"

"So you think she's been telling you to do this. Letting you know when your folks were gone, when she'd be gone…" He trails off.

"Exactly." I lead Emmett through the formal parlor, a cold room if ever there was one, fitting of the people that live here, and over to the far end where the hallway that leads to the study begins. "It just dawned on me at dinner."

"Eloise is the bomb. I had no idea she had criminal tendencies!" Emmett says excitedly. "If I weren't marrying Rose, I might've had to take a crack at her."

"That's disgusting you perv. She's like my mother."

"You're mother's pretty hot too."

With nothing to say to that, I roll my eyes and turn down the hallway, entering the opened study door. Feeling around in the dark, I locate the green desk lamp and pull the chain, the desk glowing in a small circle. It's all the light I should need. The room still intimidates me, despite my age. Like most of the house, memories were not made here.

"Won't your folks know someone entered tonight from the security records? Time and everything?" Emmett asks as I take a heavy glass paperweight out of his hands he was about to juggle.

"Uh well, I hadn't thought about that. Let's just hope that by the time they find that information out, I'll know what I'm supposed to and I won't care."

"Do you care now?" Emmett looks at me.

I look back at him, my brow furrowing and then relaxing as I smile. "Fuck no."

Emmett grins and I go to move behind the heavy oak desk, the one I've only sat in front of when being reprimanded, and lower myself into my father's leather chair. The leather crackles a bit as I settle in and move closer to the desk. I look around the desktop for a moment, figuring out a plan of attack.

"So what are you looking for?" Emmett sits in front of me, putting his feet up on the desk and quickly removing them when I glare at him pointedly.

"I'm not really sure. The only thing I know for a fact is the check will be here with his accounting. I have no idea what might've changed about it, but it's a start." I move the chair to the filing cabinet that sits low next to the desk, against the wall, and start looking through the drawer where I know he keeps the cancelled checks and paid bills his accountant sends him.

I look under "Vickie", nothing. I look under her last name "McDonald", and again find nothing. I sit back up and run my hand over my face.

"Oh-kaaay. Well that was short lived and less fun than I imagined." Emmett says.

"Just give me a minute." I look around the desk, under some files and papers, not really sure what I'm looking for. I go to pull one of the bottom drawers open and find it locked. Hoping the keys are in the desk somewhere, I open the middle drawer and root through the pens, paper clips, and other general office supplies that usually fill a desk.

"Dude that's too obvious. If I were gonna hide keys, I wouldn't hide them in the desk they lock." Emmett points out before jumping up and going to the bar across the room.

"Don't Emmett, I'm not walking all the way over to the kitchen to wash a glass."

Emmett ignores me and looks around the bar, smiling when he opens up the little door that holds my dad's cigars in a humidor. He straightens up, keys in hand. "Ta da!" He says, dangling them in front of him as he walks back to me.

"What the fuck?" He drops them into my palm.

"Quentin Tarantino movie. Hide the keys where the wife will never go."

Raising my eyebrows, I'm actually quite impressed by Emmett in this moment. "I'm not sure if I should be happy by that fact or sad for my mother." Who knows what the fuck he's hiding from her.

Finding the right key, I slide it into the lock and turn, releasing the drawer. I don't expect to find much here either except some government business, but to my amazement, all the way in the back is a folder.

With Vicki's mother's name on it.

I sit staring at the folder until Emmett asks me what it is. When I tell him, he's as silent as me.

"Do you think they were having an affair?" He says cautiously, voicing exactly what I was thinking.

My stomach rolling, I answer. "I guess it's possible?" Not wanting to wrap my head around that yet, I go back into the desk to see if there is another folder with Vicki's name and don't find one.

Laying the folder on the desk in front of me, I open it and stare at the contents. The check he showed me that day is in there, clipped to two envelopes. I pick up the check and take the envelopes off, putting them to the side, and examine the hateful piece of paper. Nothing looks different than it did when I first saw it.

I pick up the first envelope and turn it over, there's nothing on the outside to indicate what might be in it, no address or name. The second is also blank.

Opening one slowly, I feel trepidation. It could be something simple like the bank statement, but I really don't think it is.

It's another check.

This one is made out to Vickie's mother, Betty. The same amount as Vickie's, fifty grand, and checking the back, I see Betty McDonald's endorsement.

I have no idea what I'm looking at, my father told me that Vickie demanded money. He never mentioned her mother doing the same. Emmett, growing impatient, comes to stand behind me and looks down at the desktop. Looking over what's in front of me, he quietly says, "Why pay her mother?"

"Oh god. Do you think this means he _was_ having an affair with her?" I laugh bitterly. But dismiss the idea quickly. "My father is a complete scumbag but I don't think he'd cheat on my mother. He worships her." I can feel the perspiration beading on my forehead, uncertainty at what I'm holding giving me a headache. "If he did…with my girlfriend's mother…I don't even want to think about it." I feel my buzz lessening and I don't really wish to become sober right now, so I walk over to the bar and take a swig out of the scotch decanter. It burns going down and I grimace at the taste.

I hear Emmett rifling through the folder. "Hold on there just a minute, Edward, we're not sure of anything. This other envelope has a letter."

I don't hold out much hope that it's not something awful, and I barely watch as he unfolds a piece of standard notebook paper, and opens it flat on the desk. I wait, taking another sip of scotch, as I watch him skim the letter.

"Fuck. Well, it could be worse, but it's not something you're going to want to hear."

"What, what does it say Emmett?" I walk back over to him and pick up the letter, scanning its contents. "What the fuck?" Realization starting to creep into my brain like a fungus.

I hear my words leave my mouth slowly, moving in time with the thoughts making their way into my brain. "Vickie didn't go to my father and ask for money. He made me think he agreed to her demands in my best interest." I pause, my fury rising. "My father approached _her_. It was _his_ idea to pay off my girlfriend to fucking leave me. He caused all of it. All of those fucking months of pain I went through. He fucking did that to me." I feel the blood drain from my body.

Emmett puts a hand on my shoulder, waiting until I stop ranting. He speaks quietly to me. "Yeah. And the bitch took it. They're both guilty." He moves away from the desk, taking the decanter from me, and I flop into the chair, my adrenaline making my heart race and I again pick up the paper.

Sighing, I put the letter down and look at my friend. "You're right. God, you're right. If she loved me, at all, she would've come to me to tell me what my father did. She wouldn't have taken any of his money."

Emmett sits across from me, nodding his head and looking at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry dude, this just flat out sucks."

"Fuck me." I rub my hand over my face and up through my hair. "He still fucking knew, he knew he…paid them and just waited, watching the whole thing unravel me."

I sit looking at the letter for a minute, then the checks, and the letter again. Finally I lift my head up to Emmett sitting across from me, quietly waiting.

"My father's a cocksucker."

* * *

Emmett takes my key from me and opens my loft door as my hands are occupied, one clutching tightly at the folder I stole from my father's office. The other dragging through my hair, pulling. Monkey greets us at the door, excited I'm home, and Emmett crouches down to ruffle the fur on his head.

I move to my couch and sit heavily, my mind full of questions. Waiting to speak with my father is going to drive me insane.

On the way home, I've run the gamut of emotions. Disbelief, denial, anger, and now I think I'm on disgust. I don't even know where to begin to sort it out. Until I can talk to him, I can't really do anything but run it all through my mind. The deceit and pain a father could cause his son, unbelievable in my mind.

"When are they getting back?" Emmett asks, sitting down next to me with two beers, handing me one. I take it, but don't drink.

"Tomorrow, I believe? I know they were going to be back the weekend of your wedding." Horror runs through me. "Fuck Emmett, your bachelor party. I'm so sorry tonight ended up like a pile of shit." I feel guilty.

"A steaming pile of shit." He grins, then looks at me sympathetically. "Dude you didn't know, don't worry about me for Christ's sake."

"I'll be done with this by then. Saturday is going to be emo free, I promise."

"Edward it's ok. You have a lot of shit to sort through. Saturday's gonna be excellent no matter what, I just hope you're all right." Leave it to Emmett to worry more for me than himself.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I just hate waiting for answers. I could call him, but I need to see that bastard, face to face."

"Can I come?" Emmett grins and pushes me in the shoulder. I stay where I've slumped over onto the arm.

"I hate him." I state, simply.

"Yeah." We both sip at our beer and sit in silence a while.

Once Emmett leaves, after offering to spend the night on the couch, I move over to my bed and fall down face first. Suffocating myself feels good, I let the darkness of the bed pressing into my eyes be the only thing I care about.

I must have dozed off. When I wake up, Monkey is nudging my elbow, and I open my eyes to see it's light out. Barely light. He must want to go out and I can't think of anything I'd rather do than walk in the early morning air with my dog. Putting on my shoes, Monkey dances around my feet until we're ready to go.

We walk to the little grouping of stores at the end of my block, past lots of trees and interesting things to sniff, to the little coffee place on the corner. The place is empty as they've just opened, and the girl behind the counter lets me carry Monkey in to get a cup. The hot liquid and caffeine hits the spot, my head is still pretty cloudy from last night and I'm not sure if it's the booze or the drama causing it to pound.

After returning to the loft and feeding Monkey, I avoid the folder sitting on the coffee table and get a few things done. I shower, gather laundry, anything I can do to not think about the letter until it's all I can think about.

I sit down, picking up the envelope, and re-read the letter addressed to my father's lawyer, marked with the word 'copy'.

_Mr. Jenks,_

_Here is our new address. I expect Mr. Cullen to send us the second part of the money he offered us immediately._

_I'd like you to pass word to him that he need not worry about "those hillbillies" keeping up our end of the deal. I can promise you that Vickie and I want no further contact with him or with Edward. He says Vickie wasn't fit to walk five feet behind his precious son, well let me tell you he doesn't deserve her. She's better than he is, she knew it, and she's going to make it big, where as he'll just lap up the crud from the bottom of his daddy's shoes. She would have never become a star with him riding her coat tails, dragging her down. She's smart enough to realize that._

_In return, I expect you to make sure those high and mighty Cullens stay out of our business. They had better never reveal anything about this arrangement in the future or interfere with Vickie's career once she becomes famous, tarring her reputation. There will never be any mention of his payoff from us. I have a copy of the legal agreement you drew up saying just that and I will get a lawyer if I have to._

_Betty McDonald_

The sickness I felt last night when I read this isn't present now, just a burning rage towards everyone involved in fucking with my life.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

**There is a Light by belladonnacullen**

This was 1987; before the Internet, before Twitter, before Facebook – this was back when it was still possible for people not to know about things: big things - like bands, and little things - like G-spots. AH, ExB, with some other parings along the way.

_**I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please leave me a review! **_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Chapter 19**_

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**He is the best man who, when making his plans, fears and reflects on everything that can happen to him, but in the moment of action is bold." - Herodotus**_

I call Eloise later in the morning, checking to see when my father will be home. I also want to know whether or not my mother will be in if I were to drop by. She hesitates, but then tells me she can make sure my mother is out of the house if I want her to. I can tell she knows this is finally coming to a head, and like me, wants to spare my mother any ugliness. I have no way of knowing if my mother knows about what my father did, but this is between him and I.

I end my call with Eloise with a vague plan to drop by at four thirty this afternoon. I then head out to my lawyer's office. Not my father's lawyer. He and I thoroughly check and see if there is any possible way my father can influence the money my grandfather left me. It was in a trust I gained possession of last year, but now knowing the level of deception my father is capable of, we make sure that there is absolutely no way he has or will have any claim to my fortune. I had no idea if he could've added some sort of rider or clause in it himself as the trustee.

Once I am assured that he has no hold over anything I own, I make my way to my father's house, feelings of dread and exhilaration coursing through me all at the same time.

Pulling into the driveway, I stare up at the big house framed by a dim Texas sky and try to gather my thoughts. I don't want to go in there guns blazing, I need to keep cool and in control. Even though I now know he approached Vickie and not the other way around, I still can't fathom that he would go to such lengths to dictate my life. Part of me is hoping for some sort of an explanation or remorse. I have to get the facts before I make my judgment.

I use my key to let myself in, finding the house quiet and lacking of activity. I assume I'll find my father in his study, and walk through the still parlor, retracing my steps from the previous evening.

I creep down the hallway, not wanting to alert my father to my presence just yet. I have the upper hand here, and he won't be expecting me. I've left the folder at home, tucking the checks and letter into my back pocket.

I stand in the doorway to the study, and watch my father, who is indeed at his desk. His profile is facing me, his eyes concentrated on the computer off to the side. The anger I wanted to quell is rising, and I try to keep my voice in check when I announce my presence into the eerily quiet atmosphere. "Carlisle." I've never referred to him that way before.

Startled, my father turns his head to me. I watch his features change as his surprise lessens, and I can tell that he thinks I've come to grovel, asking for forgiveness for my recent actions.

"Well, Edward. It's about time you showed up, don't you think?" He leans back in his chair and motions for me to sit. I don't.

He narrows his eyes at me, and continues in a quietly condescending tone. "Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? Your behavior lately is an embarrassment. Do you even realize what I had to do to get you that internship with Black? What could you possibly have been thinking?"

"I'm not here to explain my actions to you, or to apologize. I made a decision that was right for me, and I felt damn good walking out of there." I snap at him.

My father considers my words coolly, "And what do you think is going to happen now? Do you know what kind of favors I'm going to have to pull to fix this latest stunt of yours?"

His statement makes me focus, returning myself to a composed state. "Getting help from you is the last thing I want."

He pauses. "Well then, I think you'd better explain why you've decided to interrupt my afternoon."

I pull out the evidence from my pocket and drop it on his desk. He looks at it for a moment, brow furrowed in impatience, until he moves the envelope that's lying on the checks to the side and reveals them. I watch as his face goes from recognition to anger.

"Where did you get these?" He says as he starts to pull open the unlocked drawer in his desk.

"These aren't copies. I got them from your desk. Last night."

"You stole these? From my desk when I wasn't home? Are you insane Edward?" His voice starts rising, reprimanding.

"For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have a strong grip on reality actually. I just want to know one thing. Why?" I lean over and tap the letter.

My father slowly pushes the drawer closed, regaining his composure, and leans back into his chair, hands tenting under his chin, glancing at the paper. "I did it for your own good." Is all he says. He thinks that's an answer that will pacify me.

"My own good. You paid my girlfriend to leave me. And then you lied about it. Even when you were living the lie and leading me to believe that she had approached you, you didn't feel the need to tell me what was coming. You chose to let her destroy me." Saying it out loud sickens me, my face twisting.

He leans forward and folds his hands over the checks and letter, covering them. "You do realize that nothing would ever have been able to come from such a relationship, don't you? Her mother was a stripper for Christ's sake. Vickie had started to fill your head with stupid notions and unrealistic plans. A musician?" he scoffs. "Really Edward, I couldn't let you throw your entire life away for a piece of ass."

I want nothing more than to slap the smug look off of his face. "Do you even realize what you did to me? What you put me through? How could you do that, inflict that much pain onto your own son?"

My father points at me. "You needed to toughen up, Edward and get your priorities straight. I did that for you." He looks at me a moment before continuing. "Do you even know how much time and money has been invested in you? Your schooling, your activities, your future? I have worked my ass off to ensure that you would have the kind of life and career deserving of a Cullen, and what do you do? Start to let it all slip by for a cheap whore and a stupid plan to play guitar in some shithole? Do you really think I was going to let that happen?"

My tone turns angry, matching his. "Did you ever once even think about asking me what it is I might like to do?"

"Why would you want anything else?" He looks at me incredulously, like he really doesn't get it.

"Gee I don't know. God forbid I should be happy, right?" I laugh out, angry, my voice rising.

I watch my father as he takes the checks and the envelope and puts them back in his desk, the action signifying he thinks we're done. He thinks it's over, that I'm going to go along, the way I have my entire life. I sit down in front of him, not letting him off that easy. "Why two checks. Why the one to Betty?"

He shuts the drawer and sighs; getting tired of this whole conversation. "Vickie wasn't as easy to pay off as I thought she'd be. It took a little…extra incentive for her to see things my way. Her mother had a drug problem, did you know that?" I make no motion to answer, so he continues. "To sweeten the deal, I offered the money to cover a rehab program. Vickie got her mother off drugs and money to start her frivolous career and I got rid of them both." He says snidely.

I'm staring at him, not budging. "Do you even feel remorse for what you did?"

My father holds out his hands in front of him, frustrated. "What is it you want from me, Edward? So you've found out that she didn't approach me, does that make anything different? She still took the money; she still chose her stupid singing over you. You were better off without her, and after we fix this setback we'll continue on the way we've planned." He waves his hand at me in a dismissive gesture.

"I'm not an idiot. I realize it wouldn't have worked out. She turned out not to be the person I believed she was and that would have eventually made itself clear. But you took the choice from me. I don't give a fuck about her, but I do give a fuck that you screwed with my life!"

When he sees I'm still angry and wanting an answer, he leans back and contemplates me, his gaze calculating. "I understand your friend Bella has left town, has she not?"

I'm thrown by the mention of Bella, and the hairs on my arm rise in attention.

"I'm guessing that you didn't recognize her last name?"

I don't know what to say, so I shake my head, fear creeping into me.

"Bella's mother was Renee Higgenbotham. Had she told you that?"

"She mentioned her name once, it didn't mean anything to me." I say clearly, I'm trying to retain my strong presence.

"I assumed that it was still a relatively known story in our circles, but perhaps not. Let me fill you in." My father moves his chair back and crosses his left leg over his right. "Renee Higgenbotham was a social climber. She was born into a very poor family, mother dead, single father, the whole bit. She was always looking for a way to get out of her unfortunate circumstances." He pulls imaginary lint from his pant leg and continues. "She schemed and seduced a married man, got herself pregnant, and used the pregnancy to blackmail that man out of a very substantial sum. Oldest trick in the book."

How would my father know any of these people? I don't say anything, my mind whirling; things I'd overheard years ago fitting into place as he looks back at me. "Do you know who that man was, Edward?"

I'd heard the story, listening in on conversations I shouldn't. "Bella is the late Senator Swan's daughter…?" My voice sounds far away, outside of my body. Bella's mother was crucified by my parent's peers. Her father, forgiven. My parents socialized with the Senator and his wife. They were club members together. I remember being introduced to them at the house during a party.

"Yes, she is that bastard child. I hate to be the one to fill you in on this, Edward, I really am." He tilts his head contemptuously. After a moment of letting me think, he adds, "I think you know what I'm about to tell you."

All the blood drains out of my face, I can feel it leaving my body through my feet in great pools and spreading over the thick wool carpeting.

"Bella came to me before she left, realizing who I was, and asked me for money. Like mother like daughter. I gave it to her, again bailing you out of a relationship that would be no good for you, for your career, for our family. I did it in your best interest, again."

I stare at him, anger building up inside of me, disbelief that this could be happening allover.

My father leans back farther in his seat, looking at me smugly. "You're welcome."

His words wash over me, like hot lava running down the side of a volcano. Burning everything in its wake and leaving it ash.

I don't even realize I'm standing until I'm once again towering over the desk, and my father follows suit. He looks at me before turning to walk to the bar where he opens the scotch.

I replay everything I ever knew about Bella in my mind, watching my father pour, and memories flash in front of me like a quick little slideshow.

Bella passing on the bracelet because she couldn't afford it.

Bella telling me the story of her mother with tears in her eyes and hatred in her veins.

Bella's unease when she first learned of my major and that I planned to go into politics.

Bella telling my parents who her mother was and her reaction when she found out my father was a senator.

My head is swimming and my stomach nauseous at the possibility that my father is right. That I got played for a fool a second time. Old feelings resurface, feelings I thought I'd never have to feel again. Vickie's words play back at me through a fog, mixing with images of Bella, trying to make sense of everything.

But then the visions change. Like snow melting exposing the grass that had been buried underneath.

Bella telling me money didn't matter.

Bella not caring how or where she lives or sleeps.

Bella not caring how much she sold her stuff for.

Bella giving Rosalie the baby gift.

Bella encouraging me to play music again.

Bella in my arms, loving me.

I see all of the inherently good things that Bella has ever shown me and my head clears like a window set on defrost and I know. In that moment, I know I'm being played for a fool again, but not by Bella. This man I call my father is lying to me. Again.

He's walking towards me, hand holding out the glass filled with amber, but I don't take it.

"You would lie a second time, to your own flesh and blood." My incredulous voice is filled with ice.

Anger flashes from his eyes. "I didn't do anything. If you want to blame anyone in this room blame yourself. How long am I going to have to fix things for you Edward? When are you going to get it? I thought I raised an intelligent man, I guess I was wrong."

"You're wrong about Bella."

He sets the glass I denied down on the desk and sips at his own. "Trust me, Son," he says with a sneer. "That little gold digger couldn't wait to approach me. Do you know when she came to me? The night after we met her."

I think back to that day, how Bella left me claiming she had errands to run. She came back that night, to tell me she was leaving.

I shake my head, clearing my thoughts. I know Bella. I'm a different person now than I was; I've learned to trust myself. I trust everything I feel about Bella. She is good. What we had was good. I know without a doubt she's the best thing I've ever had in my life.

Bella is happiness.

I don't care anymore about anything other than leaving this man behind me. I speak clearly but slowly, never so sure. "You disgust me."

My father looks at his glass, swirling the liquid. "You know son, you should thank me." He lifts his head, his eyes blazing, meeting mine. "I didn't ask her to be cruel on her way out like I did with the other one."

Red is all around me, swirling and getting into my gut, my eyes, my lungs. Red of fire, of anger. Red of rage and hatred. I want to lash out. I want to throw my chair at the shiny spectacle of the crystal in the bar. I want to push everything off of his desk, making everything land in a heap of broken glass and paper on the floor. I want to cause destruction.

I feel my hands start to tighten into fists, and I find my release.

My right fist connects with my father's left jaw, the sound of the cracking bone of either the jaw or my hand resounding loudly in the oppressive room. The surging energy and feeling of power in my hand sweeps away the red that surrounded me, all of my tension fleeing through the thumping of the muscles, bone and blood.

I look down at my father lying on the floor, scotch spilled, being soaked up by his crisp white shirt. His jaw angry and red, he stares at me in disbelief.

I stand over him, the voice coming out of me steely, righteous, and never surer of itself.

"I am ashamed I ever called you my father." I squash down the urge to kick him in the balls and walk out of that office, that house, for the last time.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******Son of a Preacher Man by LaViePastiche**

The wild son of a famous televangelist, Jasper likes to love 'em and leave 'em. Will he meet his match in Bella, who's in love with his sister's boyfriend Edward? And what happens when Edward finally notices her? AH, B/E

**_I'd love to hear your thoughts, please leave a review! _**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**And the Buddha is the person who's free; free of plans, free of cares." - Bodhidharma**_

The next time I'm with her, it's the first day of the rest of my life.

The day of Emmett's wedding is hot and sultry; the kind of sultry where the steam rises off of the streets and mirages of water appear on the blacktop. I'm grateful for the beige linen suit Emmett chose for me to wear, and that the ceremony is indoors. It's being held in the little chapel off the Catholic church where Rose's family is part of the congregation.

Emmett and I stand in the room behind the altar, waiting for the signal to take our places. Emmett is bouncing on the balls of his feet, and I can't help but comment on how happy my best friend is.

"You have no idea. I never really thought I'd be this excited to end my bachelor ways, but when it's right, it's right." He adjusts his navy tie again, and I tell him it's fine. "Distract me dude, I'm like ready to drink the holy wine over on the table. Tell me again about hitting Senator Cullen."

"I don't want to talk about that today Em, today is yours."

"Feeling any remorse?"

"Actually no. Quite the opposite."

Emmett turns to me with his eyebrows raised. "Yeah? I'm glad to hear it. I was a little concerned…"

"Afraid I wasn't going to show?" I joke, running my hand through my hair.

"Oh I'd kick your ass if you didn't show I wasn't worried about that." He laughs then stops abruptly. "Oops. I'd kick your butt I mean." Emmett looks up to the cross hanging over the doorway and shrugs apologetically at it. "More concerned I guess that things would change once you got there." He's being polite, and not saying he hoped I didn't puss out.

"Yeah well I did what I set out to do. And now it's over."

"So that's it, huh? No more contact with the parental units?" Emmett turns to me, unbelieving.

"I have to talk to my mother, I'm not sure what her part in it was, if at all." I'd like to believe she wasn't aware. "Whatever it is she has to say isn't going to matter. It's not going to change the outcome. I'm done with him. I wasn't expecting it to end so violently, but for the first time in my life I don't give a…" I pause and look at the cross, "fudge what any of them think. His influence in my life is over. It was over the moment I read that letter."

"So what now?" He smiles at me. "Are you going to grow your beard back?"

"I'll fill you in when I know, and yes, probably." I laugh.

We both fall silent, Emmett continuing the bouncing, my hands shoved deep in my pockets.

"You really are a good person Edward. You're the best friend a guy could have. Thank you for standing up with me today, even with everything that's going on in your life."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world Em." We turn to look at each other, and raise our hands to shake at the same time. Emmett pulls me in to him, one arm slapping my back. I return the gesture and we break away.

We both clear our throats. "Is the chick part of the day over? If not, let me know. I just started getting my balls back." I joke.

The door opens right then and Emmett guffaws loudly, that's the only way to explain it, and the church lady comes in to let us know it's time. She gives me a dirty look as we make our way out to get Emmett hitched.

* * *

I watch Emmett swing Rosalie around the dance floor the restaurant set up in the private room, one hand behind her back, the other holding her slightly swollen stomach. They say pregnant women glow, but in this case, Rosalie is more. She's luminous.

A twinge of jealousy flies through me, not of them, but of the sureness they exude planning out this stage of their lives. Life was thrown at them, unexpected and still unsure. Emmett, true to his word never did take the paternity test, and they're jumping in with both feet unafraid.

I tilt my glass of champagne back and forth, watching the bubbles rise and break on the surface, until a cousin of Rosalie's approaches me. She's pretty, a bridesmaid in a dress matching the navy of my tie. She asks if she can sit, and with a nod of my head she lowers herself beside me.

"They just look so happy, don't they?"

I murmur my agreement, sipping at the liquid in my glass.

"So you're Edward Cullen. I've heard a bit about you." She says, sipping out of her own.

"Don't believe any of it. Emmett's a liar." I grin, looking at her.

She laughs with me. "I won't. You should hear the things he said." Her eyes sparkle at me, and I know what this is.

"I'll bet." The waiter comes by with a tray of champagne and I pluck two from him, handing one to the girl beside me. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name earlier."

"Angela. My mother and Rosalie's are sisters."

I note her dark hair and features. "You look nothing alike."

"I'm the good looking one in the family." She smiles at me, leaning her body towards me.

I smile politely, and resume watching everyone on the floor. "Would you care to dance?" Angela asks me, and wanting to feel like I'm part of this joyful day, I accept.

We're moving together to the music, two people unfamiliar with each other, and the air around us is heavy with the discomfort. I'm reminded of a different dance, a different song, a different girl. A dance that was everything this one isn't.

Angela makes small talk, asking what it is I do for a living.

"Right now? Nothing." I say, grinning at the thought.

"Oh, I heard you were going into politics. I must've heard wrong." She says, looking confused.

I turn us around the floor per functionary, keeping time with the music. "Mmm I was. I've had a change of plans. Perhaps Taco Bell is hiring." I chuckle.

"I see. I assumed you'd be following your father's footsteps." She says trying to appear casual and not at all disturbed by what I just said.

I stiffen. "Ah, you know who my father is."

"Of course. Senator Cullen. You get your good looks from him." She smiles at me flirtatiously, and all I can do is try to think of a way to end this uncomfortable moment. "My mother says she saw you at the benefit a while ago, at the club. You were with Tanya Denali."

I nod, saying nothing.

"If you're not serious with her, I'd be available for dinner. Heck even if you are." She laughs, the sound grating on my nerves.

I stop dancing and she looks at me questioningly. "I'm sorry Angela, I'm not available. To anyone right now."

She looks around embarrassed, checking to see if anyone has noticed we've stopped moving in the middle of a sea of dancing couples, or overheard my rejection. "Well that doesn't mean we can't have dinner, does it?" She says, batting her eyelashes and trying to get a second chance.

"Yes, actually it does. I'm sorry Angela, you seem like a very nice girl…just not the girl for me." I lead her off the dance floor and once we've made it to the edge by the tables, I separate myself from her and excuse myself to the men's room.

* * *

The evening is winding down, people happily drunk and toasting the couple of the evening. The amount of love in the room catches in my throat, Rosalie and Emmett's families overjoyed at the day's events. I know in my heart that I will never have this, but it's the choice I've made. Rhetorically, even if I were to patch things up with my family and follow the plan, perhaps marrying someone like Tanya, it would never be something my heart would forgive. I've woken from the stupor I found myself in for far too long, and there's no going back. Eloise and Emmett have always been my true family, and now I'm glad to include Rose and the baby to be.

I'm not morose about it, just reflective.

Emmett flops down next to me, his shirt rumpled, jacket and tie long gone. He hands me a glass of whiskey and we toast.

"I am a married man, dude."

"Yup. You are."

"Whodathunkit." Emmett slurs slightly, his cheeks red from the dancing and the booze. And possibly all the smiling.

"How did you do it, Em? How did you decide to change everything you ever knew and go with Plan B?"

"I didn't decide it. It chose me. That woman over there-" he says, gazing lovingly at his wife, "I can't imagine going through life without her. The good, the bad, whatever it is." He takes a sip of his drink, letting out a long exhale through his teeth, tasting the burn of the alcohol. "I sound like a girl." He grins.

"Well you are married now, tampons in the closet and all that." I laugh, half heartedly.

Emmett picks up on my mood. "I saw you dancing with Angela."

"She's like the rest, Em."

Emmett takes a sip of his drink. Staring into his glass, he asks, "Have you heard from Bella?"

"Not really." We both sit in silence, watching Rosalie dance with her father.

Emmett speaks, still looking out towards the dance floor. "You know Edward, shit is scary. You think I'm not terrified of making a mistake? Working for her father or with the baby? I am." Emmett looks over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "But I'd rather be scared shitless with her than safe on a beach without her. Everything else is going to work out because I have her in my corner."

I let Emmett's words sink in, and instinctively reach into my pocket, rubbing the jade stones my fingertips are overly familiar with.

The minutes pass, two friends sitting silently, sipping whiskey. I think of everything Emmett and I have been through together, the time I bailed him out of jail, the time he stopped me from drunkenly hitting a cop, the time we both got caught hanging our boxers up on the flagpole, buck naked. A lump forms in my throat.

"Emmett?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think I'm going to be here when you get back."

"I know."

* * *

I'm flying down the highway, sunglasses on and the top rolled back, Monkey catching the breeze with his ears and tongue next to me. He likes Bob Marley, so I put it on for him and he howls a few times. I sing along, matching his notes. The day is golden, the sun high up in the sky, touching everything and casting a warm glow. The hot air rushing through the open Jeep energizes and invigorates me.

We stop along the way for food and gas and walks, but we have a goal and a road trip filled with weird roadside attractions like the biggest ball of string and _Largest Indoor Insect Park!_ will have to wait for another time.

I feel alive. I have a plan. One completely of my own making. I feel like a new person, like I've shed a thousand skins and walked a million miles. One journey has ended, but a new and better one is just beginning. The thrill of it makes me feel electric, and for the first time in years I feel nothing but utter peace.

I think back to just two days ago. Waking up the morning after Emmett's wedding was like waking up after a winter's long hibernation. Gone was the fogginess that had encased my brain for far too long. I woke up to a new life.

I spent the next two days in a flurry of activity, my mind clear of doubt and never questioning what I'd finally decided to do. I've never felt better about a decision in my life. A decision free of having to consider the aftermath, of how it will affect things down an arbitrary timeline, free of how it will affect a 'plan' I was never really a part of.

One of the first things I did was pack up my suits for Goodwill and leave them down in the lobby for pick up. I might've kept one, old habits die hard.

I spent some time at The Library, my intention to ask Alice if I could put up a flyer advertising my loft for rent. Before I even finished describing it to her, she had scanned the flyer and told me she'd take it. She shared that she and Jane were getting serious and taking the next step. I happily gave her my realtor's info to start the process. We had a beer, toasting to new beginnings. I recalled Bella's story about making friends everywhere, and asked Alice to exchange email addresses.

I took Monkey with me to the car lot, and we traded my Audi for a much less stuffy Jeep Wrangler, bright red. What can I say; I've always wanted one, and Monkey jumped right in, making himself at home on the passenger seat.

I left a message for my mother, who has yet to return my call. I don't know if my father told her anything about what happened Friday, but I'm not worried. The truth always comes out, and if she had nothing to do with my father's deceit and decides to have a true relationship with me, I'll consider it.

I searched and found the business card of a craftsman I met once, and he gave me the information and encouragement I needed.

As the morning of my departure starts letting itself be known by chirping birds and early sunlight, I make the last cup of coffee in my loft. I look around the space devoid of my belongings, which are tucked away in my storage unit. I know it will always be my home, wherever I end up. I look forward to one day returning, visiting Emmett's new family.

I sling my guitar over my shoulder, pick up my duffle bag, and bend down to clip Monkey's leash to his collar. We close the door behind us and don't look back.

Driving over the Texas border, I read the "You're now leaving Texas! Don't be a stranger!" sign, and part of me feels a twinge of sadness. Texas is the only home I've ever known, but the next sign reading "Welcome to Oklahoma! Discover the excellence!" pushes me forward. I smile, and lean over to rub Monkey's head. Only ten hours and twenty minutes to go.

* * *

The fairgrounds where the Parkville Missouri 17th Annual River Jam festival is taking place are jumping and alive with activity. Bands are playing; kids are running, the smell of grills cooking and cotton candy in the air.

The sun is starting to end its day, the sky magnificent. Purple and blue and pink and I can't think of a better backdrop for what lies ahead. The globes of the string lights above the walking lanes turn on and I make my way through the booths, Monkey happily trying to snatch up all of the spilled popcorn on the ground.

I've been told the location for what I'm searching for, and as I get closer my stomach knots in anticipation. I'm taking a huge step, a huge leap of faith and if it doesn't work out the way I hope, I'm not sure what I'll do next. That thought doesn't scare me the way it once might have.

Rounding the corner, using the landmark of a stained glass booth that was given to me, I slow my steps. I want to admire her before she sees me. I want to look at her, and I want to see her face the moment she realizes I'm here. Her expression will be the truest answer to the question I'm asking.

I nod to Jim and Delilah, sitting in their own booth surrounded by Jim's handiwork. The smiles I receive from them are like a big thumbs up and I feel confident this is going to go well. I don't stop to thank them for their part in this, I'm sure they understand my urgency.

Her booth is set apart from her camper this time, purple silk drapes hung on wires to separate her space from the ones on either side. The back is open, and I can see she arranged it so she can watch the jazz band up on stage. Tiny white lights run from a series of extension cords, hanging off the corners of the walls she's made. The lights catching and gleaming off of the shiny material. In the distance, you can hear the low hum of a generator.

Her back is to me and I watch as her body betrays her sedentary position, the urge to dance and swing to the music apparent. Her hair is down, flowing across her bare skin in big curls. The halter she's wearing tied low at the small of her back. My fingers itch to unravel her.

I bend down and untie my sneakers, removing them and my socks, and tuck them off to the side. Moving slowly, I walk towards her booth hoping Monkey picks up on my need for a quiet approach.

Standing not three feet away from her I imagine what she smells like, hoping it's the same scent that graced my sheets and invaded my senses. Her skirt, Indian in design, a flowy swirling thing bursting in orange and shiny sequins, is wrapped around her legs exposing feet as bare as mine.

Taking a big breath, I pick up one little cowboy bootie and exhale. As soon as I start speaking I see her whole body tighten up and still. "Excuse me, miss? Do you make these in my size? I seem to have misplaced my footwear." It feels like eons waiting for her to turn around.

Slowly, she shifts in her chair and the eyes I've been waiting to see meet mine. They're wide open, disbelieving.

I watch as she slowly stands, hand braced on the back of her chair, her face lighting up like the brightest Texas sun. My chest fills with the stammering of my heart, and I feel like I'm seeing daylight after being trapped in a cave for weeks.

She rounds the corner of the table slowly, pausing to look down at my bare feet, and I watch as tears form in her eyes. She adds a skip to her step and the next thing I know she's wrapped around me, legs, arms, hair, and I'm cocooned in a blanket of Bella.

Still holding Monkey's leash I drop it to the ground and place my foot on it, my arms not able to hold her quickly enough. We cling to each other; rocking, twisting. Her face is buried in my neck, I can feel the wetness from her cheeks and I inhale the scent of her hair until my lungs fill to bursting.

Pulling her head away from me, she looks into my eyes. I watch as small tears run down her cheeks and she tugs the hair growing long past my ears. "If you're not careful, you'll turn into a hippie." She whispers, moving her hand to my stubble covered cheek.

"I can think of nothing I'd rather be." Still holding her tightly, I lean into her, watching her wide teary eyes as I approach, and kiss her with all of the want and need I've felt for her since the moment she left.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

******This Is Not My Life by IsaKassees**

Follow Bella as she tries to survive a madman's abduction and keep a stranger's child from succumbing to his wild fantasies, and follow Edward as he tries to stay sane searching for his daughter taken right before his eyes.

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	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us." – John Steinbeck**_

The next time I'm with her, she's with me.

The festival is winding down, the crowds meandering out, happy and full of music and food. The night is clear and starry, but you can see faint trails of smoke rising from the grills that are being put to rest. Tonight is the last night of the festival, so there is constant activity from workers disassembling and cleaning.

I sat with Bella in her booth, holding her for the last hour, desperate to get her alone where we could talk for real. We fell into an easy camaraderie, like we had never been apart. The small talk we made about little things filled the time.

Bella showed me some new things she was making, and I introduced her to Monkey, and it was love at first sight for them both. Her level of happiness excited me, she seemed to be on another plane of her usual exuberance and I hoped it was because of me.

Finally, after what seems like forever, having to pack up Bella's stuff and take down her makeshift walls, we make our way to the camper, arms heavy with crates.

I feel a sudden shift in the air between us, as Bella asks, "Um, did you rent a hotel or something?" She looks away from me when she asks. She hasn't been able to take her eyes from me all night, and I wonder at this change in her demeanor.

"Actually, no. I was hoping you'd let me stay with you." I keep my eyes on her face and see the worry that was there fall from her features and she smiles, big.

"That's exactly what I was hoping you'd say." She keeps her smile shy as she looks down at the ground and I realize that even though I know how I've felt in our time apart, I really don't know what she might be thinking. Jim and Delilah reassured me on the phone that it was obvious to them that Bella had been missing me, and I'd like to think that was the truth.

Seeing the camper ahead of me makes me smile, my chest expanding in warmth. I missed this old thing; I missed seeing it at my building. Bella opens the door and I follow her in, Monkey behind me. It hasn't changed at all. There are still bits of unraveled sweater and the Indian scarves still hang from the windows. It's a welcoming sight.

We take a few minutes to put the crates away and Bella tells me we don't need to move until the morning. I look out the window and see there are a few campers and trailers near us, some people sitting out in front of them drinking beer and lighting fire pits.

I don't know where to start, I feel like I've been through so much since I've seen her and I have too much to tell her. Bella seems to sense my apprehension and takes the initiative, plopping down on her bed and patting it next to her until Monkey jumps up. He walks around in a circle for a moment on her bedding, finding his spot and curling up in the corner. Bella rubs his fur and then looks at me, patting the bed next to her again, summoning me.

I smile and sit down, and she turns her body to me, and crosses her legs Indian style.

"So…" I say, brilliantly.

"So, why are you here, Edward?" She smiles at me, her eyes shining.

"I'm here, Bella, for you."

Bella sucks in air and holds her breath. "I figured that. What I mean is. Why are you here, for me."

"I have a lot to tell you, Bella, a lot has happened. I've had a lot of confusion in my life since you left, a lot of upheaval. At the time, I didn't agree with your decision to leave. To let me figure things out on my own, but you were right." I grasp her hand in mine, entangling our fingers.

"I've made some changes in my life. Big ones. But the one constant, Bella, was you. I knew with each passing day that part of the reason I wanted to figure stuff out was because I wanted you. I can't imagine going through this new life of mine without you beside me the whole way."

I bring her fingers to my lips, kissing the tips and look directly into eyes that reflect the same longing as mine.

"I'm in love with you, Bella. I have been since we danced to "The Way We Were". I was just too caught up in someone else's idea of what my life was supposed to be to think I could ever have you." I laugh and watch as Bella brings her other hand to her mouth, her eyes beginning to glisten. "You're a little nuts, I have to say. You're unlike anyone I've ever known and sometimes, thinking of our differences scares me. But being without you is the scariest thing I can think of."

Bella sits and stares at me, before pulling her hand from her mouth. "Edward?"

"Yeah?" I say, apprehensively.

"Stop talking. I really need to jump you right now." Before I can agree, she launches herself into my lap and smashes her mouth into mine. It takes a second for me to catch up but I finally raise both hands to her thick hair and hold her to me. We kiss frantically, teeth and tongues in the way until Bella slows her assault, her lips gently on mine, taking their time.

She kisses me once, twice, and pulls away.

"I love you, Edward. I was so lost without you all of this time. I had never felt loneliness until I met you and then left you. Leaving you was the hardest goodbye I've ever had. Leaving you was the stupidest thing I've ever done. I know you think I was unaffected by it but you have to know it took every ounce of strength in me to tell you it was time for me to go. I had to leave so that you could find me. It was the only way I knew to make sure that you would figure out what you wanted. Please tell me this isn't temporary. Please tell me you're not just visiting me." Bella searches my eyes, hope and vulnerability warring inside her.

"I punched my father in the face. I rented my apartment. I traded my car in for a Jeep and I gave all of my suits away. I'm yours, Bella. I want nothing more than to experience life with you. I want to start living."

"You punched your father in the face?" She asks, disbelieving.

"I did. Now if you don't mind, he's the last thing I want to think about now that I have you here in my lap." Bella smiles, her eyes turning to lust and I move my hands down, sliding over the smooth skin of her back, feeling the curves of her spine. "I want to untie you. I want to unwrap you like a present." I move my mouth to her neck, placing a soft kiss followed by the tip of my tongue. I feel Bella shiver, as my hands reach the tie at the bottom of her shirt.

I loosen the two tails of white fabric, but don't pull them apart just yet. I let my fingers and hands splay over the skin I just uncovered, scratching my fingernails under the hem of her skirt just slightly.

"Oh god Edward, I missed your hands. I missed this." Bella moans quietly, almost reverently. She pulls back to look at me and that's when we hear, from the corner of the bed, a very short but effective bark.

Laughing, I reach around and gently pull Monkey's collar. He gets up immediately, tongue wagging and lets me guide him to the floor. Bella moves off my lap and I get up to move Monkey out of the room.

"Sorry buddy, I need a little alone time with Bella." Monkey sits in the hallway and cocks his head at me, before settling down and resting his head on his paws. Sliding the accordion door that separates the bedroom from the rest of the space, I turn back around to find Bella reaching up to untie the bow at the back of her neck.

"Don't. I want to do that." Bella halts her movements and I reach for her, snaking one arm around her back while the other moves to the knot keeping the rest of her shirt from allowing me to see her. I slowly pull the fabric open, releasing the top of her halter, but not exposing her to me just yet. I'm a weird kind of nervous and I need to take my time, I need to relish this moment, it feels so profound.

I pull her body impossibly closer to mine, trapping the shirt between us until I pull it from the side, sliding it out. I lean in to kiss her, my hand slipping between us to capture her breast. Bella whimpers softly and I pull away to look down at her luscious body, to my hand playing with her nipple. I rub gently, the peak hard and pleading in my hand. I move my head, kissing down her chin, trailing over her neck and collarbone until my mouth replaces my hand and I pull and suck on her nipple, her back arching, pushing herself further into my hungry mouth.

Her hands are fisting in my hair, holding me to her, as she leans down and kisses my forehead. It's such a sweet gesture, a gesture of affection. I want to pull her into my skin.

I move back up to meet her gaze, the intensity in her eyes making my heart jump. I feel her hands move from my hair, slowly skimming my rough cheeks, and down my shoulders and biceps. She moves them to the hem of my shirt and flutters them under, touching the bare skin at my sides. She pushes the shirt up from underneath and I raise my arms for her, dipping forward a little so she can clear the shirt over my head and she pulls the fabric from my body. Her hands instantly move to my chest, one warm hand rubbing over where my heart is beating frantically. I move my hand to match the position on her body, both of us smiling at the race going on underneath our overheated skin.

"Do you remember when I said you weren't my first time?" Bella says breathlessly as I move in to kiss her.

"Mmm hmm." I say, never letting my lips leave her skin. Bella sighs.

"This will be my first time with someone I love."

A feeling of despair that I didn't meet Bella first rushes over me, and Bella continues.

"I know you were in love before. It's ok."

"Oh Bella, beautiful crazy Bella, I might've thought it was love at the time. But this, what we have, is so much more. I'm finally going to be with the person I love for the first time too." I capture her mouth again with mine, stopping all words and move my hand down to her skirt, gathering the fabric and pulling it upwards. I graze her thigh with my hand and I feel her tremble. Reaching higher, I feel the fabric of her panties and move my hand to the front, feeling her want through the thin material. She moves her hips into my hand, pressing and giving herself to me.

I feel her starting to push her skirt down her hips and I move my hand out of the way, helping her lower the billowing material. As soon as it pools around her feet, she attacks the buttons on my jeans, her little fingers moving swiftly. She angles her head up and I press my mouth to hers, my tongue running over her lips until I feel the tip of her tongue touch mine. I groan into her mouth and kick at my pants, forcing them down my legs. Never letting my mouth leave hers, I step on the hems, freeing my still bare feet and push her the small distance to her bed.

She flops down on her back and I'm over her instantly, my mouth moving over her skin and licking every part that's exposed to me. Up and down her chest, over her nipples, around the side to taste her tattoo. I suck at an ivy leaf and Bella throws her hands over her head, making her body stretch and writhe underneath me. I press my hard cock against her calf and she moves her leg, running it over the material of my boxers. I blindly reach for her underwear and pull them over her hips, separating our bodies for a moment to continue their path off of her body. Flinging them somewhere away behind me, Bella reaches for my own underwear and releases my cock, her fingers swirling around the head making me thrust into her warm palm.

I can't wait to be inside her any longer, not even caring my boxers aren't all the way off, and move up her body and nudge myself towards her pussy. The contact of my dick on her makes her shudder and groan, her legs instantly parting and rising high on my hips. My body settles into the space she's created for me, and I tease her a little before she grabs my ass and tries to push me in.

"Impatient, are we?" I murmur smiling into her neck.

Bella doesn't answer, just undulates her body so that she's moving her pussy fast over my cock, driving me crazy. I give in, and pulling away from her neck I look at her face, full of desire for me, and watch her mouth open slightly as I push inside.

The feeling of being inside her again is overwhelming, and I stop myself from going further, trying to ward off coming too fast. Bella whimpers a little at me and tries to move.

"Bella, I swear, I can't. Just hold on." I grunt, "You just feel so damn good."

Bella stills under me, and runs her hands up my back and to my shoulders. I lean in to kiss her, and she flings her arms around my neck, pulling me closer. I lose myself in her mouth for a while, and then slowly start to move inside her. She doesn't let go of me, keeping our mouths pressed tightly together as her legs move higher up my hips to skim my sides.

She pulls her mouth away from mine slightly and whispers, our lips still touching. "Edward, please fuck me. I need it. Hard. I need you."

With a groan I pull my upper body from hers and quickly grab her legs, pulling one and then the other from around me. I hook the backs of her knees into my bent arms, and press my hands to the bed. Bella gasps, and I start thrusting into her, harder just like she asked.

"Oh god. Oh wow." She barely gets out as I'm pushing her body back and forth across the sheets. After a few moments of fierce fucking, I release her legs and slide out of her, her moans protesting. I quickly slide my boxers all the way off and move back onto my knees, between her legs. I pull her body up by her ribcage and she holds onto my shoulders. Moving my hands to her ass, I gently pull her up, her pussy grazing my aching cock while she moves her legs to circle me. I guide her onto me, my cock slipping in easily, and begin to move her over me. She quickly wraps her arms around my neck, holding onto her own elbows with opposite hands and presses her breasts into me. I can feel her hard nipples against my skin where they rub and crush into me.

I'm filling her with myself, so fucking happy to be back in her presence at all, but especially like this. Knowing that we're here, together, really together, makes me lose it. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to control the intense feeling of my impending orgasm when Bella shimmies her hips at just the right angle for her to start coming. She's gasping and panting, her lips touching my cheek, her breath warming my skin. We breathe into each other, murmuring words of pleasure and lust and love.

I feel her tighten around me, her legs and her pussy, and my balls explode in white hot need, pulsing and jerking in her, filling her full of me. I grasp her hips and move her to make her come hard, and then I grasp tight to still us, and wait for the last pulse to escape me. I open my eyes slowly and see her, beautiful and flushed and thoroughly fucked.

But her eyes, her eyes are full of love and in that moment, my heart is too big for my chest.

"You're everything Shutterbug."

* * *

"Wow. I would've punched him too." Bella says from her spot on the bed. She's lying between my legs, head on her arms, resting on my stomach. I'm lazily playing with one of Bella's droopy curls and petting Monkey with the other, who has curled up next to us.

"There's one more thing." I swallow and look down, not wanting to meet her eyes. "He said something about you to me, though, Bella."

"Me? What about me?" I can feel her stiffen and her voice gets tight.

I don't believe what he said, not for a minute, but I'd be a fool not to make sure, one hundred percent sure. "He told me who your father was. It made me understand a lot about how you reacted to learning my career aspirations. It explains why you were so distant after you met them and found out who my father was. You do know who yours was, don't you?" Horror fills me as I think maybe I know something she doesn't, or isn't interested in knowing.

"Yes. I do." Bella pause. "It makes absolutely no difference to me if he were a butcher." As she says this, Bella's voice turns slightly aggressive. I'm not sure if it's because I've brought up Charles Swan or if it's because she has a feeling there's more.

"I agree. What your father did to your mother was reprehensible. Absolutely. There are stories though, stories I grew up hearing." Bella turns over onto her back, pulling the sheet up to cover herself. Shielding.

"Go ahead."

"I want you to know, the only truth for me is the one you told me in the window of my loft. That's it Bella, that's it. Nothing else." I shift down a little and rise up on my elbow so I can see her face. "My father told me a horrible lie, that your mother blackmailed your father, planned the whole thing. Seduced him knowing he was married, all for money."

Bella is silent, her chest rising and falling with her breath. "That's not true."

I stroke her face, her cheek, her hair. "I know it's not. He tried to tell me you did the same thing. That you knew who we were and that the reason you were gone that day after meeting them was because you approached him. For money." I lean down and kiss her temple. "Please believe me, Bella, not for one moment do I think he was anything but a desperate man trying to control the situation he felt falling apart. He had to come up with something, but what he didn't realize was that I wasn't going to fall for another lie. He didn't know what I knew, that I loved you, and there was no way I would've ever believed you would ever do that to me."

Getting up quickly from the bed, Bella walks out of the bedroom into her living space. My heart panics a moment, until she returns holding out her phone. She presses some buttons and then turns the phone so I can see its face.

A display from Texas Capital Bank is in front of me and I look to see Bella's name on the account. She has two accounts, one checking with a few thousand dollars in it, and one savings holding a little under three million dollars.

My eyes widen and I swallow. Looking up to Bella, I notice her face has softened, her features understanding my confusion. "The business I had in Dallas with my mother's will, this was it." Bella sits back down on the bed and leans against my legs.

"The man that impregnated my mother, Charles Swan, left me money when he died. It transferred to my mother since I wasn't of age when it happened. When my mother died, all of her assets, there weren't much, went to me, obviously. I knew about the money he left for me, she had told me. It was under her control until I turned twenty-one, never thinking she'd leave me before that. We didn't really touch it, every once in a while, but for the most part, we really did get by just fine by ourselves. I asked her why she accepted the money at all and she said that he owed it, not to her, but to me. Once he was gone, what could we really do but take it for what it was." Bella places her phone beside her and turns her body to face me. "He made amends as best he could to my mother."

"I had been avoiding signing the paperwork regarding my mother's will, I met you and decided Houston was a pretty great place. I put off wanting to go to Dallas until the night I met your folks. That night I knew I'd never be able to live there, to be a part of your life, the life you had mapped out. I went to Dallas that next day; I didn't run errands or do laundry. I got that all straightened out because I knew it was time to go. I loved you and knew I'd be nothing in your parent's eyes. I couldn't ask you to be with me until you knew what you wanted out of your own life."

Bella finishes and shrugs her shoulders. "I didn't see your father after that night at the restaurant. I don't need your father's money, and honestly, I know what people think of the way I live. I don't feel the need to try and prove myself worthy by flashing my bank account. I never told you simply because I really don't think about it."

My head is swimming with the knowledge that all this time, I worried about Bella and how she made a living. "All those times I questioned you about money and if you were ok."

Smiling, Bella pinches my cheek. "I liked that you worried a little bit. Made me feel like you liked me."

"Jesus Bella, I was worried sick most of the time. I thought you couldn't afford the B&B and did the painting so you could stay there while your friends used your camper…"

"I wanted to help her, she was nice." Bella interrupts, matter-of-factly.

I'm trying to think of all the instances I maybe now saw incorrectly. "The bracelet" is all I say before I jump up off the bed and grab my jeans off the floor. Locating the front pocket, I jam my hand in and bring it back out holding the little velvet pouch.

Bella watches me curiously as I sit back down and hold it out to her.

"I got this for you, what feels like a long time ago. I thought you wanted it but couldn't afford it. The way you looked at it…so longingly."

Bella opens the pouch and shakes the bracelet into her hand. Once she sees what it is, her breath hitches and she looks at me, her eyes starting to fill. "Oh Edward. What did I say to you that day, when we found it?"

"I think you said it reminded you of my eyes."

"That's why I didn't buy it. I knew then that I couldn't let myself have something that made me think of you once we weren't together. I knew I couldn't live with that reminder of you without it breaking my heart."

There is nothing to say to that, so I just pull her to me, kissing her with everything that I have.

* * *

"It's just so big." Bella says, her eyes wide and staring.

"Yes, it is. See what happens when I do this?" I smile, moving my hand up.

"Oh my god it just keeps getting bigger? What do you expect me to do with it all?"

"We'll put it to good use, I'm not worried."

I close the door behind me and walk down the mechanical steps to where Bella stands. Putting my arm around her shoulders, she embraces me around my middle and squeezes as we look up at the giant gray RV in the dealer's lot, just outside of Denver.

"It has two bedrooms."

"Yup."

"It has a flat screen TV in a separate living room."

"Yup."

"It has sides that move in and out creating more room."

"Yup."

"It has granite countertops for heaven's sake, and a full kitchen."

"Yup and yup."

Pausing, Bella leans her head on my shoulder. "I've never had such a permanent home before." She says wistfully and leans up for a kiss.

I reach down her body and run my hand over my favorite ruffled skirt. "The thought of living in this thing permanently makes my neck itch." I smile down at my future and she looks back up to me, grinning.

* * *

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**From the planetblue Archive of Awesome Fic List:**

**I'm devoting this installment to some of my favorite fics that would've made the cut at the end of a chapter, but sadly, have been pulled. You can still find them, if you're diligent. But I didn't tell you that! :) In no particular order:**

**Master of the Universe**

**The Submissive/The Dominant**

**Emancipation Proclamation**

**Wide Awake**

**The Workshop A Tale of Edible Delights**

**The Forbidden Room**

**The Office**

**The Misapprehension of Bella Swan**

**The Lost Boys**

**Clipped Wings and Inked Armor **

**Hydraulic Level 5**

**_I'd love to know what you think, please leave me a review! _**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 - Epilogue**

_for grabadietcoke, 4eva_

"_**It is never too late to be who you might have been." – George Eliot**_

_**Sometime in the future…**_

I'm currently sitting in the classroom I'm occupying this semester at the University of Montana, preparing my lecture notes. Mount Sentinel, with it's giant white "M" erected in it's side, keeps watch over the Main Hall building, and I find the beautiful scenery cause for distraction. I've seen more of the United States than I ever imagined I would, the new and different landscapes get me every time.

I'm a lucky man.

I've driven on the famed Route 66. I've witnessed a traditional Native American Rain Dance. I've fed the homeless in Detroit. I've met people I would never have crossed paths with otherwise. I feel blessed in a way my privileged upbringing never showed me.

Life with Bella is…well it's interesting. Every day my girl has me on my toes, whether she's trying to make me do yoga on the California sand or learn how to blow glass in a mill located in Pennsylvania. We've made slow, easy love under giant redwoods and fucked frantically outside of a grocery store in Reno.

I take joy in her energy, I feed off of it. I've experienced life in a way that I never knew was open to me, and I like to think that she's learned some from me too. That wearing boots in the winter while in North Dakota is probably smart and that when you're out in the middle of the New Mexico desert, living in a luxury RV instead of a dilapidated camper doesn't suck.

Soon after reuniting in Missouri and spending time in Denver, we went to California where I completed my law program and received my Juris Doctor degree. I then obtained my Masters in education, which I was able to do online. I've been fortunate to be offered a few guest professorships teaching law and ethics at various Universities and Community colleges. This works out well for us, as during the fall and spring, we can settle for a while wherever I've accepted a teaching position, and in the summer we can travel around to wherever strikes Bella's fancy. Sometimes the locations coincide with a music festival or some other type of fair, and sometimes she just chooses what sounds interesting. Here in Big Fork, she's started a program that will last a few months, teaching children pottery at the local community center.

On weekends, Bella comes to listen to me play in whatever little bar or coffee shop that will have me. She sits in the front row and sways, trying to keep her off key voice down and I just laugh, taking delight in everything about her.

Rosalie gave birth to a very healthy and beautiful baby boy. When Emmett saw the half Asian child resting upon his glowing wife's stomach, his first words, according to Rosalie were, 'I can't wait to teach our son how to surf!' A few weeks later I received an email of the birth announcement, introducing Michael Edward McCarty to the world. Mom and dad smiling like goons down at their child like no one had ever had one before. I was thrilled when I received the call from Eloise that she had accepted a position as the McCarty's new housekeeper and nanny.

Upon getting the news that Eloise was leaving their employment after almost thirty years of service, my mother was forced to open her eyes. She finally came to understand the distaste Eloise felt in regards to how they treated me, and learned that she had stayed on with them only because I had still been in their lives.

My mother also learned the truth about what my father had done. She claims not to have known the extent he went to in the past, and apparently he kept our last discussion to himself for days after I left until he realized I would tell her my version. She stands behind him in her outlook that I've thrown good opportunities away, and has tried to embrace the fact that I'm no longer that man. She says all she wants for me now is whatever will make me happy. I choose to believe her. We have formed a tenuous relationship and we speak every few weeks.

I have not had a single exchange with the man who I probably owe my happiness to. Without him and his manipulations, I'd still be there, hating a world I didn't really fit into. I hope someday to be able to introduce my children to him, but the relationship will remain one of a careful guardedness, and will be on my terms.

A few months ago, I was flipping through the channels with Monkey on a lazy day outside of Seattle, waiting for Bella to get back from something called a Zumba lesson when I landed on CNN. I was not entirely surprised to see Tanya, smiling and resplendent in her Chanel suit. She was on the arm of her new husband, Governor elect for Alabama, Michael Newton. A certain gold shamrock was absent from her neck, and all I could hope was that she was happy. She had gotten what she wanted.

I've gotten my happy ending.

Stumbling across Bella, barefoot in Texas, was nothing I thought I wanted, and everything I could've hoped for. I've found a peace within myself with her I never knew I could achieve. Being with someone that was made for you is the most precious thing, and I wish that everyone in the world could find what I've found.

Knowing and loving Bella gave me the truest gift of all. The need to discover who I truly was, the hunger to find out what I really wanted, and the ability to go for it.

And if Bella wants to get married at some weird Burning Man ceremony or some Slavic ice ritual, my neck might itch, but I'll do it with a smile on my face.

_**- The End -**_

* * *

I don't want to bore you all and drag this out with a lengthy a/n, but I do have a few things to say, if you'd be so kind to give me a few more moments.

**_First of all, to be accepted as an author in a fandom I love as a reader has been one of the best gifts of my life._**

**I love every single one of my reviewers.** From the ones I heard from sporadically, to the ones that were there every chapter. I enjoyed every single one of your reviews, and if you didn't get a reply back, you might've been signed in as "guest". That does not mean I didn't appreciate you. The love you showed for my story is phenomenal, and my gratitude to and for you is beyond measure. I can't call out just a few of you, you all are #1 in my eyes.

**To the girls on Facebook** who really pimped me and cheered and cried, you've made this experience truly unforgettable.

**To the kids on Twitter** who answered my questions and put up with my own pimping and silly trivial facts, I hope you'll continue to let me annoy you.

**Rochelle Allison** and **Coldplaywhore**, I cannot thank you enough for your support, friendship, and the advice you've given me as a first time author with nothing behind me to prove myself worthy of your attention.

**Caren and the ladies at The Fictionators, Evilnat and the ladies at The Lemonade Stand**, I had no idea going in that my dream of being featured on your sites would ever come to fruition, especially more than once. Thank you for your pimping and support. Blows me away.

**Grabadietcoke. **What can I say to you? You are my soulmate, my 4eva, and this entire thing would never have happened if it weren't for you. You made my words pretty and you made me confident.

* * *

OK sounds like i'm writing my own memorial service or Oscar speech or something. Sorry. I'm done. :)

Put me on author alert if you'd like to be aware when I post my new story! **_That's right, I'm at it again._**


	23. A Future

**This glimpse into the future is for my girl, Carrie ZM. Words aren't strong enough to tell you how much you mean to me. I thank the stars every day that you came into my life. **

**I hope it's everything you wanted it to be. Happy birthday. ILY. (And you thought I wasn't listening all those months ago.)**

* * *

_**July 2018**_

The Mexican sun dances across the water, the waves of the Pacific Ocean calm and blue, peppered with people enjoying the end of a brilliant beach day. Seagulls fly and squawk overhead, making themselves part of the activity.

I raise my face to the sun, squinting at its brightness even in the late hour, and revel in the warmth on my skin. I look back up to see the forms of my two people moving towards me, and the warmth spreads further through my body, surrounding me like wildfire.

"Daddy! Daddy! Did you see what I made?" Forty pounds of girl lands on my chest and flattens me, sending sand flying.

"I did. That's the biggest castle I've ever seen. I bet they can see it from space." I kiss her salty curls, and she pushes off of me to sit up on my chest. Her little hands get busy, proceeding to push her wild hair off of her sweaty face.

"Can they see it from the moon?"

"Absolutely."

"Ok. Can I play with my doll now? She needs to go swimming. She's very hot." She scrambles off me, moving under the umbrella where I've dug a pond in the sand for her Barbie.

A moment later, one hundred and fifteen pounds of girl lands on me and flattens me once again.

This time, the girl kisses me.

"You're getting burned, Shutterbug." I move my fingers delicately over her sandy shoulder, leaving a white fingerprint when I press down.

"I know. The sunscreen washed off a while ago. I just didn't want to miss out on the BIGGEST SANDCASTLE EVER!" She yells the last part, mimicking our five year old birthday girl.

"I guess it's time to pack it in, huh?" I don't move to start that activity, instead, I keep enjoying the feel of my bikini clad Bella lying on top of me. Her sun kissed body molds to mine like it always does. I'll never get tired of her.

"We've got a long way to go tomorrow. Are you sure you don't want me to take the wheel?" Her fingers pinch my sides and I squirm, laughing.

"Uh, no. Definitely not. I want us all to arrive at the house and settle in before her first day of school in one piece."

"Well that certainly isn't tomorrow. It's only July." She snickers.

"I'd rather not spend the next month in the hospital." I grin, watching her brows furrow as she gets frustrated with me.

"We have plenty of time, we're taking the scenic route, remember? I can definitely drive from La Paz to Arizona." The plan is to drive through one of the few states we hadn't been to yet in our extensive travels. We're going to see some of the stores selling Bella's new handmade jewelry line, and to hit the Highland Celtic Festival while we're there.

I laugh, "Bella, you can't drive a straight line in that house on wheels."

She smirks and we fall silent, her fingers lazily pushing the sand on my chest around, brushing it this way and that. "I haven't driven in five years."

"And we're all truly thankful for that." I take the opportunity to pass my hands over her damp bikini bottom, and she swats my hand away.

"You know, you've come a long way from the uptight suit-man I fell in love with, but you've still got some improvements to make." I let her pout for a moment until I lift my head to kiss her beautiful mouth, and she kisses me back, mood lifted. A girly squeal interrupts us, and we both sit up to watch our daughter splash Barbie into her pool. I run my hand across Bella's barely showing stomach, smiling.

_**July 2017**_

The road stretches long before me, heat rising up from the asphalt, making those watery mirages that disappear as you get closer. The palm trees that dot Florida's highways sway in a breeze that only they seem to catch, causing me to open the small side window to try to see if I can experience some of it myself.

"I think it's time we thought about settling down." Bella whispers as she crawls into the seat next to me as we make our way down I-75. We've just finished a scorching hot birthday celebration of princesses and Disney characters, causing our daughter to pass out immediately on her bed in the back of the RV. Her fairy princess Minnie ears still stuck firmly to her head, while Monkey cuddled up against her side.

"I'm sorry? I don't think I heard you correctly." I turn with my eyes wide, disbelief playing over my face. I try hard not to laugh at the Bella I see, still clad in her own Mickey ears. She never ceases to enthrall and enrapture me.

She sighs next to me. "I know this nomadic lifestyle has been wonderful. Great, even. I've enjoyed every minute of it, and we've agreed it's important for Jolie to experience lots of different things. But I think there's something to be said for the way you grew up too. I want her to know all sorts of life, and maybe that means staying in one place for a while."

"What did you do with my wife?" I chuckle, and reach my hand out looking for hers.

She grabs mine, swinging it back and forth between us. "Apparently, I've been abducted by aliens. Seriously, though. She's going to be starting school next year, and I know we haven't really discussed it, but I see things differently now that I'm a parent."

The precious purple butterfly necklace swings from the rearview mirror, catching my eye, and I squeeze her hand. "Bella, Renee gave you a great life."

She squeezes back, and I catch her glancing at the necklace as well. "No, I know that. I'm not questioning my own upbringing. Maybe there's something to be said about planting roots. We can always settle down for a year and see what we think."

"A year isn't so long." I agree, thoughts of where we'd end up swirling in my head. Twelve months gives me plenty of time to land a long term teaching position, something I haven't had before. The thought excites me. "I know exactly where I want to go." I turn, smiling at her, only to see her smiling back at me.

"Without question."

_**July 2016 **_

"Merci." I answer as the waiter delivers my wine, and I frown at the almost empty cheese plate in front of me. I'm proud that after two months I'm able to identify each type by flavor and smell alone. I've become somewhat of a cheese snob, and unfortunately have inflicted my expensive tastes on my daughter. She sits happily bouncing on my leg as she fists a crumble of farmhouse Cantal.

I smile as I look at her, charmed like everyone else seems to become when they meet my beautiful three year old. Wherever we go, people are taken by her; by her curls and rosy, dimpled cheeks. A trait from her Grandma, Bella has pointed out to me, through the handful of pictures she has of Renee. It's a pitiful collection, a collection containing mainly adult photos, and very few of her as a child due to Renee's uninterested father. Bella and I try to rectify this in Renee's honor by the never ending photo opportunities Jolie suffers through. Our child is probably the most documented child to have ever been born.

Strangers love to speak French words to her, to listen to her parrot them back excitedly in her little girl voice. She has picked up quite a vocabulary, telling waiters what she would like to drink, or saying please and thank you to shop vendors in their native language. At this moment, a little boy seated at the table next to us is making Jolie laugh by making faces and sticking out his tongue at her.

I feel Bella approaching, as I always can, and the object of my affection walks excitedly towards us. Her hair twisted to the side in a low ponytail, a blue beret perched on her head at the perfect angle. She rests her easel, paint boxes and black leather portfolio against the tree next to our table before reaching out to Jolie. Bella places both hands on her daughter's face, placing two sloppy kisses on her cheeks before leaning in and giving me the adult version.

"You taste like wine and cheese. Delicious." She whispers, before hijacking my glass and settling into the seat next to me.

"How was today?" I ask, signaling the waiter over to order another glass and more cheese.

"Oh, Edward I'm truly inspired. I think I've finally found the one subject I can perfect. The male form." Her cheeks are pink from excitement.

"Um, excuse me? You were painting naked men today?"

"Yes!" Bella's hands start moving wildly as she speaks, wine sloshing. "Oh just trying to get the planes and muscles correct, it was so challenging but I really got into it."

"And this model was good looking, I assume?" Teasing with my jealousy.

"He had nothing on you, baby. In fact," Bella leans closer to me over the table, causing her white paint splattered t-shirt to gap at the neckline and give me a glimpse of her own splendid form. "I think it would be quite beneficial if I got to practice some later at the flat."

I grab my wife by the back of her neck before whispering, "I think that can be arranged." And proceed to pull her into a very promising kiss.

French, of course.

_**July 2015 **_

I walk skeptically around the people sitting on the ground, either on the bare earth or on handmade woven rugs made of brightly colored yarns. I've gotten used to being in an environment such as this, one of art and spirituality, but part of it still makes my neck itch. I wonder how long it's been since most of these people bathed.

I follow an exuberant Bella through the "Lightening in a Bottle" festival taking place in Lake Skinner, California. A Bella that fits in perfectly with her colorful Indian skirt and pink tank top; strings of fabric bought from the various vendors tied up and down both her tanned arms.

Jolie gurgles happily, strapped to Bella's chest. Her carrier also adorned with colorful scarves and jingly pieces of jewelry pinned to the back, far from our baby's curious hands. I might've checked more than once to ensure she couldn't reach them, that is until Bella finally reached her level of tolerance of my over protectiveness, and pushed my hands away.

It's been an interesting two days, filled with chanting and yoga and learning to become one with the earth. There's continuous music, some I've enjoyed, like the folk band, and some designed to drive me crazy like the weird yodeling trio. I can't lie, I've tried to hole up in the RV to catch the Rangers game more than once, but as Bella always says, you can only experience things for the first time, once. Good guy that I am, I follow along and wear my own turquoise ribbon that Bella has tied in the short, "manly" ponytail she's talked me into sporting. She says it hot, I say it's annoying. At least I match Monkey, who's been subjected to a turquoise bandanna tied loosely around his neck as well.

* * *

A single guitar player strums softly in the warm evening air, lightening bugs competing with the soft globes strung across poles and candles that dot the floor. A Native American tribesman accompanies him after a moment on his Taos drum, his weathered hands beating a soft rhythm that matches the guitar beautifully. New friends and strangers are gathered around the Sacred Fire, and all eyes turn when the guitarist switches to a lax version of the traditional wedding march I insisted upon.

Bella. She moves towards me like a spirit, her white sheer dress fluttering behind her, wavy hair loose and tied sporadically in braids and interwoven with flowers. Her feet are bare, making me smile, showing off her newest tattoo of ivy that flows down her foot and curls around her toes. In her arms is our sunshine, our creation, and I feel myself falling into the otherworldly aura this moment has created. I try to forget that I, Edward Cullen, just used the word aura and I finger the legal document from the civil ceremony I insisted upon in my pocket. I laugh to myself, figuring I'll never truly lose the old me.

As she reaches me, she hands Jolie off to the medicine woman Bella has befriended over the last few days, the one teaching homeopathic remedies. Everyone else is forgotten in my mind and the world drops away as her hands reach for mine. We hold onto each other, intertwining fingers, intertwining our lives.

"Nice tie." Bella smirks at me, breaking our connection a moment to fiddle with the black bowtie I'm sporting with my white linen shirt.

"You didn't think I'd be able to attend a wedding without a tie, did you? I thought you'd get a kick out of it. Oh, and the footwear." She looks down and laughs, seeing my khaki pants rolled up showing off feet as bare as hers.

"I love it." Her hand finds mine again. "And I love you."

We listen as spiritual words are spoken by the medicine woman's Hopi husband, about earth and partnerships and being one. I listen with one ear, too distracted by the beauty of my Shutterbug before me. Visions of meeting her for the first time flit through my head, dancing on the grass in a park, kissing her for the first time in an enchanted garden, until Bella breaks my train of thought and begins speaking. We had decided not to share what we'd say, and she being the person she is, decided we shouldn't plan it, and just say what we feel at that moment.

She squeezes my hands and begins. "I was moving through life, exploring and thinking it was everything I needed. And then I found you. Since then, I know I've been living a true life. You have made me complete. You have made me safe, you have made me fulfilled." She leans up to kiss me gently, before pulling away. "I'll love you forever, my Edward."

Any apprehension I had about speaking my heart in front of a bunch of strangers, any doubt in my mind of what I thought I wanted to say leaves me, and all I can see is her.

"Shutterbug. You say I made you complete, safe, fulfilled. You have done the same for me," I begin to choke up, my hands glancing down to our joined fingers clasping tightly around each other's before I raise my head back up to look at her. "But what you've done for me, can never be matched. You _saved_ me. I love you, my beautiful, crazy, Bella. More than I'll ever be able to tell you."

The tears that had been pooling in her eyes escape, and she lets them fall down her cheeks. Her smile is all I see as I feel her arms circle my neck, pulling me to her for a kiss way too passionate to share with people you don't know. I hold her to me tightly, leaving her no chance to doubt how much I love her, and break the kiss, whispering in her ear. "The rest is just for you." I swallow and bury my face in her hair. "You gave me you, and you gave me Jolie. I'm the richest man I know." I hear her sniffle into my neck, and feel her tears on my skin.

"Oh!" I hear her exclaim before breaking away and grabbing for our baby, holding her between us. There is clapping and singing and cheering surrounding us, but all I care about is raising my arms to enclose and protect my entire life.

_**July 2014 **_

"Dude, can I sleep in here while you stay in the house?" Emmett climbs up into the RV before I've even turned the engine off.

"Only if I keep the keys." I stand and look at my best friend, and we just smile at each other for a moment before he walks to me and roughly pulls me into a hug. I slap him on the back, truly happy to be in his presence again. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed him these past few years. Being back in Texas is strange, I feel like a visitor when I've felt at home all over the country. I chalk it up to nerves.

"You look good. You look really happy." He says as he pulls back, taking in my ratty sneakers, shorts, and the infamous Marley t-shirt. "Even if you did steal my shirt."

"Emmett!" I hear Bella call as she walks from the back of the RV with Jolie in her arms and Monkey trailing behind.

"Holy shit! She's so much bigger than she was in the last picture! Look at that hair!" Emmett kisses Bella on the cheek and runs his hands over Jolie's already unruly head of hair.

"You want to watch the language in front of my baby?" I ask and he just blows me off, taking her from Bella. To see this big man child cradle her so carefully reminds me of just how well fatherhood suits Emmett.

"Rose and Eloise are probably dying in there, I'm sure. Let's go." He climbs down the stairs carefully and I follow Bella out and up the walkway to a large Spanish style home. They had it custom built when they found out they were expecting baby number two, the beautiful Emily, born shortly after Jolie.

The mention of Eloise speeds my steps and when we walk through the door, Rose hugs Bella and I tightly before taking Jolie from Emmett, cooing and leading Bella towards where I assume the kids are. They're already gossiping and comparing baby notes as they go.

I hear a sniffle coming from down the hall behind me, and I turn, holding back my own overwhelming emotions as I'm engulfed in the familiar hug of my former nanny. She releases me but keeps her hands on my arms, looking me up and down. "Oh my boy, look at you! Such a man, with a beautiful woman to love and a baby! Oh your parents are going to be so proud of you!"

"Eloise! You get more beautiful every passing year. When are you going to join us on the road?" I joke, knowing she'd never do it.

"Please. I can't leave these three with Emmett in charge." She laughs and rubs my arms once more before letting go.

I pause, and she waits, always knowing when I have something to say. "How are they?" I ask. Eloise has been splitting her time between Emmett's family and helping my mother as much as possible since the stroke Carlisle suffered four months ago.

"Oh, they're just fine. They're excited to see you. Carlisle has been working his arms like a crazy man just so he can hold his grandbaby."

I take a deep breath, trying to ease the steel cage that has wrapped itself around my abdomen at the mention of my father. Shortly after Jolie's birth, Bella and I received a letter from him, written in his sure, arrogant hand, congratulating us but not offering any sort of apology or remorse for his actions. That letter went unanswered.

Then the emails started from my mother, asking for me to end this feud. She didn't want to miss out on my life, on knowing Bella and Jolie. It took a while for me to get to the point where I believed that at least Esme had accepted my choice in lifestyle. It was Bella that returned my mother's emails. She then started to send pictures of Jolie to her, and an email pen pal relationship began. Bella read them to me, words from my mother about my father's repentance but his inability to come to me with them himself.

When the stroke happened, and I'd learned he'd lost most of his speech ability, I felt a bit of sadness that I wasn't going to be able to hear an apology from him for what could be a long time. I wasn't stupid, I also thought that perhaps I'd never hear it regardless, but I knew then that it was time to return home as soon as my term ended, apology or not. I still have not spoken or exchanged a word with my father since that day I left him on his office floor, bleeding from my fist.

Even though I feel apprehension and a bit of lingering anger, I'm also looking forward to just putting it behind me and moving forward with my life without the animosity hanging over my head. Life with Bella and Jolie has made me see that living should be done in the moment, and there couldn't be time spent focused on long term grudges.

We're gathered around the coffee table in the large kitchen and family room, watching their son Michael play and the babies laying on the blanket squealing and reaching for each other. These people are my family, this is what love is, and it warms my heart to look at Bella and for the hundredth time know that I found the right family for me.

* * *

"What the hell do you have on?" I ask as I move through the RV to our bedroom, preparing to dress Jolie to meet her grandparents for the first time. There was no reason to move all of our clothes while we stay in Emmett's guest room, so we're in here getting ready.

"It's a blouse and navy slacks."

"I see that. I can't even imagine where you got them."

"Rose lent them to me." She looks back at the mirror and adjusts the shirt, the unfamiliar stiffness evident on her face.

"We're not doing this." I proceed to lay Jolie on the bed and Bella watches as I put on her black and white striped tights, Bella's favorite pink tutu, and the tie-dye baby t-shirt we got in Woodstock, NY.

Bella looks at the ripped jeans, well-traveled Converse and white t-shirt I'm wearing and smiles. "Thank God." She quickly rids herself of her foreign attire and puts on one of her favorite dresses, the lacey one she wears with an old belt of mine cinched around her waist. "Let's go meet the grandparents!" She says excitedly, and picks Jolie up heading towards the door.

"I decided we're not taking Emmett's car. This is our home. If they want us, they get everything about us."

"I love everything about us." She says with a smile.

"Me too."

* * *

Bella presses the doorbell and the intimidating chimes ring throughout the foyer. She's holding my hand while the other cradles Jolie who is nestled against her chest, in her sling. I laugh internally at the image we're about to present, and I think Bella has the same thought as she squeezes my hand and smirks at me.

My mother answers the door, and even though I've seen recent pictures of her, she's aged more than the pictures showed. What surprises me most though is seeing the stoic nature she's sported most of her life completely washed away as her eyes well up and she openly sobs my name.

A hug from Esme was never motherly, and this one is still stiff, but so is the one I return. She lingers much longer than she ever had, and I feel myself easing into her embrace, and I feel her body relax against mine in return.

Her hug to Bella isn't forced; it appears to be more affectionate, probably due to their growing rapport over the past year. She ushers us in and excitedly peeks at Jolie, asleep in the sling, and her eyes well up again. "Thank you for this, for coming."

"I want Jolie to know you. To meet him, even if it's just once and she won't remember." My mother looks sad at my words but nods.

"He's not the man you knew, Edward. He's frail and damaged. He refuses to see anyone, old colleagues, old family friends. He has me or his nurse flip through old photo albums for him, mostly, of you."

I'm stunned by this bit of information, and Bella glances at me, gauging my reaction. I keep my emotion to myself as I'm unable to process what that might mean. Esme leads us down the hall towards the study, and a maid follows us, carrying a tray of sweet tea and sandwiches.

The once intimidating force of Carlisle's study has been turned into a hospital room, since he can no longer make the journey to the master bedroom on the second floor. It has an air of weakness and staleness, in complete opposition from the last time I was in here. I avoid looking at the infirmary style bed I assume he's in, so I look around and am surprised to see Carlisle where I don't expect him, sitting on the leather sofa, watching us.

"Carlisle, Sweetheart, look who's here." Esme says and walks to him, motioning for the maid to put the tray down on the table. "Edward is home. And he's brought Bella and the baby." When our eyes meet, I see something I've never seen before. He looks happy. It hadn't occurred to me until then that I don't really know much about where he might be mentally, but I see recognition.

"Hello, Carlisle." I say stiffly, and sit across from him on the other sofa. His lips move and he appears to want to say something but nothing comes out. He looks to Bella as she sits next to me, and I see a small smile on his lips. She reaches for his hand and grasps it, and I watch as he squeezes her back.

"Would you like to meet your granddaughter?" Bella says as she takes her hand back and releases an awake but still sleepy Jolie from the sling. She sits her up on her knee so Carlisle can see her fully. The small smile forms again as he looks at my daughter and my mother asks if she can hold her. Bella hands her over without hesitation, and my mother cradles her to her chest, kissing her head and fingering the pink tutu.

"Oh she's just beautiful. She looks like you, Bella."

"She looks like my mother." Memories of what they thought of Bella's mother fly through my brain. I smile at Bella being Bella, purposefully mentioning her in the company of my parents, truly proud of the woman who raised her.

"Yes, I can see that." My mother answers, a bit ashamed, which she should be quite frankly, but continues to smile and laugh at Jolie, who is wide awake now and grabbing for her grandmothers' hair.

Carlisle's hand reaches out shakily, and touches Jolie on her knee, which makes Jolie grab for his fingers and squeal. She holds his fingers and starts to flap her arm, causing Carlisle's arm to move up and down. We all seem concerned and Bella is about to stop her when Carlisle gives a full smile and says "Jolie."

"He's been practicing." Esme says, and asks him if he'd like to hold her. She looks at us and we just nod, watching as she places Jolie on his lap sideways so he can see her face. His hands cradle her stomach, and Esme keeps one hand on her as well, but he's holding my daughter, a sight I never thought I'd see. Bella must feel the same, because she whips out her phone and starts taking pictures.

* * *

We've been there long enough for Jolie to have fallen asleep on a blanket on the floor, and the afternoon has gone well so I don't want to push it. I start making the movement of getting ready to leave when Esme says, "Visit with your father a moment, Edward." She stands to help Bella gather Jolie's things, and I stand awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Bella nods her head towards the seat next to my father, and they leave the room to go put Jolie in the RV.

I sit down next to this man that used to intimidate me, that caused me so much pain and manipulated everything in my life.

I almost recoil when I see his hand move to take mine, but when I feel his thin skin and weak grasp, I stay put and let him continue to hold.

I hear him take a breath and watch as he tries to work his mouth, waiting to hear whatever it is he's trying so hard to say.

It may not be as strong as when he said Jolie, but his speech is clear when the words come out.

"I'm sorry, Edward." His once vividly blue eyes are gray and watery, and the truth behind his statement is evident.

My throat tightens, and I say what I know he needs to hear. "I forgive you." And once it comes out of my mouth, I realize I needed it too.

_**July 13, 2013 **_

"Uh, Edward?"

"Yeah." I say distractedly as I maneuver this monstrosity through the traffic on Interstate 5 towards Portland in a panic.

"I think my water just broke."

"Okay, I just bought a new case, they're in the fridge." Damn old ladies with their blinkers on for miles. I slam my hand on the wheel, desperate to get to where we need to be immediately.

Traffic comes to a complete stop as I listen to the local traffic station describe an overturned truck up about five miles ahead of us. What should've been a stress free drive to the Andaluz Waterbirth Center when her contractions started has turned me into a panicked mess. Part of me is hoping she'll tell me to forgo the birthing center and drive to the nearest hospital. I contemplate just doing it, but I know how disappointed she'd be. We have time, I tell myself. Could be hours after the contractions have started, that's what her doctors said.

"I'm not exactly thirsty."

I turn in my chair to see if I can get her whatever she needs and I see her there, holding her shirt up over her large stomach decorated with painted rainbows, looking at a puddle between her feet.

"HOLY CRAP! Bella, why didn't you tell me your water broke?" I scramble from my seat, not caring if traffic begins to move, and help her sit on the kitchen bench.

"I did tell you. You weren't listening."

"Shit. What did they say again? How long do we have?" I start calculating the distance to the center and the nearest hospital, cause you know I checked that, and look out the window to see the traffic at a complete stop.

"It could be awhile, Edward. We're fine." She strokes my face with her hand, trying to soothe me when it should be the other way around.

"Ok. Um. Just sit there. Are you timing your contractions still?"

"Yes, I said we're fine."

"I hope this traffic lets up." I run my fingers through my hair and pull, frustrated at the situation. I look out the window and see no movement.

I clean up the mess on the floor and decide as soon as the traffic starts moving, I'm heading towards the hospital, which is closer. She's going to be very unhappy with me, but I don't care. This had been a bone of contention through the entire pregnancy. I was able to talk her out of giving birth in a field of wildflowers, and in the RV with a midwife. I only agreed on the water birth at the center because it was the safest of her choices.

"Oh fucking hell!" I look up quickly to see Bella's face contorted in pain, and her lunging forward on the seat with her legs spread. "Oh God, Edward, I think it's coming. I want to push!"

My eyes go wide and I feel like I'm about to faint. "I don't know if you should do that!"

"What the fuck do you want me to do, hold it in? Shit, I didn't want to curse while giving birth! Goddamit!" Bella rocks back and forth, sweat starting to run down her face. "Go fill the tub!"

"I'm not filling the tub! I'm getting off this highway and getting to the hospital!" I run back to the driver's seat, willing the traffic to open up enough for me to be able to ride the shoulder to the nearest exit.

I start blowing my horn, turning the wheel, anything to let people know I need off this highway immediately. When no one moves, I jump out the door and run to the cars blocking me on the right. One helpful driver points out there is no shoulder here, just a guardrail so there's nowhere for the cars to go.

I stand there, looking down the highway with both hands tugging at my hair again, feeling completely helpless.

"Edward!" I hear Bella shout from the RV and the lady in the car next to me rolls down her window asking what's wrong.

"My girlfriend is about to give birth and I need to get to the hospital!"

"Oh shit." She says, helpfully, before getting out of the car with her cell phone. "I'll call 911; maybe the cops can get an ambulance through this mess. She dials the phone and I run back to the RV to see Bella still rocking back and forth.

"I think she's coming! Oh my god, what do I do?"

She's asking me? "Um, ok, breathe."

"I'm fucking breathing!"

"Right. Ok. Uh, let's move you to the bed, ok?" She nods and I help her up, asking if she wants me to carry her. She just shakes her head and hobbles down the hallway, lying back on the bed while I put a bunch of pillows behind her like that's going to help.

I hear the woman from outside climb into the RV and she's holding the phone out, telling me 911 wants the details of what's going on.

I tell them that duh, she's having a baby and they tell me to look between her legs. I think nothing of the lady there with me, so I do, and jump back a foot when I see what looks like the top of a head.

"Oh god, Edward, I want to push!" Bella says again and starts to strain. I tell her to stop and the 911 operator tells me I'd better get ready to deliver my baby.

The words make no sense.

I look outside again to see if traffic has moved, and feel defeated when it hasn't. The lady whose phone I'm holding takes it from me to talk to the operator, and begins barking instructions at me.

I do what she says on autopilot, taking off Bella's skirt and securing clean towels.

As I put everything they tell me to get on the floor and bed, I hear Bella talking to me. "Edward. Edward. Look at me. We can do this. We're going to have our baby girl in a matter of minutes. Ours." I look at Bella and know that whatever is coming, we can get through it together. All hesitation leaves me, and I kneel in front of her and prepare for the birth of our daughter.

The lady with the phone stays with us and connected to 911 throughout, and after ten minutes of pushing, I see our baby's head emerge. All of Bella's natural birthing videos have gotten to me, apparently, and I can't believe the beauty of what I'm watching.

It happens quickly then, once the head is out, and within minutes, I'm holding our screaming baby girl, still attached to her mother, and look at my beaming, sweaty Bella, who's holding her arms out. I lay a towel down on her and place the baby in her arms, and we look at her, counting fingers and toes and marveling at the life we just brought into the world.

Cell phone lady brings me back to reality when she informs me there was an off duty cop stuck in the traffic a half a mile back that walked all the way up to assist. He's getting traffic out of the way for an ambulance that has been driving in the field next to the guardrail.

Soon enough, the RV is filled with a paramedic team, and they take over. They lift Bella and the baby she's still clutching, out and onto a stretcher on the other side of the rail. The cop tells me to ride along in the ambulance, his wife was with him in his car and he can stay with the RV and drop it off at the hospital once the traffic lets up.

I climb into the ambulance after thanking the cop and cell phone lady, whose names I never got, and sit next to my family, kissing and stroking Bella's head while she stares with wonder at our daughter. The paramedics laugh at the rainbows painted on Bella's stomach and I amuse them with the story that she was prone to painting her growing stomach throughout her pregnancy with happy images. Suns and hearts, smiley faces and stars. I might've helped once or twice with a painting of a football and baseball bat, just in case the ultrasounds were wrong.

Bella grasps my hand. "Joliet. Her name is Joliet." She lays her lips on our baby's head and closes her eyes. We had discussed a few names, but this one was new to me, but makes complete sense.

"It's perfect. Our little Jolie."

_**October 2012 **_

"Oh my, Edward. I'd forgotten how good you look in a tux. I should make you wear them more often." Bella smoothes her hand down my lapels, the desire evident in her face.

"Yes, well, this time, I'm wearing it for you." Memories of Bella requesting I wear purple boxers under a tux for a date with another woman fill me with old guilt, but I quickly push unimportant thoughts away. "I guess you never forget how to wear a tuxedo."

"Yum. You definitely wear it well." Bella moves her hand over my cock, stirring it to life.

"Sweetheart, we have a long night ahead of us." I say as I reluctantly move her hand. "Ready to go?"

"Yes! I've never been to such a formal event before. It's very exciting!"

I guide her to the rental we've gotten for the evening, the RV not really being 'wedding venue' transportation.

I play with her skirt on the ride over, her hand swatting me away but not really. I get it. It's the first wedding we've ever attended together, and add to it being for my colleague Carrie, I would imagine she'd be both a bit nervous and energized at the impending social setting, wanting to make a good, unwrinkled impression.

I drive to the valet stand at the Patrick Haley Mansion in Joliet, forty-five minutes out of the city, and watch as Bella's face lights up at the old cobblestone façade. I know the charm of the building in front of us is something Bella has fallen in love with instantly.

We've been holed up in Chicago for a full term now, neither of us really reaching the neighboring towns, but Chicago for us has become a second skin. Bella has found the artsy atmosphere she loves, while I've found the academia at Northwestern really challenges me. We have talked about possibly settling down here one day, far in our future, but settling down nonetheless. The people, vibe, and culture of the city appeals to both of us. To sum it up, Chicago is a great town and we feel we could make it home, someday.

* * *

"Dance with me." I say to my gal. I've enjoyed a fair amount of wine, while she's been indulging in the high end champagne.

"Dancing with you is how I fell in love with you." She says, as she takes my hand, both of us recalling a day in a park centuries ago.

"Are you going to take off your shoes?" I joke, noting the sunshine yellow heels she's paired with her deep indigo taffeta dress. The one she was excited to buy, as she'd never bought something so fancy before. The boat neck and ¾ sleeves leave much for me to kiss and contemplate getting under. She's reminiscent of Grace Kelly. She just shakes her head and leads me into the crowd.

I hold her lithe back, swaying her about the floor, trying to be far more debonair than I am. Her next words, believe it or not, don't sound alien after the love and family atmosphere of the night we've encountered.

"I want to have a baby."

"I want to have a baby too." I answer, my hand skimming the material until it meets exposed skin.

"I mean, I want to do it soon." She moves her head to look at me, to gauge my reaction, and I love her.

"Bella, there's nothing I want more than to have a baby with you." I say sincerely, the thought making my heart beat in my chest, my head starting to plan a timeline and a when and a where.

"Take me to a secluded corner then, Mr. Tux."

Her vixen words play over my ears like velvet. Until I really hear them.

"Now? You want to make a baby now?" I ask, not opposed, necessarily, just surprised. We've only been together a year in reality, and my planning nature does a double take.

"Yes. I love you. You love me. We have a great life. Let's share it with someone that comes from our love."

The way Bella puts things could make a grown man doubt his own agenda, and that's exactly what happens.

"Are you sure?" The planner in me counters.

"This wedding makes me think of what love means. Nothing could be more meaningful than a culmination of _our_ love."

"We could just get married." I joke, my dick already hard at the prospect of entering Bella later tonight.

"We will. But now, I want you to give me your baby." Her eyes bore into mine, sincere and sure.

I've never loved the sound of something so much, nor wanted anything more. "I want to give you my baby." I smile. Still assuming she means down the line. Wanting to let her know I'm on the same page.

"So find us a corner. Now." Realization that she intends for this to happen immediately startles me, until she kisses my neck. That's all she needs to do, to make me move into action and find a quiet place to be alone.

I grab her hand and lead her off the dance floor, Etta James still singing while we exit the ballroom. I turn my head left and right, wishing we'd gotten a room in the neighboring hotel, until I feel a tug on my hand.

"This way."

I follow my beautiful muse, the person I'd follow anywhere, down a hallway leading away from the catering kitchen. She stops in front of a door, and as I look at her she turns to kiss me, hard and passionately. She breaks away and while still looking at me with her back to the door, turns the knob so it opens slowly behind her back.

I don't know if she's planned this earlier, if she had this in mind way before she mentioned it, but she leads me into the perfect place. An atrium that reminds me of our first kiss, where the venue holds weddings when the weather permits. The weather didn't permit it tonight, the sky overcast and threatening rain at any moment.

She leads me down a walkway deep into the foliage, and reads my mind as she speaks of first kisses on hidden rooftops.

"If I had a choice, we'd have conceived there." She says softly, barely a whisper, as I nod and follow her through some flowering vines.

She rests her body against the trunk of a small tree, and I hold her for a moment, in her timeless dress, before slowly reaching around and unzipping it from her body.

"I don't think we have time to get fully undressed." She murmurs while I shush her with a kiss.

"Our baby is not going to be a rushed affair. It's going to be made of passion and not fear of being caught. Fuck everybody." I end up leaving her dress on, cause she's probably right, but don't zip it back up.

"Not sure you should've used the word fuck in the conception of our child." She says, head thrown back as I start to suck her neck.

"Oh Shutterbug, there's no way this child is being conceived in a clean, pure way."

I lift her skirt, my hand brushing over her bare thigh, and she hitches one knee over my hip. "As long as she's made in love." She says, hitching her leg higher.

"Love. It's all about love. I love you, Bella."

She reaches down to my zipper and releases it, my hardness already evident through the tuxedo fabric. "Can we at least have your pants down?" She asks as she kisses me.

"Anything you want." And I mean that, forever.

I feel my pants fall to my ankles, and her hand reaches into my boxers, finding my erection ready for her.

"We're really doing this, no condom." She says as she pulls back to look at me, testing my confidence.

"This is it, Bella. You and me. I feel it."

"Oh my, Edward, are you getting spiritual?" She jokes, hand already on my hard cock, stroking, getting it ready to enter her.

"Yes. I am. We're about to make a baby. I know it." I say moving her panties to the side and I feel her pussy, wet for me, before I line up and plunge myself into her.

She makes the sound I love every time I enter her, a half moan, half ecstasy sound, and I start to move, holding her leg while I thrust as deep inside as I can. I move slowly, enjoying the feel of her bare around me, something we've only done once before in a drunken state.

"Both legs up, Edward, please." She says, and I push her harder against the trunk of the tree and hold onto her thighs. With both of her legs surrounding me, I start to pump into her, deeper at this angle and I almost lose it.

She clings to me, arms around my shoulders and her pussy surrounding me, pulsing and asking me to come and go in a rhythm that suits us both.

Instead of burying my head in her neck as I like to do in this position, I keep my eyes on hers, knowing that there's a purpose for this union. Not of lust, although there's plenty of that, but one with a higher meaning.

I move in and out of her, the ecstasy I feel whenever I'm inside her increasing with the knowledge of what we're trying to accomplish. Bella's beautiful blue eyes stay focused on mine, and we don't break away while I thrust. My orgasm approaches quickly, and I reach a hand down to her clit to get her to meet me. "No need." She sighs, as I feel her tightening around me, telling me she's right there with me.

We move together, pushing and pulling, hips thrusting and meeting, until I hear the familiar cry of Bella, signaling the start of her orgasm, and soon feel her coming around me. I follow after her quickly as I always do. Knowing I bring Bella such pleasure always has that effect on me.

We cling to each other for a moment, calming our breath when we've finished. I move to lower her legs but feel them tighten around me instead.

"We just made a life, Edward. I know it. A life of you and me."

I kiss my Bella, knowing that what she says is true. "No life will ever be loved more."

**THE END**

**Thanks go to another fantastic friend, Grabadietcoke, for her awesome beta skills. Thanks as well to someone I'm so happy to have met and now call friend, Layathomemom, for her Joliet help and secret keeping ability.**


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